June 11, 2005

The Great Race

---Once a very wise friend (a.k.a. Stacie) told me how to find the perfect man. She said that you have to be running towards God and keep your focus set on him. Then when you look over and see the man running alongside you, you've found him. I'll forever be grateful for that tid-bit of knowledge.

---So I ran, and ran, tripped... dang it, got up, ran, ran, ran into a mistake... opps, refocused, ran, ran, ran, and God told me to look over. I saw him. Wasn't sure, so kept on running towards God, and he said to look over again. yep, he was still there. He was still running next to me.

---That's when part of the advise was lost. I was so intrigued that I couldn't stop looking next to me. I lost my focus. My run, turned into a jog, which turned into a little walk. My focus was on who was next to me, not who I was running towards. Things started getting harder, the one started to seem farther away, and I couldn't hear of the cry of God calling me forward.

---Something had to happen... so I ran focused on God. And it worked. I ran, I kept my focus, and when I glanced over, he was still right next to me, closer than ever. He's next to me, not in front of me. He's focused with me, I'm not focused on him. We run together, and try to keep our focus on God. Without that, everything crumbles. There is no foundation to a relationship without God being the key player in it all.

"I say only this: forgetting what is behind me, I race forward and run towards the goal, my eyes on the prize to which God has called us from above in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14-15

... thanks for the advice, stacie...

June 8, 2005

Mama Neon

I have fishies!!! It was a part of my B-day gift from Kevin. They were given to me close to the one year anniversary of the death of Roy, my fire bellied toad **moment of silence please**

There's nothing more exciting than being a new mom. When I first saw Penn & Teller, and Pennie & Tellie floating in the water, there was that unexplainable connection between a mom and her kids. They are school fish, so they stuck really close to each other that first day. They are mostly white with a red stripe and a iridescence stripe (which gives them their name). After many attempts to "charge" the fish, Kevin and I discovered that they do not glow in the dark, but reflect light! In their little tank, we were all starting to bond as a family.... Then it went down hill.

One terrifying morning, I went to feed the babies, when a dead pennie was found at the bottom. It was quite a heart breaking morning. So I used the kitchen tongs to pick her out, seal her in a little bag, and leave her in my glove compartment. I couldn't get her replaced till the next day. I thought then peace would be restored to our little family with the addition of Tater Salad (I switched from names of magicians to comedian, cause I was running out of names). Then just the other day, I couldn't find Tellie. Upon cleaning out the aquarium, I had to stifle back nausea as I saw him float to the top....

This was more than I could take, so I decided not to replace Tellie and let the others live till their time was done. With three living fish, I put them back in the tank... Not knowing much about water currents, pebbles, and small fish, I made the mistake of burying one of the fish under the rocks. It's little beady eye was pressed against the plastic in a helpless panic. My heart stopped as I desperately tried to free him. He's still a little shocked but at least he's okay. Now it was time for a peaceful, happy family.

But no... They had to give good ole' mom another panic attack. One peaceful morning, I came in, feed them, turned away, turned back.... and low and behold, a fish was laying on the counter. Not sure if it had been there just now or since last night I poked it. It sprung to life, and a chase ensued with my running around with cupped hands in pursuit of the panicked fish. Once safe in the water, I noticed another one had wedged himself under all the rocks, unable to move, and giving me the look like "opps". Without skipping a beat I pulled out the fake plant and all the rocks. They are now in 'time out' with all their play toys removed until they can learn to stop trying to commit suicide.

No one told me what a heartbreaking, heartwarming, all around complicated thing it is to be a mom. I'm slowly getting the hang of this. Come by anytime to see the kids... before they try and kill themselves again!!!!