Today marks the one year anniversary since we lost you. I miss you dearly and think of that day all the time. It's the nights when I can't sleep that I lie in bed thinking of the last time I held you in my arms. Thoughts of the pain, exhaustion, and grief swirl through my head. It was such terrifying time in our life.
Your Dad sometimes thinks about what you would be doing now, if we had gotten to keep you. Your first laugh, sitting up on your own, starting to crawl. For some reason, I can't even imagine those things. You were never ours to keep. You were always meant to stay with God. I'm glad you never had to shed a tear, have your heart broken, or learn to question God. I imagine you as a 6 year old boy running in the clouds with Jesus watching over you.
Life is full of ironies. When I first found out I was pregnant with you, I was so upset and shocked that I wouldn't let your Dad discuss your existence with me for a whole week. I wanted to pretend that you didn't exist, until I could wrap my brain around having another baby. Now a week doesn't go by without me thinking of you.
Before you came into our lives, I had always assumed I'd have a big family full of kids. Now I thank God for giving me Clare and hope more kids are in our future. We've learned not to assume anything. God has a plan for our family, and I just have to wait and see what it is.
We miss you dearly and wish we could see your sweet face again. Please watch over your little family here on earth. I hope that if I make it to heaven one day, you are the first person I see walking me towards those pearly gates. I love you, William.
Love Always,
Mommy
1 comment:
Hugs! Cheers to your William and our Andrew--our little saints!
Post a Comment