I recently heard that the youth group at my home parish, St. John Neumann, has been ended. To imagine my church without the youth group would be to in vision my life taking a completely different path. The group formed and lead me to be the person I am today.
When I first decided to step out from the shadows and join the youth group my older sister was so active in, I met the person who would be my closest friend all throughout high school and college. Initially it was our matching humor that brought Kevin Martinez and I together, but after that it was love of singing and our faith that cemented our friendship. With Kevin, came the best 'surrogate' sister a girl could ask for, his older sister Crystal. She is as much a part of our family as anyone could be and will always have a place to stay at our house.
I joined the youth group my 9th grade year and kept going till I graduated from high school. After that, it was only natural that I join the core team of leadership. There was even a brief couple of months when I took over as youth group leader. After that college ministry was calling me to move on, but I always left part of my heart with SJN.
In my mind, I can always pull up a highlight reel of the best times. Decorating all night for the Valentine's dinner, singing for the youth mass, trudging around my neighborhood huddling for warmth while we sing Christmas carols, sharing our conversions of heart at Stuebenville retreats, sleep deprived lock-ins, and friendships that will last a lifetime. With all the joy and happiness of those memories, there is still one memory that burns my heart with regret and sorrow. But even that painful memory is a life changing time in my life that has forever marked me and made me who I am today.
Now that it seems to be all over, I feel thanks are in order:
Liz- Thanks for getting involved in the youth group, and letting your little sister tag along with you all those years.
Kevin- Thanks for hours a laughter and joy.
Crystal - Thanks for always showing me love and support.
Analisa - Thanks for showing that even though someone might be quite doesn't mean they don't have faith that can shake the mountains.
Jason- Thanks for always pushing me to be a better core member and keeping me under your wing.
Nicolette - Thanks for letting me into your life. I don't know where you are anymore, but I will always be your sponsor and love you.
Jacob, Brenda, Lisa, Stephen, Mikey, Mike, Julius, Joe, Alexi, Danielle, Jonathan, Bobby, Carlos, Paul, Lindy, Jenny, Javier, Nina, Phillip, Tara, Tasha, Jerome, Vanessa - Thank you for your friendship and your faith. I will cherish all our memories.
Good-bye Saint John Neumann Youth!
December 16, 2009
December 1, 2009
November 24, 2009
Happy Birthday Clare
Happy Birthday, Clare Noelle Morris!Dear Clare,
Happy Birthday sweetheart! This is your first birthday, besides the day you were actually birthed. I can't believe how far you've come in just a year. I look back at pictures from a year ago, and can barely recognize you as the little dark haired newborn I cradled in one arm. Congrats on a wonderful first year of life.
I know it started out a little rough for both of us. Luckily my memory had blurred over most of the rocky times, but I know it wasn't very easy in the beginning. At least we shared those times together. I got my first I.V. at the age of 25 right before giving birth to you, and you got yours just 8 weeks later as a precautionary measure. But those weeks flew by, and our lives got better and better in each passing week.
I will never forget the first time you smiled at me or rolled over for the first time. You surprise me every week with the new things you learn. After months of playing with the ring stack toy by just ripping off the rings, you threw me for a loop a week ago when you actually put them back on. I beamed with pride like you just won the Nobel peace prize. I am your biggest cheerleader and hope to always be there to support you in all the other great things you will do. Each day, your personality shows more and more. So many people have told me that they've never seen such an expressive baby. It all started with the surprise face, then turned into the questioning stink eye, and now is the fake courtesy laugh. Your emotions can turn on a dime, and I swear we have even seen you laugh while you cry. You are so shy and reserved to people you don't know, but to see you squealing and laughing at home makes it all okay.
I have always told people that you are attached to my hip, but I'm afraid it is a two way street now. We spend almost every one of your waking moments together, from early morning feedings, to afternoon shopping trips, to nighttime baths. You are my constant companion. I can't even remember the days when I used to have privacy in the restroom.
Happy Birthday, my little ClareBear. Your Dad and I couldn't be more happy to have you in our lives, and we love you more than you'll ever know. I'll end this post with the song we customized for you. (sung to the hymn of the Micky Mouse Club Theme Song)
C - L - A
A, cause your adorable!
R - E - N
and pretty nice too!
O - E - L - L -E....
Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle
Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle
You never ever met a girl so swell - oh so swell
Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle
Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle
Of only good things does she smell - oh so sweet
November 5, 2009
Things I thought would never end....
The Hour Long Perm - Yes, I naturally have wavy hair, and yes, I still got perms as a kid. That chemical smell still brings me back. Sitting in the chair while every lock of hair was pulled, twirled, and coated with acids. They would always say that it's normal for your scalp to tingle, but it's more like a strong burning sensation.
Feelings for my teenage crush - Oh, the hours I wasted imagining holding his hand and where we would share our first kiss. Doodling our name over notebooks and trying to decode every conversation to see if he was secretly divulging his true feelings to me. Bl eh! That all ended when Kevin walked into my life. The crush went from Mr. Perfect to Mr. Wrong as I saw what I really needed in a husband in Kevin.
Pregnancy - While logically speaking, everyone knows that you physically can't be pregnant for forever. But every woman hits a point in their pregnancy when they look at their swollen, tired, stretched, exhausted body and wonder if there will ever be an end in sight. I never thought my body would recovery from the knock-out fight pregnancy put it through.
Sleeping for only 3 hours at a time - There is something that breaks your will and bends your sanity when you are kept from sleeping through the night for weeks on end. As any of my former roommates will tell you, there is nothing I value more in life than sleep. It tops the list of my priorities always. I will never forget the shock, excitement, and relief I felt when I woke up one morning to realize Clare has slept through the night for the first time! I literally woke up Kevin to ask him if he thought something was wrong with her.
Feelings for my teenage crush - Oh, the hours I wasted imagining holding his hand and where we would share our first kiss. Doodling our name over notebooks and trying to decode every conversation to see if he was secretly divulging his true feelings to me. Bl eh! That all ended when Kevin walked into my life. The crush went from Mr. Perfect to Mr. Wrong as I saw what I really needed in a husband in Kevin.
Pregnancy - While logically speaking, everyone knows that you physically can't be pregnant for forever. But every woman hits a point in their pregnancy when they look at their swollen, tired, stretched, exhausted body and wonder if there will ever be an end in sight. I never thought my body would recovery from the knock-out fight pregnancy put it through.
Sleeping for only 3 hours at a time - There is something that breaks your will and bends your sanity when you are kept from sleeping through the night for weeks on end. As any of my former roommates will tell you, there is nothing I value more in life than sleep. It tops the list of my priorities always. I will never forget the shock, excitement, and relief I felt when I woke up one morning to realize Clare has slept through the night for the first time! I literally woke up Kevin to ask him if he thought something was wrong with her.
Clare's fat rolls - Now that is one thing that I really wish would last forever. There is nothing more irresistible than those chunky little arms and thighs crawling around. Oh, dear!
November 1, 2009
Halloween: Now and Then
October 2008: 24 years old and enormously pregnant
(Please excuse the rubber gloves, I'm allergic to pumpkin goo. Weird, I know)
October 2009: 25 year old Mom to a nearly One Year Old
(I know I'm not in this photo. Like every other Mom, I'm the one taking the photos)
It is amazing how much your life can change in just a year. While last year, I knew everything in my life would be turned upside down once Clare arrived. I still had no idea how drastically different my life would end up. Looking through these pictures is like stepping back in time. Last year, I was swelling to an uncomfortable bursting point. I had trouble even just walking around to pick my pumpkin, and Kevin had to carry both of our pumpkins to the car. Thank goodness pregnancy is a temporary condition!
This year, I have a joyful and mobile little girl. Our days are filled with songs, toys, and pureed food. She is really getting to an age where it is fun to spend time with her. She laughs at my funny dances and loves to chase the dogs around the yard. For Halloween she was an adorable minnie mouse (thanks to some help from a Mom's Club Mom). No candy allowed yet, but Kevin and I were helpful enough to take care of any candy people would give her.
Next year with a nearly two year old, I can't wait to see what those pictures will look like. (Not to see what Clare looks like, but to make sure I look hot and and well kept.)
October 3, 2009
Welcome to the Pity Party
Life is pretty tough in the Morris household right now. I thought about going through a diatribe listing all the problems going on, but by the 2nd paragraph you'd be thinking, "Does Mary want us to throw a pity party?" And I would be like, "I'd love to have a pity party." And then you'd look at your schedule, and I'd look at mine. Then there would be no free weekends, and we'd call the whole thing off. So to wrap it up, we had a rough last week, we are currently having a rough week, and it's basically guaranteed that the next few weeks will be rough also.
But there are a few bright spots in all the storm clouds. Ladies and Gentleman, a drum roll please....... Clare can crawl for a few feet and stand for a few milliseconds! I've become her official jungle gym with the droll skids to prove it. I love it when she gets on her knees, and I get to yell at her "Who's the good little catholic girl?" I'm ready to pose her with a rosary in her hand and start to build her Nun portfolio! I'm getting this kid to heaven if it kills me.
I have a wonderful daughter, a husband who loves me, and after a few more weeks this nightmare will be over. I'll be singing "Alleluia" in the streets while possibly dancing in my underwear! I can't wait to get there.
Basically, I wrote this post to help me de-stress a little. And for whoever actually read the whole sad, narcissistic post, thank you for letting me vent for awhile.
But there are a few bright spots in all the storm clouds. Ladies and Gentleman, a drum roll please....... Clare can crawl for a few feet and stand for a few milliseconds! I've become her official jungle gym with the droll skids to prove it. I love it when she gets on her knees, and I get to yell at her "Who's the good little catholic girl?" I'm ready to pose her with a rosary in her hand and start to build her Nun portfolio! I'm getting this kid to heaven if it kills me.
I have a wonderful daughter, a husband who loves me, and after a few more weeks this nightmare will be over. I'll be singing "Alleluia" in the streets while possibly dancing in my underwear! I can't wait to get there.
Basically, I wrote this post to help me de-stress a little. And for whoever actually read the whole sad, narcissistic post, thank you for letting me vent for awhile.
September 17, 2009
Letter of Rejection
To the Stray Cat in my Garage,
Thank you for your interest in the household pet position at the Morris household. While I am impressed with your beautiful coat and oddly bushy tail, we have concluded that another pet in this house would be too much. We sincerely regret to tell you that your application has been denied.
You showed up in our neighborhood only a few days ago. You immediately caught my eye as I saw you crouched under my neighbors car. To quote Britney Spears, I could tell you "we're not a girl, not yet a woman." With the many outdoor cats on our street, I sincerely hope you belong to someone who loves you.
I must say that I did not appreciate you barging into my house this morning. As I tried to distract our own cat, quiet the crying baby, and shoo you out of the house, I realized you were too much for me to handle right now. It brought a horrible memory of the mental break down I had when Clare was first born. I was holding a screaming baby, while the cat was yowling at me from the couch for attention, and my two dogs stared at me from the window like "Why do you not love us anymore?". I'm sorry, but I only have so much love/sanity to give. And I think another pet might just break me.
I apologize for the mixed signals I was giving you by putting out the bowl of water. It was wrong of me to lead you on like that. It was like that time in college, where a guy flirted with me for weeks. Then when I got up the nerve to ask him to a movie, he just so happened to be busy that day, and the next, and possibly for every weekend that month. I know it's no fun to be toyed with.
You are more that welcome to stay around though. You can sleep on my garage shelf, as long as the door is open. And I'll leave the water bowl out till I know you've moved on. Please understand that even though it will not work out between us, I still do care. I've posted your pictures on craigslist and austinlostpets.com. Maybe your owner will come to claim you soon. You have our best wishes for success in finding the right household for you.
Sincerely,
Mary Morris
CEO of The Morris House
September 2, 2009
What I've learned after 3 years?
Today, Kevin and I celebrate three years of marriage. I can't help but think back over the time that has passed and how much each of us has learned. Here are the top ten things I've learned so far:
10. When you want a dog and your spouse wants a cat, sometimes the best compromise is to not compromise at all. Get both!
9. Push your spouse to try new things like Parmesan cheese on your pasta or green chilies in your enchiladas.
8. When your spouse has an embarrassing story about having to poop outdoors, don't prod her to tell it in front of your family.
7. Never joke about the "d" word (divorce). It's just not funny.
6. After a few months of being married, you will look back at all the other guys you were attracted to and start to see how all of them were horribly wrong for you.
5. Having children is the hardest thing you will ever do, but paradoxically it will also be the best thing you ever do. They change your life completely, and most of the time it's when you need a change in your life.
4. Be smart with your money and forget the Joneses. They are too hard to keep up with anyway. You don't need the biggest house or the nicest cars, but you do need to manage your debt and save for your future.
3. When you start feeling like you need more from your spouse, look at what you are giving instead. If you work more on giving, then you will receive more than you thought was possible.
2. Never make your husband your God. He is just a human that will make mistakes. But God has a perfect love for you, and his longing for you will never fade. While you love your husband with all that you have, make sure you give a little more to God.
1. When your sitting on a dusty orphanage floor in Mexico with your boyfriend of only two weeks and you feel God speak to your heart that this man is your perfect match and future husband, rest assured that he is absolutely right. You have a beautiful life in your future.
Love you, Kevin! I can't wait to spend many more years by your side.
10. When you want a dog and your spouse wants a cat, sometimes the best compromise is to not compromise at all. Get both!
9. Push your spouse to try new things like Parmesan cheese on your pasta or green chilies in your enchiladas.
8. When your spouse has an embarrassing story about having to poop outdoors, don't prod her to tell it in front of your family.
7. Never joke about the "d" word (divorce). It's just not funny.
6. After a few months of being married, you will look back at all the other guys you were attracted to and start to see how all of them were horribly wrong for you.
5. Having children is the hardest thing you will ever do, but paradoxically it will also be the best thing you ever do. They change your life completely, and most of the time it's when you need a change in your life.
4. Be smart with your money and forget the Joneses. They are too hard to keep up with anyway. You don't need the biggest house or the nicest cars, but you do need to manage your debt and save for your future.
3. When you start feeling like you need more from your spouse, look at what you are giving instead. If you work more on giving, then you will receive more than you thought was possible.
2. Never make your husband your God. He is just a human that will make mistakes. But God has a perfect love for you, and his longing for you will never fade. While you love your husband with all that you have, make sure you give a little more to God.
1. When your sitting on a dusty orphanage floor in Mexico with your boyfriend of only two weeks and you feel God speak to your heart that this man is your perfect match and future husband, rest assured that he is absolutely right. You have a beautiful life in your future.
Love you, Kevin! I can't wait to spend many more years by your side.
August 24, 2009
Who is Your God?
This Sunday's first reading had one of my all time favorite verses in it. It's from Joshua and it goes "If it does not please you to serve the Lord, decide today whom you will serve... As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." It was a personal motto from high school, that transcends into my new family. It was a decision to serve the Lord that I have (hopefully faithfully) stuck with and will stick with for the rest of my life. But the deacon posed the question of what other gods do we serve?
Mine are facebook and T.V. I am a classic facebook addict. I check it multiple times a day, every day of the week. It's almost like a nervous twitch. If I'm sitting down and want to do something, I automatically get up and go to the computer to refresh my e-mail and facebook. A friend of mine, Kristy, recently decided that facebook was interfering with her real life, and closed her account. On one side I was impressed, but the other side shivered at the thought of giving up my drug of choice. I don't want to close my account because it is such a great way to contact my family and close friends, but there needs to be a way to cut down the time I spend on it.
The T.V. addiction is a little funny considering that we only receive 2 stations with our antennae. Once we ditched cable for cost reasons, we thought it would also decrease the amount of tv we watched with the limited channel selections. The t.v. has been my constant companion during the day. In the beginning, it was a way to count the hours as I fumbled my way through caring for a newborn. Today show, Clare wakes up, The View, Clare's 1st nap, All My Children, Clare's 2nd nap, The Doctors, My shift is almost up, The Local News, Kevin will be home anytime now. I felt like I needed the constant background noise to drive out the weirdness of being home alone in a conversation-less house with a baby I had no idea how to care for. Now it's become a distraction when the routine of baby care gets to be boring.
I was also paranoid about making sure Clare didn't actually watch t.v. till she was older. So she's always been faced away from the t.v. or distracted if she was able to see it. But with the dawn of her new found mobility, that is not possible any more. And she loves t.v. It's like her own little heaven when she can lock her eyes on it for more than a few minutes. The t.v. needs to be turned off, and other activities need to take it's place. I know it, but I don't know how to do it yet. It's the god I've been serving, instead of the real God of our household.
So today, Clare and I stopped into the adoration chapel for a bit to try and refocus our life. I wouldn't call it a smashing success, considering Clare thought the small, still, peaceful chapel was great place to try out her highest pitched squeals. Though the other prayers said it was fine, I couldn't help but feel bad about interrupting their quite time with God. Maybe with some practice she will learn what "shh" means and actually do it!
I hope you had a chance this Sunday, or after reading this, to think about what other gods are in your life. I feel a little bit better about admitting mine to you, but that's probably because I'm an overly open person. Wish me luck as I attempt to curb the habits, because.... AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSEHOLD WE WILL SERVE THE LORD AND NO OTHER!
Side Note To Any Other Parents: If you let your child watch the Jerry Springer show the second they came out of the womb, please know that I do not judge or feel that you made the wrong choice. My decision to keep Clare from watching t.v. is purely personal and not for every kid. The End.
Mine are facebook and T.V. I am a classic facebook addict. I check it multiple times a day, every day of the week. It's almost like a nervous twitch. If I'm sitting down and want to do something, I automatically get up and go to the computer to refresh my e-mail and facebook. A friend of mine, Kristy, recently decided that facebook was interfering with her real life, and closed her account. On one side I was impressed, but the other side shivered at the thought of giving up my drug of choice. I don't want to close my account because it is such a great way to contact my family and close friends, but there needs to be a way to cut down the time I spend on it.
The T.V. addiction is a little funny considering that we only receive 2 stations with our antennae. Once we ditched cable for cost reasons, we thought it would also decrease the amount of tv we watched with the limited channel selections. The t.v. has been my constant companion during the day. In the beginning, it was a way to count the hours as I fumbled my way through caring for a newborn. Today show, Clare wakes up, The View, Clare's 1st nap, All My Children, Clare's 2nd nap, The Doctors, My shift is almost up, The Local News, Kevin will be home anytime now. I felt like I needed the constant background noise to drive out the weirdness of being home alone in a conversation-less house with a baby I had no idea how to care for. Now it's become a distraction when the routine of baby care gets to be boring.
I was also paranoid about making sure Clare didn't actually watch t.v. till she was older. So she's always been faced away from the t.v. or distracted if she was able to see it. But with the dawn of her new found mobility, that is not possible any more. And she loves t.v. It's like her own little heaven when she can lock her eyes on it for more than a few minutes. The t.v. needs to be turned off, and other activities need to take it's place. I know it, but I don't know how to do it yet. It's the god I've been serving, instead of the real God of our household.
So today, Clare and I stopped into the adoration chapel for a bit to try and refocus our life. I wouldn't call it a smashing success, considering Clare thought the small, still, peaceful chapel was great place to try out her highest pitched squeals. Though the other prayers said it was fine, I couldn't help but feel bad about interrupting their quite time with God. Maybe with some practice she will learn what "shh" means and actually do it!
I hope you had a chance this Sunday, or after reading this, to think about what other gods are in your life. I feel a little bit better about admitting mine to you, but that's probably because I'm an overly open person. Wish me luck as I attempt to curb the habits, because.... AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSEHOLD WE WILL SERVE THE LORD AND NO OTHER!
Side Note To Any Other Parents: If you let your child watch the Jerry Springer show the second they came out of the womb, please know that I do not judge or feel that you made the wrong choice. My decision to keep Clare from watching t.v. is purely personal and not for every kid. The End.
August 4, 2009
Pimples and Angst
Pimples have decided to take over my chin this week. You would think that God would have an out-clause that after all your teenage years filled with blemishes and night creams, that you would then get to go on living your 20's in facial clear bliss. But no, I swear I'll still be looking over the Noxzema products at Wal-mart when I hit 60. There is only one emotion that runs through my body as I stare into the mirror wishing the pimples would just disappear; teenage angst. You remember those intense emotions of strife that make up every one's teen years. Where every problem is blown 100 times out of proportion due to crazy hormone changes. As I stare into my reflection glaring at my acne, I am suddenly swept away back in time...
I'm back in junior high, and one little slip of my foot has caused a large and ill placed hole in my uniform shorts. For the rest of the day, I am forced to wear my large, baggy, red gym shorts. The icing on the cake is that as I walk away, you can see "KRILE" written in 3 foot tall black letters across my butt. Aughh! In all my teenage wisdom, I'm pretty sure I will die of embarrassment by the end of the day.
Somehow I live to make it to high school and my first job. I'm the new receptionist at the high school aquatic center, only I'm desperate to quit after the first week. You see, the guy I was dating for "forever" dumped me a few weeks ago, and he just happens to be one of our schools star swimmers. That means having to avoid eye contact and pretending to busy almost everyday as he walks through the lobby. The stress alone made me want to buy stock in Clearasil.
Luckily I stuck with the job for over two years and made it to college. My class schedule is made, and before I know it I'm swamped with homework and labs. With finals right around the corner, it is vital to study since the test counts 25% of your final grade. With plenty of studying and rest, I wake up the morning of my final wondering why I feel a little bit too rested. Could it be that I forgot to set my alarm clock and have now conveniently slept through the entire 3 hour testing period for the final. Ahh!!! I leave about 30 frantic, half crying, messages to my professors answering machine begging for a second chance. And like all teen angst problems, it was resolved without any real problem. I re-took the test, passed my classes, and graduated college.
Now in the real world with my feet firmly planted, you would think that a silly thing like acne wouldn't get to me. But think back for a second to your teen years, you know you have stories like mine. Now everyone go wash your face and hope to never have to relive your teen years!
I'm back in junior high, and one little slip of my foot has caused a large and ill placed hole in my uniform shorts. For the rest of the day, I am forced to wear my large, baggy, red gym shorts. The icing on the cake is that as I walk away, you can see "KRILE" written in 3 foot tall black letters across my butt. Aughh! In all my teenage wisdom, I'm pretty sure I will die of embarrassment by the end of the day.
Somehow I live to make it to high school and my first job. I'm the new receptionist at the high school aquatic center, only I'm desperate to quit after the first week. You see, the guy I was dating for "forever" dumped me a few weeks ago, and he just happens to be one of our schools star swimmers. That means having to avoid eye contact and pretending to busy almost everyday as he walks through the lobby. The stress alone made me want to buy stock in Clearasil.
Luckily I stuck with the job for over two years and made it to college. My class schedule is made, and before I know it I'm swamped with homework and labs. With finals right around the corner, it is vital to study since the test counts 25% of your final grade. With plenty of studying and rest, I wake up the morning of my final wondering why I feel a little bit too rested. Could it be that I forgot to set my alarm clock and have now conveniently slept through the entire 3 hour testing period for the final. Ahh!!! I leave about 30 frantic, half crying, messages to my professors answering machine begging for a second chance. And like all teen angst problems, it was resolved without any real problem. I re-took the test, passed my classes, and graduated college.
Now in the real world with my feet firmly planted, you would think that a silly thing like acne wouldn't get to me. But think back for a second to your teen years, you know you have stories like mine. Now everyone go wash your face and hope to never have to relive your teen years!
July 25, 2009
I could not make this up if I tried
(Eating at Jimmy John's, where the music is played abnormally loud)
Mary: Is this the Beastie Boys?
Kevin: No, it's Rage Against the Machine.
Mary: I can really hear the rage in their voice.
Kevin: Yeah, I think you would like them. They hate America.
Mary: What? Are they not from here?
Kevin: No they are, but they're like Democrats...
July 22, 2009
Not to toot my own horn, but...
I am a domestic goddess this week!
Exhibit A: I planned, purchased, and installed drapes in Clare's room all in one day. The fact that I had to use power tools, should make my Dad glow with pride.
Exhibit B: I made this darling baby shower diaper cake for my friend Nichole's Shower/Good-bye party. It is too cute for words.
Exhibit A: I planned, purchased, and installed drapes in Clare's room all in one day. The fact that I had to use power tools, should make my Dad glow with pride.
Editor's Note: Please excuse the blatant disregard towards the fold wrinkles in the drapes. That's how we roll in this house. If it bothers you, feel free to look away or come to my house to iron them out.
Exhibit C: With a house of 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 husband, I have found it very difficult to keep the carpets clean for my "rolling like a log" infant. I would have to vacuum every day to keep up with the mess, but not anymore. I have invented the Baby Roomba to roll away my problems. Simple strap on some duct tape to your rolling infant and sit back and relax.
Notice her natural gift to pick up grime.
Editor's Note: No children were harmed in the making of the post...
July 13, 2009
Just Let It Go
Do you ever find yourself lying in bed before you fall asleep feeling like there is a ton of bricks on your chest? It's like you've spent the whole day juggling the bricks. Then someone from the crowd throws in one to many for you to handle, and they all come piling down. I'm a classic brick juggler. I always think I can handle everything that comes my way, but then find myself flat on my back, out of breath, and covered in all the things I was trying to control.
Like so many people I live by the phrase "I can do all things", but forget about the second half of "through Christ who strengthens me". That's what I realize when I'm lying on the floor under all the debris. I try to handle everything on my own, and forget that God is essential in everything I do. But the bricks are still there, and they can not be ignored. It's time to Let Go, and Let God.
To 'Let Go, and Let God' is to stop, realize you've tried to control too many things on your own, and move over to let God take control. I sit in a quiet place and look at my fists. They are clinched tightly around all my problems. My nails dig into my palms, as the stress feels like it is going to swallow me whole. Then I take a deep breath, tell God I can't do it anymore, open up my hands, and visualize the problems falling to the floor with a loud crash. For those problems that cause me the most grief, I throw them to the wall like a dish smashing into a million pieces at the impact. I give all my problems to Him, all my anxieties to Him, all my responsibilities to Him, all my worries to Him. I check my breathing to see if my chest is free from the bricks. If not, then I do it over and over and over again till I feel free.
While the problems don't necessarily automatically disappear in God's hand, my impulses to control them have. Instead of juggling the bricks, I focus on the capable hands I gave them to. The temptation to pick up the bricks again is strong, but I leave them at the feet of God and walk away. Life no longer becomes overwhelming when I keep giving it all to God. "For my yolk is easy, and my burden light" when I walk with God by my side.
Like so many people I live by the phrase "I can do all things", but forget about the second half of "through Christ who strengthens me". That's what I realize when I'm lying on the floor under all the debris. I try to handle everything on my own, and forget that God is essential in everything I do. But the bricks are still there, and they can not be ignored. It's time to Let Go, and Let God.
To 'Let Go, and Let God' is to stop, realize you've tried to control too many things on your own, and move over to let God take control. I sit in a quiet place and look at my fists. They are clinched tightly around all my problems. My nails dig into my palms, as the stress feels like it is going to swallow me whole. Then I take a deep breath, tell God I can't do it anymore, open up my hands, and visualize the problems falling to the floor with a loud crash. For those problems that cause me the most grief, I throw them to the wall like a dish smashing into a million pieces at the impact. I give all my problems to Him, all my anxieties to Him, all my responsibilities to Him, all my worries to Him. I check my breathing to see if my chest is free from the bricks. If not, then I do it over and over and over again till I feel free.
While the problems don't necessarily automatically disappear in God's hand, my impulses to control them have. Instead of juggling the bricks, I focus on the capable hands I gave them to. The temptation to pick up the bricks again is strong, but I leave them at the feet of God and walk away. Life no longer becomes overwhelming when I keep giving it all to God. "For my yolk is easy, and my burden light" when I walk with God by my side.
June 25, 2009
Summer of Self-Improvement
Things on The Summer of Self-Improvement List
1) Wear shorts at least once a week. Now living in 100+ weather in a town where winter doesn't exist, you would think that this would be a no brainer. But let me tell you, I have issues with shorts. My legs haven't seen the light of day since junior high. Of the massive 448 photos of me on facebook, I am wearing shorts in a grand total of 18 pictures. That is less than 4%. I hope to rid myself of my ridiculous shorts phobia and no longer be known as "t-shirt & jeans girl"!
2) Keep toenails looking fabulous. If they are not always kept stunning with shades of Barbie pink or She-devil red nail polish, then they at least have to look well groomed and trimmed. It's summer, and wearing flip-flops all the time should require good looking toes.
3) Do something with this hair. I have recently chopped quite a bit of hair off in an attempt to keep it out of Clare's grabby little hands. (No, not as much as I cut off that one time that made me look like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.) It looks fine down, but the up in a pony-tail it looks like a bunny's tail that got stuck in a light socket. I have been experimenting for weeks, but haven't found the out-of-my-face, low maintenance hair-do I need.
Things Not on the Summer of Self-Improvement List
1) Getting a tan. I am pasty white, always have been, always will be. I accept my body as God has designed it, and I will not bother with tanning.
2) Wearing a bikini. Clare did quite a number on my body when she was being formed, and I don't think it will ever be quite the same. I have already bought and worn my first "Mom Suit". It comes fully equipped with low cut bottoms, tummy coverage elastic bands, and a full coverage inner lining bra. Maybe when all the kids are born, I might try to get into Hot Mom shape again.
1) Wear shorts at least once a week. Now living in 100+ weather in a town where winter doesn't exist, you would think that this would be a no brainer. But let me tell you, I have issues with shorts. My legs haven't seen the light of day since junior high. Of the massive 448 photos of me on facebook, I am wearing shorts in a grand total of 18 pictures. That is less than 4%. I hope to rid myself of my ridiculous shorts phobia and no longer be known as "t-shirt & jeans girl"!
2) Keep toenails looking fabulous. If they are not always kept stunning with shades of Barbie pink or She-devil red nail polish, then they at least have to look well groomed and trimmed. It's summer, and wearing flip-flops all the time should require good looking toes.
3) Do something with this hair. I have recently chopped quite a bit of hair off in an attempt to keep it out of Clare's grabby little hands. (No, not as much as I cut off that one time that made me look like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.) It looks fine down, but the up in a pony-tail it looks like a bunny's tail that got stuck in a light socket. I have been experimenting for weeks, but haven't found the out-of-my-face, low maintenance hair-do I need.
Things Not on the Summer of Self-Improvement List
1) Getting a tan. I am pasty white, always have been, always will be. I accept my body as God has designed it, and I will not bother with tanning.
2) Wearing a bikini. Clare did quite a number on my body when she was being formed, and I don't think it will ever be quite the same. I have already bought and worn my first "Mom Suit". It comes fully equipped with low cut bottoms, tummy coverage elastic bands, and a full coverage inner lining bra. Maybe when all the kids are born, I might try to get into Hot Mom shape again.
June 8, 2009
Dum Dum Da Dum....
Praise God! The Texan Krile family has now come full circle. Over Memorial Day weekend this year, my parents married off the last of their children. Just a few years ago, we were a family of five that had trouble cramming into one booth at Burger King, and now we are busting at the seams with more laughter and hugs than I ever imagined as a youth.
What better way to seal a person into your family, than a big, joyous wedding. I must admit that I'm a wedding lover through and through. I've often been the odd girl at wedding where I have never met the bride or groom, but will still be seen sobbing as the vows are exchanged. From the ultra lavish wedding with a perfect California sunset in the background to the simple intimate wedding in the backyard of a good friend, each holds the beauty of two separate beings becoming forever entwined. Two families meeting for the first time. The strange mixture of joy and sorrow at letting go of your married child. The chance to reconnect with friends you haven't seen for ages.
Praise God for all marriages.
Praise God for my parent's marriage. My Mom was the first to tell me that love is not an emotion. It is a decision that you make every day you are married. A decision to love your spouse no matter what.
Praise God for my brother's marriage. He was the first one to marry and brought us the lovely Melissa. It really allowed us to open up and bring in a new member of the family. We learned how to let our love grow.
Praise God for my marriage. I know God's hand was in me marrying Kevin, and I know my family is blessed for him being with us. (ex. small strong powerful hands)
Praise God for my sister's marriage. Though it is still new and in the honeymoon phase, the addition of David makes our family complete.
Praise God. Praise God.
What better way to seal a person into your family, than a big, joyous wedding. I must admit that I'm a wedding lover through and through. I've often been the odd girl at wedding where I have never met the bride or groom, but will still be seen sobbing as the vows are exchanged. From the ultra lavish wedding with a perfect California sunset in the background to the simple intimate wedding in the backyard of a good friend, each holds the beauty of two separate beings becoming forever entwined. Two families meeting for the first time. The strange mixture of joy and sorrow at letting go of your married child. The chance to reconnect with friends you haven't seen for ages.
Praise God for all marriages.
Praise God for my parent's marriage. My Mom was the first to tell me that love is not an emotion. It is a decision that you make every day you are married. A decision to love your spouse no matter what.
Praise God for my brother's marriage. He was the first one to marry and brought us the lovely Melissa. It really allowed us to open up and bring in a new member of the family. We learned how to let our love grow.
Praise God for my marriage. I know God's hand was in me marrying Kevin, and I know my family is blessed for him being with us. (ex. small strong powerful hands)
Praise God for my sister's marriage. Though it is still new and in the honeymoon phase, the addition of David makes our family complete.
Praise God. Praise God.
April 9, 2009
Stretched and Confused
I should have taken pictures! No, nothing too risque, just pictures. Sure the thighs jiggled a bit more than I liked and the whiteness of the skin would be shocking with a flash. But I still should have taken pictures...
It's cute in the beginning, almost a thrill. "Oh I'm pregnant! I'm going to get so big". Then it starts to scare you as the first stretch marks appear on the back of your thighs. As the weight packs on and the stomach grows, your mind starts to forget about your body and only thinks about the life you are carrying. I guess it's God's coping mechanism with what is really happening with your body. But then the day of reckoning comes.
No, I'm not talking about the day you give birth. Yeah, that's a thrill and joy, but not the day you'll really remember. I'm talking about a week or so later. The day when you step out of the shower, start drying yourself off, the condensation evaporates off the mirror, and you see what has happened to your body.
"Ahhh!" I screamed. Those cute little beginning stretch marks decided to multiply like rabbits all over my legs, back, and stomach. I dare to turn a little and shiver at the sight of my butt. It looks like a pack of alley cats used my butt as a scratching pad. Skin that once encircled the life I carried within me, now look rejected as it droops in cascading folds. And further down, I'm still having nightmares of what it went through, so we just won't get into that!
Now luckily most of the extra weight seemed to slip away. I guess it helps when you have someone draining ounces of milk off of you around the clock. But those last few pounds just don't seem to want to budge. It's like those pounds have found a nice cushy home that they would fight to the death for. The phrase "Mom Butt" flashes through my mind, and I can see that my fate has been sealed. I had to go swimsuit shopping yesterday. I cringed at every suit, and pulled at every edge hoping it could cover just one more inch of skin. The days of bikinis are long gone.
Clare is over four months now, and I think I look great... as long as I am fully clothed. But this story is not to terrify any of my friends that are pregnant or going to be in the future. My little girl is worth every mark, and I will create new ones for her future siblings. I just want to say to those ladies out there, take a few pictures. They will be something nice to look back on right before you pop in the "tone and firm" workout DVD!
It's cute in the beginning, almost a thrill. "Oh I'm pregnant! I'm going to get so big". Then it starts to scare you as the first stretch marks appear on the back of your thighs. As the weight packs on and the stomach grows, your mind starts to forget about your body and only thinks about the life you are carrying. I guess it's God's coping mechanism with what is really happening with your body. But then the day of reckoning comes.
No, I'm not talking about the day you give birth. Yeah, that's a thrill and joy, but not the day you'll really remember. I'm talking about a week or so later. The day when you step out of the shower, start drying yourself off, the condensation evaporates off the mirror, and you see what has happened to your body.
"Ahhh!" I screamed. Those cute little beginning stretch marks decided to multiply like rabbits all over my legs, back, and stomach. I dare to turn a little and shiver at the sight of my butt. It looks like a pack of alley cats used my butt as a scratching pad. Skin that once encircled the life I carried within me, now look rejected as it droops in cascading folds. And further down, I'm still having nightmares of what it went through, so we just won't get into that!
Now luckily most of the extra weight seemed to slip away. I guess it helps when you have someone draining ounces of milk off of you around the clock. But those last few pounds just don't seem to want to budge. It's like those pounds have found a nice cushy home that they would fight to the death for. The phrase "Mom Butt" flashes through my mind, and I can see that my fate has been sealed. I had to go swimsuit shopping yesterday. I cringed at every suit, and pulled at every edge hoping it could cover just one more inch of skin. The days of bikinis are long gone.
Clare is over four months now, and I think I look great... as long as I am fully clothed. But this story is not to terrify any of my friends that are pregnant or going to be in the future. My little girl is worth every mark, and I will create new ones for her future siblings. I just want to say to those ladies out there, take a few pictures. They will be something nice to look back on right before you pop in the "tone and firm" workout DVD!
February 24, 2009
True Devotion
The first few moments when Clare was born were filled with anxiety, joy, and excitement. When they laid her on my stomach, I saw the beautiful life that would become my whole world. I wouldn't necessarily call it love at first sight, but a deep and heavy emotion took over body. The gravity and sincerity of what it means to be a mother filled me. From that moment on I became 100% devoted to Clare.
I would do anything for her. I remember one night when she was screaming in my arms and tears were streaming down my face, I whispered over and over in her ear, "I will always love you. I will always take care of you." Those words will always be true.
There is no mountain too high or river too deep. I will kiss her face and hold down her arm as the nurse has to draw blood from her month old arm. I will feed her from my own body to give her the nourishment she needs. I will talk in a ridiculously high pitched baby voice to get her to smile. I will rock her in my arms when she is screaming for hours. I will wake up every 2 hours for weeks till she can sleep longer on her own. I will sneak into her room when she is peacefully sleeping, just to make sure everything is alright. I will proudly wear the shirt that she just decided to spit-up on. I will read every self-help book made to make sure she is happy and healthy. I will fall in love with every little part of her body.
Clare depends on me for everything, and I take that job seriously. Being her Mom has been some of the most challenging times and at the same time the most rewarding. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I became her mom, and I will always have a devotion to her that cannot be broken. My bond to her will last a lifetime.
For everyone out there who reads this, I hope you take a moment to thank your own mom. There is no one in the world who loves you like she does. I have never loved or appreciated my own mom as much as I do now. Thank you for being devoted to me, Mom!
I would do anything for her. I remember one night when she was screaming in my arms and tears were streaming down my face, I whispered over and over in her ear, "I will always love you. I will always take care of you." Those words will always be true.
There is no mountain too high or river too deep. I will kiss her face and hold down her arm as the nurse has to draw blood from her month old arm. I will feed her from my own body to give her the nourishment she needs. I will talk in a ridiculously high pitched baby voice to get her to smile. I will rock her in my arms when she is screaming for hours. I will wake up every 2 hours for weeks till she can sleep longer on her own. I will sneak into her room when she is peacefully sleeping, just to make sure everything is alright. I will proudly wear the shirt that she just decided to spit-up on. I will read every self-help book made to make sure she is happy and healthy. I will fall in love with every little part of her body.
Clare depends on me for everything, and I take that job seriously. Being her Mom has been some of the most challenging times and at the same time the most rewarding. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I became her mom, and I will always have a devotion to her that cannot be broken. My bond to her will last a lifetime.
For everyone out there who reads this, I hope you take a moment to thank your own mom. There is no one in the world who loves you like she does. I have never loved or appreciated my own mom as much as I do now. Thank you for being devoted to me, Mom!
January 14, 2009
Momma Morris
*squeak* *grunt* *ugh* *whah* *oiyeee* The new sounds of my everyday life. Beside me squirms my new little girl, Clare Noelle Morris. It is quite surreal to think that a little over six weeks ago, she was just a bump in my stomach that I carried around everyday. Those were the easy days. My life has completely changed since then and will never be the same.
I have a new job now. The title of Mom is a 24 hours, 7 days a week position with no holiday's or sick leave. I'm available for a 10 am diaper change, 3 pm rocking chair routine, 9 pm booger sucking, and 2 am feeding frenzy. Everyday is a casual Friday, and some days showers are optional. There was no training before I took the position, so it has naturally had some tough moments.
Though I feel more and more like I am starting to get the hang of having a child, I am still constantly flipping Clare over to look for an owners manual. There is just so much involved in raising a child, and I'm doing most of it by guessing. I have a new found respect for parents all over the world.
Clare is the love of my life. She came out looking just like Kevin, but with a head full of curly hair like me. She changes every week and hits new milestones all the time. My favorite is that she's starting to smile. You can see the concentration on her face as she stares at my smile and works her check muscles to try and imitate it.
I would not be able to handle all the changes if it weren't for my loving and supportive husband. Kevin has lifted me up when I get so blue that I can't see any hope. He has whisked Clare away when she's been crying in my arms for an entire day. He has cooked and cleaned to help take care of the house. And has even woken up with me on some night shifts to help change a diaper.
I still feel as though I'm running on half a tank of gas and half a brain, but Clare is worth every moment. My life will never be the same, and I'm grateful for that!
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