August 10, 2007

Scar

No one can see the scars of the heart. But to the owner of the scar, they are always there. Like physical scars they can lay dormant for ages without anyone noticing.

It was a moment in time; a past decision you regret, a loss you never quite got over, or an event that you cannot change how it ended. That moment cuts you deep and time turns it into just a scar. My scar was over events that I lead, but yet had no control over the outcome. Not really a regret, but more of a disappointment.

Everything will be normal in life, the scar long forgotten, and then some unimportant conversation or event will remind you. Your memory starts to blossom with images and sounds of so long ago. Heat starts to grow in my body, my chest starts to tighten ever so slightly, and I feel as though I have to make my breaths purposeful.

Through years of prayer and peer counseling the events of long ago are reconciled and forgotten to most people, but I still bear my scar. I've finally gotten used to it, not really wishing for it to go away. For it is a defining moment in our lives when we receive our scars. A moment that should not be forgotten. Just like looking at the scars on our bodies can remind us of of where we have been, so too the scars on our hearts.

Life has moved me past the days I received my scar. I am healed. All that is left is a small reminder. So I will be content with my silent scar, because it has helped me get to where I am today.

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