April 13, 2010

Dave Ramsey - Love Em' Hate Em'

Over 2 years ago, Kevin and I were living a completely different life. We were what we fondly call 'Dinks'. That's 'dual income, no kids' for those who have never heard the term. We lived on a loose budget, but knew that it was time to get serious about our finances. The more you look into your finances, the more you realize how badly we all spend our money. We discussed, researched, and came to the conclusion that Dave Ramsey would be our main man. If you don't know who he is (then you must live under a rock) then you should look up his website at http://www.daveramsey.com. Dave's ideas are not always the popular ones and to live on his plan is a hard way. His motto is "if you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else". The basics are no credit cards, live only on basics and within your means, and no debt.

(1) Start a $1000 savings fund and get on a budget. We'll neither of us had credit cards to give up, and we already had a good savings fund started. We've always lived on a budget, so the first step was no step at all.

(2) Pay off ALL debt. For us, we were once again very blessed on this step. No credit cards, equaled no credit card debit. First we finished off Kevin's student loans, then his Ford Explorer, last and most painful was my Impala. Life took a swing of events, and we found out we were pregnant with Clare. We realized our 'dink' lifestyle was coming to an end quickly. Every month we trimmed the budget more. $200 here a $100 there. No more cable t.v., no more expensive home improvements, no more home phone line, less new clothes, and way less eating out. We were determined to get on a one income budget and pay off our last debt before Clare was born. Just two short months before she rocked our world, I signed the check on our last car payment. Like all the excited callers on Dave's radio show, we were able to yell out, "WE'RE DEBT FREE"!!!

(3) Save up an Emergency fund of 3 to 6 months savings. Now I have never met anyone who started on Dave's plan who have actually gotten past this step, so I knew it would be a hard one. Here was our fledgling family, who once lived high on the hog with two incomes, now down to only one. Kevin had been laid off for a few months when I was pregnant with Clare, so we know how important this emergency fund is, especially now that he is the only bread winner. We agreed to err on the side of caution and not stop saving till we hit our 6 month mark. Months seem to crawl by when your at the beginning of a new step. $200 here and there make it hard to hit a 5 digit number. I'm proud to announce, that with the help of our tax refund, we have finally hit our savings goal last month! I never thought I would ever see a number that big in our banking account. At this point, it is hard not to get swept up with "Joneses" and see that money as a new vacuum, weed eater, or even a van. All those things are things we want, but do not qualify in Dave's plan as a emergency. That little nest egg is there to stay and not be touched. We pray to God that Kevin doesn't get laid off so unexpectedly ever again, but we can sleep well at night knowing we will survive 6 months of job searching if it comes to it.

(4) Invest 15% of your Gross Income into a Roth IRA. I don't know why I was naive enough to think that at this point in Dave's plan, things would get easier and not harder. Just last night, Kevin and I researched what it will take to start our own Roth IRA. With an already too tight budget, we have to shave more money out of it to put into our retirement. I tried to think that Dave's plan was too ambitious, so I researched on our Bank of America Retirement planner to see their numbers. Much to my sadness, they were the same. I hate getting a reality check when it comes to money. I much prefer to live in the la-la-land that Kevin's 6% 401(k) will see us to our golden years. The reality is that today out of 100 people age 65, 97 of them can't write a check for $600, 54 of them are still working, and only 3 are financially secure.

The next steps are:
(5) College funding for Children
(6) Pay off home early
(7) Build wealth and give like never before

I make no promises to myself that I'll ever finish step 6, but I do know my reality for now. No cable t.v., no expensive groceries, no more fancy cruises (that was not part of Dave's plan b.t.w.), and no big van till we save up and are able to pay for it all in cash! In the mean time, we try to focus on what we have instead of what we want. I have a wonderful small house, great husband, lovely child, fridge full of food, bank account full of money, car full of gas, and no worries about our future. We can't live high on the hog right now, but that doesn't mean we don't live high on life.

April 7, 2010

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with beating someone up, but all about Kevin and my cruise! Kevin and I were blessed enough to scrape enough cash together to go on a vacation. Add on that I was in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy (the only good time to travel) and my retired parents offered to come up to babysit Clare for a week, It was the perfect timing. I don't do any kind of fun vacations if there is not sun, tropical feelings, and more sun, so Kevin booked us on the Carnival Ecstasy out of the Galveston Port.


Our tropical paradise awaited us as we drove 4 hours in solid rain to get to the port. We then waited in line for about 2 hours to actually get on the ship. I couldn't help but laugh at all the signs warning you not to take pictures or video of the 3,000 people stuffed in a dock trying to get on a ship to start their vacation. I guess they don't like people to see the ugly side of cruising, but soon we were on our boat and out to sea.


I really loved our cabin. It was not too small, and had the perk of a king size bed. We have a queen at home, and it was amazing to flop around like a fish on land all night without slapping Kevin in the face. The ship it self was impressive, but let's be honest here. To cram thousands of people on one boat, means that you are going to be around groups of strangers all the time. Old people, kids, teens, models, over weight people, and (my personal favorite) frat boys using sleazy lines to try and have random hook-ups with the pretty girls. The pool was always over-run with kids and the deck chairs by brown-to-a-crisp women.


After a day at sea, we made our first stop in Progresso, Mexico. Being pregnant and a hater of all things requiring physical activity, We choose the "Corona Beach Party" for our shore excursion. This entailed a small stretch of beach, open bar, loud music, and more drunk college students than you have ever seen in your life. But hey, it was an open bar, and I would be right there with them if I could. Instead, Kevin and I left the party scene to stroll down the beach.





We shopped and ate some fabulous authentic Mexican food. Kevin enjoyed the free mini margaritas, and I wolfed down the tacos. Honestly, I found what looked like dog hairs in the beans, but I'm disgusting enough to just pick them out and continue eating. It was wonderful!



The next day (and the first really warm day of the cruise), we stopped at beautiful Cozumel, Mexico. Kevin and I loved it so much, that we wish we could have stayed longer. For this stop, we signed up for a full package with only one other family joining us. I guess not having an open bar kept the college crowd from signing up. We were assigned an amazing tour guide named David. We first stopped at a museum called Discover Mexico. It had videos, art displays, and miniature replicas of Mexico's history. I think we weirded out our guide by knowing most of the answers to his questions. We tried to explain that being Catholic and from New Mexico and Texas gave us a lot of exposure to the Hispanic culture.



Then we headed to Chankanaab Park. It was like Sea World for cool people. You could relax on the white sandy beach, swim with dolphins, manatee, or sting rays, take a picture hugging a seal or snorkel off the shore. We chose the snorkeling, and our guide David took us out to see the good spots. Being a little prone to anxiety attacks, I had some trouble calming my breathing as we bobbed in the waves, but enjoyed it all. The fish would literally swim through your finger tips and around your legs. And I didn't get nauseous like when we snorkeled in Hawaii. They had some buried religious statues that you were supposed to 'get a wish' granted if you touched them. The first was a tiny Virgin Mary that was swarmed by people, so we didn't try to get close to it. The next was a Jesus statue. As we swam near it, I was completely freaked out. This wasn't some tiny statue. It was larger than life and scary.


You can not tell me that this doesn't look like a starved, beaten up Jesus tied to a cement block and dumped in the ocean to die. I couldn't even get close to it, because it freaked me out so bad. Kevin, on the other hand, decided to dive down and touch it. While he did make it, he lost the breathing part of his snorkel mask in the process. Luckily we were almost done, so we floated back to the shore, ate, and then headed back to the ship.

All in all we loved Mexico, but got tired of spending 3 days on the ship and only 14 hours on land. I guess I'm just not a cruise person. What I was a fan of was 5 whole nights of sleeping and waking up without once hearing the sound of a baby crying. It's what I imagine heaven will be like! When we got back to our car, after spending 3 hours getting off the boat and customs, we were excited that we had a vacation with just the two of us, but at the same time couldn't wait to get back to our ClareBear. I will always cherish the good memories Kevin and I had together on this trip, because who knows when our next child-free adventure will come. For know I'm left with this calming mental picture.

 

April 1, 2010

Finding Love in Lent - Part 1

As Holy Week is upon us, I can’t help but think about how I spent Lent this year. Half-hearted, slacking, and detached. But honestly, that’s how I probably spend most of my Lenten seasons. They say to get something out of your faith; you must actually make the effort to put something into it. One year I did do that, and it was the most amazing Lenten season of my life. This is the story of Lent 2004. Beware, it’s a long story, but trust me, it is all worth it.

Here is the list of characters (Names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Me- A junior at Texas Tech University, and everything else about me you already know.

Ricardo – Just imagine a Hispanic George Clooney. Handsome, full of charm, suave, great with the ladies, but never has been seen pinned down to one girl. I fell for him the first time I saw him. We had known each other since our first year at Tech.

Jack – Mr. All-American, boy next door. He was popular, funny, on every leadership team, knew everyone’s name, upperclassman, was at every social event, and could get into a conversation with a blind/mute person if given enough time. I had also met him my first year, but Jack knew everyone, so that wasn’t unusual.

What was unusual with Jack was that we actually became friends. Back in the day, we young folks spent all our time instant messaging on AIM. We became love advisors to each other. He was trying to start a relationship with his friend, and I was working on a rocky relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Jack’s relationship ended in a blaze of glory before it even started and mine just got worse and worse. After being dumped twice by the same loser (I can call him that because he’s not on facebook to read this), I was out on the market again. Word apparently spread quickly. Just a few days later, one of Ricardo’s close friends asked me if I’d be interested in dating again if Ricardo asked. I think it took me a good five minutes to wipe the dumb founded look off my face. Are you kidding me? The guy I’ve had a crush on for years is thinking about asking me out! I tried to pull it together and casually say, “Sure, if he wants too.” I excitedly anticipated every run in with Ricardo after that, but nothing seemed to happen.

What did happen threw me for a loop. After Jack and my love advice failed miserably, we still kept talking regularly. He was a great friend, and the perfect person to talk to. Always so easy going and relaxed. Then it happened before I could realize what was going on. I was dropping him off at his apartment after a concert, when the relaxed, easy talking Jack flipped a major nervous switch and said in one hasty breath, “So I was wondering if sometime you might want to go out with me, I mean I don’t know how it would go, or if it would be any fun, but maybe it could be, and, I don’t know, if you’re interested, we should go out on a date.” It caught me so off guard, and I had never seen him act like this. I honestly can say, that while Jack and I were great friends, I never thought of us dating. In my dumbfound state, I said the thing I had just told another guy few days ago, but with completely different feeling. “Sure, if you want too.” Finally, relief poured over Jack’s face like he had just ripped off a band-aid. We said we’d talk later, and he left me in my car to try and pick up my jaw.

*** To continue on with the story, please find part 2 & 3 ***

Finding Love in Lent - Part 2

*** WARNING: This is part 2 of a 3 part story. If you haven't read part 1, you will be confused ***

Lent began the following week, and on Thursday I went to my adoration hour in the chapel at my church. My mind was buzzing with activity, and I tried to wrap my head around everything. I excitedly started to pray and tell God all the good news. First and foremost, Ricardo, my crush, was interested in me and wanted to ask me on a date. I also had Jack, my good friend, ask me out on a date too. How sweet was that; a free meal and movie from Jack, plus the chance to start a new relationship with Ricardo!

It was then for the first time in my life, I heard God speak to me. It wasn’t like hearing words in my ear, but feeling God speaking to my heart. I know it’s rare, and that most people don’t understand that, but here is what happened in conversation mode.

Me: Can you believe it? Two guys are interested in me.
God: This isn’t what I want.
Me: What? Don’t worry. Jack is just a friend. I don’t think anything will happen past a first date. You can’t turn down a free meal. Then hopefully Ricardo will ask me out soon after, and we can start dating. I’ve never got this much attention from guys before!
God: I know what you need to do for Lent this year.
Me: Sure! Give up cokes, pray extra at night, maybe skip a t.v. show. What is it God?
God: Give up dating for Lent.
Me: Pardon? I think I heard that wrong. I thought you said to give up dating for Lent.
God: I want you to give up dating for Lent for me this year.
Me: ……um, but I already told Jack I’d go out with him, and what about Ricardo?
God: This is my will for you. Trust me.

The funny thing about God is that he made us with a free will. That means even when we are sitting in an empty chapel feeling God speak directly to our heart, we still get to choose our actions. Someone once asked me how I knew that it was God’s idea and not my own; let me assure you, as a chronically single girl, I would never think to give up dating. I sat in the chapel silence for the rest of the hour trying to figure out what to do.

The next day, I made the most awkward phone call of my life. I called Jack to tell him that our date was called off by God. I’m sure any other person would have written me off for a loony, but Jack seemed to take it well. How can you argue with someone saying it’s God’s will? I told him, we’ll just have to wait till Lent is over. Luckily, our friendship was strong enough that we were still able to be in the same room without it being super awkward. The canceling of our first date before it even happened even became a joke between us and some friends.

As for Ricardo, things finally began to get interesting. We started hanging out more and more. I told him about the no dating during Lent, but we agreed that hanging out wasn’t anything against the rules. Casual video game sessions at my apartment, slowly evolved into late night adoration chapel visits praying side by side. As I would look at his back, while he knelt down before the Eucharist, I couldn’t help at smile at how perfectly things were going. Our ‘hanging out’ became more and more frequent, and my feelings for Ricardo grew stronger. We made plans that weekend to go out to dinner and a movie, and somehow rationalize it in my head as not a date. I was coming to a breaking point.

In utter frustration and angst, I went to the chapel that night by myself. I prayed to God in ALL CAPS. “Listen God. I know you don’t want me to date during Lent, but I can’t change how I feel for Ricardo. IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR RICARDO, THEN YOU NEED TO SQUASH THIS LIKE A BUG, BECAUSE I LIKE HIM, AND THAT’S IT!”

There’s a funny thing about prayers. You should always be careful what you pray for.

*** To continue, please go to part 3. Don't worry, it's the last one ***

Finding Love in Lent - Part 3

*** WARNING: This is Part 3 of a 3 Part Blog. If you have not read part 1 & 2, you will be confused***

That Saturday is a day that still shines vividly in my mind. It was an unusually hot day, and our college CSA group was having a garage sale. I was having a great time hanging out with my friends, and Jack and I stayed late to help clean up the aftermath. It was 2 in the afternoon when Jack invited me to hang out at his apartment across the street. It was a big joke that, as being as popular as he was, everyone and their uncle had been to Jack’s apartment except me. I would joke with him that he didn’t want me over because he secretly had pictures of me hanging up in his room.

We crossed the old brick road and headed to his apartment. I got to meet his roommates, get a tour of the place, and hung out in his room. We just started talking, and once you got Jack and me talking it was about impossible to get us to stop. Minutes turned to hours, and before I knew it, it was already 5. As if by fate, Jack had to leave the room to go talk to one of his roommates. The second he shut the door, my cell phone began to ring. It was Ricardo! I didn’t want to hurt Jack’s feelings if he caught me talking to another guys about a ‘not really a date’ date plans, so I snuck into his bathroom to take the call. I was so excited to figure out where we were going to eat and what movie to watch. Ricardo’s voice sounded a little sheepish as I answered the phone. The conversation seemed to hit my ear drums in slow motion.

“Hey, Mary. Listen, about tonight. See, I accidentally made a mistake. I can’t hang out with you tonight. I forgot that I asked a girl to go to the drive-in tonight.” Ricardo said. Trying not to seem completely desperate, I mumbled, “A girl?” “Huh, what did you say? I didn’t hear you.” “Oh, um, nothing, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Click. I literally felt the emotions I had for Ricardo drain from my body. Ricardo had just thrown a cold glass of water in my face, and I could finally see what our relationship was. Nothing. Friends, yes, but nothing more, and we never would be. I braced myself for a Saturday night alone watching sappy chick flicks as I left the bathroom.

When I went into the room, Jack was smiling at me, blissfully unaware at what had just happened. I was about to try and excuse myself, not wanting to overstay my welcome when he invited me to eat a home cooked Italian meal made by his roommates girlfriend. Anyone who knows me knows that I will never turn down an opportunity to eat. While the conversations were great, the bacon-chicken-pasta dish was even better. (Loryn, if you happen to read this, please e-mail me the recipe before I drool on the keyboard).

As the night went on, I kept on waiting for a dull in the conversation or an awkward pause to finally take my leave, but it never came. Jack invited me to go buy a new stereo for his car, so we took the wind whipping drive in his topless Jeep to go shopping. Then came dessert. I should have known things were changing when I admitted that I didn’t really like ice cream, and Jack offered to just split his favorite strawberry shortcake that I’m sure he’d prefer to have all to himself. You don’t just admit your weird food dislikes or share your favorite food with just anyone. We headed back to his apartment with the idea of watching a movie. As we sat there on his bed talking more and more, we lost track of time and never even started the movie. Finally at midnight, I noticed the clock. I couldn’t believe time had flown so fast just talking! Jack pointed out that if I stayed 2 more hours, we would have spent a 12 hour day together. I was up for the challenge. The talk continued about faith, family, and our future goals. We seemed to agree on everything. By the last 30 minutes, Jack was struggling to keep his eyes open, and I finally felt that my eyes had been open for the first time. Jack wasn’t just some just nice guy that was good friend. He was a partner, a man of God, and a perfect guy for me. At 2 a.m., Jack walked me to my car and I spent the whole drive home thinking how completely God changed my life in just 24 hours after I had prayed to Him.

Easter came and went with no second date asked by Jack. Just when I thought I had blown it with him, he asked me out in the most spectacular way. It was a 100% different from the first time, but that’s a story for another time.

As most of you can guess, Jack is my husband, Kevin. We got married in 2006 under what I know was God’s blessing. While Ricardo should still remain anonymous, I’m happy to report that he has recently entered the Seminary to pursue the priesthood. I guess there was a reason he could never stick to a girl. God wanted him for Himself.

The moral of the story is to not be afraid of God and his will. Though through our human eyes what he asks of us can seem all wrong and not what we want for ourselves, we must have living faith that he knows what’s best for us in the end. I used to think a lot about what would have happened if I chose to do my own will instead of His. I would have brushed Kevin aside and ruined our friendship, only to start a relationship with a person that was doomed to fail and leave me broken hearted and alone in the end. While God’s path didn’t feel like the easy one, it was the best one for my life. I hope this Easter we can all embrace what God wants for us in our lives.