NO... NO... YES... I'm not sure... Only if it's cheap... AHHHH!!!
While I hate to admit it, I'm the youngest child and sometimes I act like it! I'm at a point in my life when a lot of decisions have to be made. I want to go about it in a baby-like fashion kicking and screaming and fusing all the way. There is graduation, wedding, and the rest of life looming over my head. I have an unending list of decisions to make... and I'm not a decision making type of girl.
in my brain at the moment:
- should I get a new cap and gown
- I need to ask my advisor to check if I'm clear to graduate
- those two tests this week are going to be killers
- did mom order enough grad. invitations
- I'm soooo behind on wedding planning
- where is all the money going
- did my dress go up into flames at more'le
- did I make the right bridesmaid decisions
- how do I get the cheapest/best cake
- am I the only one the likes my photographer
- is kevin going to be able to get the honeymoon worked out
- is my ring paid for
- what do I know about a good DJ, why do I have to decide
- the paper's announcement needs to come out soon
- hope the table and chairs I bought are a good investment
- when am I going to learn to cook
- do I choose a bridesmaid dress that I've never seen in person
- how long will it take people to realize that I have no ideas/options/plans for a job that I need to be starting in 1/2 a year...
I have come to realize 3 things:
1) I'm so ready to graduate even though I will miss college, and I am terrified of what I will do next. I don't care about tests, GPA, or being active in organizations. I care about seeing Kevin as much as possible, cherishing the time I have left with my friends here, and partying till the very end.
2) I want to see the suicide rate for brides-to-be. Planning your wedding is not this fairy tale that the world makes it out to be. Look at any bride-to-be and you'll see someone who is tired, overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted at making decisions, and would rather just elope in Las Vegas. (Dad, I'm sure they would let you walk me down the isle instead of Elvis)
3) Instead of facing my problem of needing to find a real job, I'm shrinking away from it. I don't want to find out that: it's not something I love, that I need a masters, that I'll have to commute about an hour, I don't remember the skills they need me to have mastered, or that I just suck...
So excuse me world while I revert back to my childhood state. I'm going to go to my room, be stubborn, cry a little, and wait to come out till I'm ready to get over my hissy-fit.
