Reasons To Praise God

Clare Quotes (3 Years Old)

2012-01-26T19:16:00.001-06:00

While eating green chile talapia and spanish rice:
Clare: Mommy, Mommy, I got one more thing to tell you..... Sometime's I'm very difficult.
Me: (start laughing hard)
Clare: These things are sweet.
Me: (looking confused at the spicy fish) Sweet like candy?
Clare: Sweet like special candy

Bathroom Re-Do

2012-01-26T10:52:00.001-06:00

After living in our beautiful house for over a year, we decided to spruce things up by repainting our master bathroom. This is by far my favorite room in the house. Mostly due to the almost nightly hot baths I like to take in the huge tub. Here are some photos of the redo!

Who puts a towel bar completely across the room from the shower? We took that sucker down. The drapey window treatment was left over from the previous owner that happened to match our green towels at the time, but it collected dust more than it ever added to the decor.

Kevin and I are very lazy and refuse to fold a towel onto a rod every time we take a shower.
So you can imagine how excited we were to find these "robe hooks".

We have extremely tall ceilings in our bathroom, and Kevin decided to accent it with the metal work seen here. We've had that piece for years hanging from over our bed to over the mantle, but I'm really enjoying it here now.

The Looten's

2012-01-20T08:36:00.000-06:00

40 Looten's under one roof = 2 Grandparents, 13 Aunts &Uncles, 17 Grandchildren, Married to 5 in laws, and 3 Great Grandchildren

When we all get together, you can’t hear yourself think. Butsmaller gathering just feel out of sync.

We eat pickles of every variety with olives to match. Brisket, tacos, lasagna, and fish fries bythe batch. Be careful if eating a jar ofcanned peaches, they may be pickled and leave you quite speechless. Desserts are always never hard to find, withcookies and cakes and pies of every kind.

Card games of hand and foot and canasta are sure to arise,with plenty of dominoes and Mexican train that some despise. Scores and totalsare kept tallied by name, but we sometimes loose energy to finish the game.

There are people that can fix any machine you can find, and thinkersthat tinker with electronic devices of any kind. We’re teachers and nurses; students andretirees. Sewers, photographers, cooks, artists, singers, and don’t forget ourbabies. Our ages range from 87 to 1, with7 kids the family was sure to get bigger in the long run.

We don’t always agree, as anyone can see. Longhorns, Red Raiders, and Aggies atwar. Staunch republicans and democratsargue hardcore. Even though family is not something you choose, they are anamazing group of people that I would never want to loose. My family is large, but still very closeknit. We all fit together as luck wouldhave it.

Photo Booth

2012-01-09T09:04:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite spots in Kansas City is a tiny little old time photo booth hidden in the back of a restaurant in Crown Center. $4 in quarters, a few smiles, and 5 minutes to wait for developing will get you a memory captured forever. Our first photo was taken in our first year of marriage, and the second during our fifth. I really hope we can return there every couple of years to record our marriage in photo!

The Morris' ABC's for 2011

2011-12-16T08:15:00.002-06:00

A is for Albuquerque,where we made a record five visits this year

B is for Buffalo Springs Lake,our first camping adventure in September

C is for Christ the King, the wonderful CatholicChurch we’ve joined

D is for Dallas,a solo trip Mary took to play with her college friends in July

E is for Engineer, as Kevin loves his job with theCity

F is for Fiesta, we had a fabulous time at theInternational Balloon Fiesta

G is for Georgetown,our previous hometown we got to visit in April

H is for Halloween, we were Pooh (Kevin), Rabbit(Mary), and Tigger (Clare)

I is for Independence,as Clare has learned how to do more things on her own

J is for Joyful, the look on Clare’s face at her 1stcircus and carnival ride

K is for Knight, Kevin became a 1^stDegree Knight of Columbus in August

L is for Lubbock,our new home that we love

M is for Mommy and Me, Mary and Clare’s playgroupthat keeps our sanity

N is for Naptime, Mary’s favorite time of the day

O is for Obsession, Mary’s endless crafts andprojects galore

P is for Potty Training, which Clare has done withsuccess

Q is for Questions, which Clare has for everythingnow-a-days

R is for Running, as Kevin ran a 5K on Thanksgivingmorning

S is for Science Spectrum, Clare’s favorite museumto visit weekly

T is for Three, how old Clare turned this November

U is for Unbelievable, how blessed we are withfamily and friends

V is for the Roman Numeral 5, as we celebrated fiveyears of marriage

W is for Weight Loss, as Kevin has lost a record 100pounds

X is for Excel (sort of), what Mary is trying to doon her new sewing machine

Y is for Yikes, at a car accident Kevin was in thisDecember, he came out unharmed

Z is for Zoo, both Albuquerqueand Kansas City’sZoo visits in one year

Dear Clare (Year 3)

2011-11-30T08:11:00.001-06:00

Dear Clare,

        Happy 3rd Birthday, Munchkin! As I write this, you are in the other room "reading" all your books. You still are a bookworm through and through. Well, we both made it through the terrible twos with only a few battle scars. It really wasn't anything too bad. I always brag that you are a much easier toddler, than newborn. You have already entered into the 3 year old "Why?" years, except with your own flair, you say "What for?" What for I can't push Mae? What we don't eat food on floor for? What we go home for?
         You have gained so much independence this year. Climbing in and out of your chair, eating by yourself, opening and shutting doors, putting on your shoes, wearing underwear, sleeping in a twin bed, and drinking out of normal glasses. You tell me you're a "little big girl". Because you're not a baby, but you can't drive a car yet. That's when you get to be a big girl, apparently.
         Your birthday also marks our first full year in our house. The move to Lubbock has been wonderful. You get to see your Pamma and Pappa (Kevin's parents) way more, and you spend one day a week at Grandma and Grandpa's house (My parents). It is so wonderful to be surrounded by family. While your cousin Connor is still your best friend, you've also branched out and made new friends in our Mommy and Me group.
         You would be happy going to the Science Spectrum every day of the week, but some days I can get you excited about shopping. You are still my constant companion, but luckily not as clingy as you used to be. My heart melts when you tell me I'm your best friend. I know there will probably come a day, when you won't even give me a hug in public.
         When you born, you came out looking just like your father. Since then, you've gained your own features, but still have so much in common with him. You both are morning people, never seem to get cold, enjoy thrills and scares, could eat pizza 5 days a week, can watch football all day, and love to make up words and songs.
         This Thanksgiving, all I could think about is how thankful I am for you in my life. Since we lost your brother, William, and haven't had any luck getting pregnant again, I realize how lucky we are to have you. You are my gift from God. Even though there are some days where we both drive each other crazy, I will always be happy that you're my daughter. As we like to tell each other, "You're my favorite" and "You're my best friend". I love you, Clarebear!

Love Always,
Mommy

Interview with Clare (3 years old)

Whose your favorite? Pooh
What's your favorite color? Red
What's your favorite animal? Giraffe
What's your favorite food? Marshmallows
Where do you like to play? Pamma's house
What's your favorite thing to do? Go Shopping
Whose your best friend? Connor is
Whose your favorite Sesame Street character? Elmo
Whose your favorite Winnie the Pooh character? Christopher Robin
What's your favorite song? Elmo's song
What were you for Halloween? Tigger
What's your favorite toy? Giraffe Toy
What do you love? My pink blanket
What do you do at Pamma and Pappa's house? play some toys and read some books
What do you do at Grandma and Grandpa's house? play some toys and read some book
What's your favorite shirt? That one with all the sesame street guys in a balloon
What's your favorite book? The bible books
What's your favorite snack? a fruit
What's your favorite thing to drink? Milk, water, and orange juice
What do you want to be when you grow up? A fireman

A few weeks old

1 year old

2 years old

Almost 3 years old

Fatty of a Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T14:55:00.001-06:00

Top Reasons I Gained 15 pounds this weekend

5. Peanut's (a whole in the wall bar) hot wings paired with Pizza Hut pizza's

4. Unknown amounts of Alcohol. Consumed through beers and Sandra's addictive pomegranate concoction

3. Gate's burnt ends on bun

2. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast every morning

1. Thanksgiving meal. Topped with a combo dessert plate of chocolate and pumpkin pie, cause I just couldn't decide between them

Clare Quotes (2 Years Old)

2011-10-21T15:53:00.001-05:00

In honor of Clare's 3rd Birthday coming up next week. Here are a list of 2 year old sayings I've recorded over the past year!

Clare: "Daisy, No lickin' my bum bum"

Me: "What is this?"

Clare (whispering): "A rabbit"

Me: "Can you say it louder?"

Clare: "IT LOUDER!"

Clare's jibberish for What is This? = "Wha Ka Chi?" - We heard this one at least 10 times a day for months and months. Wha Ka Chi?

Clare learned that I have a name that's not just Mommy, so she was talking about everyone's full names; "Mary Morris, Clare Morris, Daddy Morris, Mae Morris, Duke & Daisy Morris!"

Playing Hide and Go Seek : 1,2,3,4, knockin' at the door, here I come!

Clare-isms:
Counter = The Count from Sesame Street
Umpty Dumpy = Humpty Dumpty
Chick-a-leigh-fffff = Chick-Fil-A

"Come outside and listen to the clouds!" I later found out that Kevin told her bug noises really came from the clouds....

Me - "Are you a little girl?"
Clare - "No, I'm a shurga girl."
Me - "You make up words to much. No one knows what they mean."
Clare - "I know what they mean!"
Me - Sigh.....

"Mommy, You're my best friend" or "You're my favorite" - I really need to get these on video, so that I can watch them when she a teenager and hates me!

Have You Met My New Husband?

2011-10-20T14:05:00.001-05:00

My new husband eats tons of veggies, can resist eating a whole sleeve of crackers in one sitting, has more energy, and can hold me closer than ever! Okay, so he's not a new, he's just improved. Kevin has lost 100 pounds since the beginning of this year. Do you have any idea how huge that is (no pun intended)! I can't even carry our dogs 50 lb. food bags over two feet.

I had never known Kevin under 300 lbs. When we first met, he was the big, funny guy that knew everyone. He was amazing, and I fell in love. Through our years together, I saw many hopes for a healthier life and plenty failed attempts to loose weight. To be honest, I never thought he would. I thought genetics, poor self-esteem, and bad eating habits would forever keep him from real progress. Then something changed. He found motivation, finally believed in himself, and took no short cuts or excuses. When he started his Metabolic Research Center diet, he followed all the rules. He ate by the book every day. He didn't even get cake on his birthday. He didn't swallow a single sip of beer at the Foltz beer tasting. And ate a grilled chicken salad, while I pigged down on fair food. And it was all worth it. Food is just a temporary fix that comes and goes, but having an amazing body is something to enjoy forever!

My husband amazes me. He lost the weight, when I didn't even know he could. He took care of himself, and at the same time, took care of our family. His gained health, means more wrestling with Clare, more rides able to go on at the fair, more trips up the attic ladder that I don't have to do, and more shopping at regular stores. He has made the Morris clan even better!

Pinterest Nailed It; Bat Edition

2011-10-06T13:24:00.001-05:00

For those of you who know about pinterest, My husband has a genius idea of starting a blog where you showcase what inspired you on pinterest, and then what it really looks like when someone makes it. This is example picture makes me laugh every time:

Without a fancy camera, huge supply closet, and Martha Stewart genes, it's hard to have any craft turn out like the original. But non the less, Pinterest is still very inspiring to me. In getting into the Halloween spirit, I found this picture on Pinterest. (Why do I feel the need to capitalize Pinterest, like it's some sort of big deal?)

I'm not really big into the Halloween spirit. As a ~~child~~ adult, I have always been terrified of people in costumes. I hate being scared. And I'd rather eat a hot dog than sugary candy any day. It's just not my holiday, but with a fascinated and excited little toddler, I'm trying to get more into the spirit. So here is our "real life" pinterest attempt.

$5 Bat Cut-Outs from Michael's + Fishing Wire + Pennies to weigh down the wings = Your Very Own Patio Bat Colony!

Joy of Camping

2011-09-29T11:04:00.000-05:00

"In every walk with nature one receives far

more than he seeks." - John Muir

Clare and Kevin tossing rocks

My Dad fishing at sunset

Feeding the ducks

Camping is having the best time doing nothing at all.

We played tons of games, without having brought one toy.

We learned new things, without having to open a book.

We connected with each other, without looking on facebook.

We got plenty of exercise, without trying to.

We played hard, ate hard, and slept hard.

No TV, no computer, and still tons to do.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my parents for loaning us their RV.

We had more fun that I could ever express in words.

Felt Flower Wreath for less than $10

2011-09-20T14:59:00.001-05:00

I have recently become obsessed with the website Pintrest. I found some tutorials on great fall wreaths and felt flowers, so I decided to mash them together and create my own wreath! Here's the steps:

You will need 1 Wreath ($4.99 @ Hobby Lobby), around 6-8 sheets of Felt in your chosen color scheme (4 for a $1 at Hobby Lobby), Scissors, Glue Gun, and Random Leaves from your back yard.

To make the felt flowers, cut out a circle from your felt. I freehand cut mine out about the size of a CD, because you don't have to be exact in any way. If your not lazy like me, you can use a CD or cup rim to trace out your circles. For small flowers you can get at least 6 circles out of one sheet of felt. Try to mix up your circle shapes to allow for different sizes.

With your felt circle start cutting around to make a curly Q/ pig's tail shape (see pics below). For a rose, leave it as is. For different flowers, cut out different petal shapes. Get creative!

You can roll up the flowers two different ways: (A) start from the outside end and roll or (B) start from the inside end and roll. Each way gives you a different looking flowers. I did all of mine from the outside rolling in, because I thought it helped them lay flatter and be bigger around. Dab some hot glue at the end to stop from coming unrolled. And Viola, you made flowers!

Next get your mother to come over, who took a class in flower arranging years ago, and force her to decide how the flowers should be arranged. If that's not a viable option, just wing it. It can't look that bad in the end. Hot glue flowers to the wreath. Then pluck some dying leaves from you yard and glue them into some nooks and crannies around the flowers. It will help it look better, I promise.

I think next spring, I want to make another one with different colors. Heck for less than $10 a pop, I could make one for each month of the year! Please note how adorable and happy my daughter looks holding my pumpkin. It was only a few hours later that she broke it into tiny pieces all over my kitchen, causing us both to throw a fit. *sniff* I will miss you little plaster pumpkin!

Wake On Up From Your Slumber

2011-08-24T12:39:00.002-05:00

Last week, I entered the SJN adoration chapel and knelt down before the Most Holy of Presence of God in the Eucharist. The chapel is a small simple room that I have seen transformed by miracles. All I could do was think, "Where have I been?" After graduating high school, I started an hour with God every week till I moved to Georgetown. Those hours had me more spiritually on fire than you could believe. I felt peace over conflicts in my life; I heard God's voice showing me His will; I saw visions of things that can't be explained; I talked to a drug addict who was waiting on a bus for rehab; I got confirmation that God had hand picked my husband for me.

So many times "Life Happens", and we loose what was so essential to us. There's a saying that goes, "If you're not growing in your faith, then you are loosing it." It's hard to admit it's true. I think back to those amazing memories of that chapel and wonder why have I pushed those times to the back of my mind. I think we've all experienced amazing God filled moments in our lives, but unless we strive to go deeper and further, they just become distant memories without the power to rejuvenate us.

I've recently had my internal record player stuck on the new single from NeedToBreathe called Slumber. I've included it in this post to spread it's wonderful message.

"All these victims stand in line for crumbs that fall from the table, just enough to get by."

Why are we just dragging ourselves to Mass, attempting to stay awake, instead of coming prepared and excited for what we are about to receive? Not just crumbs, but a feast.

"Come on, sing like we used to, dance like we want to. Come on Darlin', open up your eyes"

I feel like I used to sing God's praises all day long, and dance in His joy. I want to revive that beautiful time in my life.

Where's My Baby?

2011-08-17T11:44:00.004-05:00

It was just last week that I was rocking her to sleep every night. Just yesterday that she started walking. Just a heart beat ago that she first said, "Mommy, you're my best friend." And then I took a second to blink and my baby has turned into a big girl.

She sleeps in a big girl bed.
She has an imagination and can pretend anything.
She wears big girl underwear all day.
She drinks out of normal cups.
She climbs into her own car seat.
She plays WITH other kids, instead of just playing in the same area as them.
She has conversations with me using full sentences.
She can come up with her own prayers at night.

I swear next month, she's going to ask me if she can shave her legs and go out to a movie with a boy. Oh boy, I'm not ready for this!

Crazy Catholic Cuties who are Now Old Ladies

2011-07-27T08:13:00.008-05:00

Spending a weekend with two women who know countless embarrassing stories about you is sure to be a laugh fest. All though the 3 of us haven't been together in four years, the passing of time can't weaken friendships so strong. We picked up right where we left off with hugs and laughter. The woman of the weekend was Elizabeth, who is expecting her first baby in September. I was immediately disappointed when I first saw her, because at 30-some weeks she has clearly visible ankles and no "fat-face". Two pregnancy conditions that my body fully embraced in my 3rd trimester. But jealousy aside, she looked great with her kicking belly (literally)!

I has originally thought that a weekend without my kid would obviously include sleeping in and getting plenty of rest, but we had too much talking to do to allow excess sleep. Luckily, Stacie's Mom supplied me with lots of Sonic and Starbuck's to keep my eyes open. Actually, Stacie's Mom took care of me so much, that I will forever be grateful to her for all she did for me on this trip. I won't go into detail, but for me being a poor Mom right now, she made sure I had a fantastic weekend.

The end of the weekend was spent in luxury at the Stoneleigh hotel in downtown Dallas. Stacie's Mom had a room there for the night, and invited us girl's and Elizabeth's Mom over for a massive slumber party. There were drinks at the bar, meandering through suites on the top floor, and desserts ordered from room service. I've never been to a place where the valet opened the back door for me to go out and had someone take our bags to the room. Chandeliers in the trees and men in tuxedos in the lobby. It was such a dream!

But the absolute highlight was to spend so much time with Stacie and Elizabeth. These are two strong Catholic women that I love to have in my life. They know me so well, and I know there is nothing I would ever keep from them. It's so hard to keep long distance relationships. One of us is single and working, one is married and working, and one of us is a Mom not working. All these strains can make it hard to keep up a good friendship, but these ladies make it all worth it! I can't wait for our next big life event, so we can have an excuse to get together again!

Me to a Tee

2011-07-12T08:10:00.012-05:00

My 27th birthday has now come and past. It's been a blur between traveling, and family, and the piles of laundry that comes with traveling. We've been so lucky in the past 3 weekends to be able to go to Kansas City and visit Kevin's Foltz side of the family, then Panhandle to visit my Looten side of the family, and then over to Albuquerque to squeeze in one last visit with Kevin's sister, Katie, before she heads to Ethiopia. I need a nap just re-reading all those trips!

But for my birthday, I decided to be very specific with my birthday present requests. (It's my birthday, so I can be bossy!) I could not be more pleased with what I got.

This is a tee from http://www.wildolivetees.com/ They make beautiful, religious shirts, that actually look good to wear. This one says "transform your mind". I like to think the girl on the shirt is what I look like in a spiritual world; crazy hair, bursting with flowers and butterflies.

I also got this beautiful birdie necklace. Just seeing it puts a smile on my face. It's simple, whimsical, and totally me.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/64516977/matte-white-gold-bird-and-leaf-branch?ref=cat1_gallery_23

It was a great birthday and some wonderful weekends, but I'm looking forward to do nothing this weekend besides twirl my new necklace between my fingers.

Summer Goals

2011-06-10T13:28:00.003-05:00

We are in a severe drought here in west Texas and hitting 100 degree days. To take my mind of my sweat stains and lack of swimming pool, I've decided to come up with my top goals for this summer:

Go Camping at Buffalo Springs Lake

Eat outside on our beautiful (but hardly ever used) patio furniture

Have a date night at the drive in theater (so we can make out like we are kids again)

Spend a day at Lubbock Water Rampage (I'm making this my own personal birthday present to myself)

Spray Clare with a hose at least once a week (that kid loves it)

Walk my dogs at least 3 times a week (yes, we own dogs that we hate most of the time; and no, we don't walk them normally)

Take a trip all by myself to spend time with two of my bestest college buddies (I can't believe I talked my husband and parents into leaving Clare with them. And I can't believe it's been over 2 years since we've all got together discuss deep topics, like hair issues and why I have no modesty around them.)

Force my friend Julie to let me come swim at this awesome country house that she will be house sitting in July. (Yes, Julie, you only told me about it this morning, and it's already on my list)

Good Eats: Fried Noodles w/ Ham & Cabbage

2011-05-12T14:10:00.000-05:00

If you are a fan of Chinese food, then this is the dish for you. It is finger lickin' good. It feeds 4 hungry adults, or 8 smaller appetites. My mother is well known for being a wonderful cook, and this is one of her signature recipes. She adapted it from a complicated cookbook into ingredients found at every Walmart in america. The problem I have with most Chinese recipe's are that they require weird sauces or spices that you buy and only use once in your lifetime. This recipe uses up all it's ingredients, besides corn starch and soy sauce. It has a lot of steps and can feel daunting the first time you cook it, so be sure to have a helper on hand in case you have too many pots burning for two hands to handle!

Here are the ingredients (more or less): 3 Ramen noodle packages, Soy Sauce, Cornstarch, Mushrooms, Sliced Ham, and Chinese/Napa Cabbage.

Now get some water boiling and cook up your noodles, saving one of the flavor packets on the side. When noodles are cooked, drain and rinse them under cold water.

Prep your veggies by slicing up the Napa Cabbage and Mushrooms. Cut the Cabbage is two lengthwise first, then into inch-ish strips. Mushrooms can be chopped up however you please.

On a smaller cutting board, slice up your ham. I buy the packages of ham that are thick and presliced. If desperate, lunch meat ham will work fine.

(Not pictured, because I'm not very good at this). In a Non-stick 10-8 inch skillet, heat to just above medium with some oil in it. Put half of your cooked noodles into the pan, and spread out into a nice plate shape. Cook for 5 min and flip. The flipping procedure is pictured below. Take the skillet over to the sink (so if you drop the noodles, you can just scoop them back up and put back into the pan). Cover the skillet with a dinner plate. Carefully flip the skillet. Slide noddles from the plate back to the pan to cook for 5 more minutes. When finished cooking first half of noodles, hold them in a warm oven.

This is the sauce mixture; 1 cup warm water, 5 tsp. cornstarch, 1 tbs. soy sauce, and one flavor packet from the Ramen. Mix and put to the side.

Now to cook the veggies and meat. Use a Wok or a very large skillet on high with some oil. Dump cabbage and mushrooms into the hot skillet. It is important to stir constantly in the very beginning, till the cabbage starts to wilt. After that you don't have to be so religious about the stirring.

This is what it should look like once it is nice a cooked down. See how nice my noodles look in the background before I ended up burning them.

Next, push the vegetables off to the side and add your meat. It's precooked ham, so you just have to warm it up. I like to cook it till it starts smelling like bacon in the kitchen!

Turn the heat down to medium, add your sauce mixture, and cook a few minutes till it's thick and bubbly.

Pull your noodles out of the oven. Hopefully both of your plates will look nice golden brown like the one on the right, and not like my burnt one on the left. Sigh....

Split your Wok mixture over the two plates. Cut into halves or fourths with a knife and serve immediately! It's got it all; Protein, Carbs, and Veggies.

Recipe Card: Fried Noodles W/ Ham & Cabbage

3 pkgs. Ramen Noodles (cooked 3 minutes, drained, and rinsed under cool water)

1 head of Chinese (Napa) cabbage, sliced

1 containers Mushrooms, sliced (optional)

1/2 lb. fully cooked Ham, sliced

1 cup. warm water w/ 1 pkg. Ramen flavoring, 1 Tbs. Soy Sauce, 5 tsp. Corn Starch

In an 8-10 inch non stick skillet, heat 1 tsp. oil. Add 1/2 noodles. Cook over medium heat for 5 min. Place plate on top and flip noodles. Cook another 5 min. May add more oil between adding noodles back for better browning. Keep finished noodles warm in an 150 degree oven. Finish other 1/2 of noodles in the same manner.

In wok, heated on high, add 1 Tbs. oil and stir fry cabbage and mushrooms. Then add ham and stir a few minutes more. Stir in chicken broth mixture. Cook until thick and bubbling. Serve on top noodles.

Good Eats: Carne Guisada

2011-05-04T14:53:00.005-05:00

Here's my first attempt at putting a wonderful recipe on my blog. I am an avid food lover. Being on a budget means that I've got to do the cooking if I want some good food. So if your nightly dinner routine needs a boost, try this recipe next week. Carne guisada is a tex-mex, slowly cooked, stew meat in a sort of gravy sauce. I could eat it every day. It can be cooked with pork, beef or chicken, but pork is my favorite. Now please excuse my amateur stab at this. I am no Pioneer Woman. The counter stains are real, the spices are mostly Walmart brand, and the camera shots are one step up from a disposable camera! Here we go!

The list of ingredients; Beef Stew Meat, Oil, Flour, Water, Tomato Sauce, Cumin, Garlic Powder, Pepper, Chili Powder, Salt

First, you brown your meat in a piping hot skillet with oil. I like to get the pan literally smoking hot to get a nice brown on the meat. Warning: Be very careful putting the meat in your skillet. The ugly burn scar on my stomach is testament to the tragedy that can happen if your not paying attention to what you are doing.

When the meat juices begin to evaporate (or after about 2 minutes) add your flour. Stir around till flour browns. You see those nice little crumbles in the pan mean extra goodness. Throw the meat and all other ingredients into a crock pot on low for about 6 hours.

Then magic appears in the crock pot! You will end up with incredibly tender meat and a delicious gravy/stewy sauce. Serve with tortillas (to dab up all the good sauce) or Mexican rice!

Carne Guisada

2 lbs. Stew Meat (pork or beef, use only 1 lb. if your not feeding a huge crowd)

2 tsp. vegetable oil

2 Tbs. flour

2 c. water

1 c. tomato sauce (or juice, or paste, or whole tomatoes)

1/4 tsp. cumin

1/2 tsp. garlic powder

1/4 tsp. pepper

1 tsp. chili powder

3/4 tsp. salt

1 can green chilies (optional, only if you like spicy)

1 small onion chopped (optional)

Heat skillet with oil on high. Add meat and start frying. When meat juices begin to evaporate, add flour. Cook and stir till meat and flour is browned. Add meat and the rest of the ingredients to the crock pot. Cook on low for about 6 hours. Serve with flour tortillas or over rice.

William's Anniversary

2011-04-28T13:30:00.002-05:00

To my dear sweet William,

Today marks the one year anniversary since we lost you. I miss you dearly and think of that day all the time. It's the nights when I can't sleep that I lie in bed thinking of the last time I held you in my arms. Thoughts of the pain, exhaustion, and grief swirl through my head. It was such terrifying time in our life.

Your Dad sometimes thinks about what you would be doing now, if we had gotten to keep you. Your first laugh, sitting up on your own, starting to crawl. For some reason, I can't even imagine those things. You were never ours to keep. You were always meant to stay with God. I'm glad you never had to shed a tear, have your heart broken, or learn to question God. I imagine you as a 6 year old boy running in the clouds with Jesus watching over you.

Life is full of ironies. When I first found out I was pregnant with you, I was so upset and shocked that I wouldn't let your Dad discuss your existence with me for a whole week. I wanted to pretend that you didn't exist, until I could wrap my brain around having another baby. Now a week doesn't go by without me thinking of you.

Before you came into our lives, I had always assumed I'd have a big family full of kids. Now I thank God for giving me Clare and hope more kids are in our future. We've learned not to assume anything. God has a plan for our family, and I just have to wait and see what it is.

We miss you dearly and wish we could see your sweet face again. Please watch over your little family here on earth. I hope that if I make it to heaven one day, you are the first person I see walking me towards those pearly gates. I love you, William.

Love Always,

Mommy

Fondue Fun

2011-04-14T10:42:00.003-05:00

I am very lucky to be a part of an amazing Mommy and Me group with Christ the King. These ladies are my sanity some days. We laugh, we over share, we watch our kids play, and we grow great friendships in the process. For our latest Mom's Night Out, I hosted a massive fondue party for us. Two hot oil pots, one chocolate, and one marshmellow pot. Not to mention pitchers of margaritas and beerritas. It was a night to remember. Thank you ladies for all the fun!

5 Reasons You're Glad You Didn't Marry Me

2011-04-07T14:50:00.008-05:00

I know there are thousands of men out there lamenting over the fact that they didn’t get to marry me *cough cough*, so here’s a little list to assure them why they do not wish I was their wife.

5. Rude Awakening. You know right before you go to sleep; the lights are off, the house is still, your body relaxes, and your mind finally drifts off to la la land after a long day. Then out of the blue… AHH-CHOOO. My untimely sneeze wakes us all up, and we have to start the falling asleep process all over again. Can you be allergic to sleep? I swear this happens once a week.

4. Cold Feet. Due to bad circulation, my feet are in a perpetual state of frozen. Every night we sit on the couch watching TV, and I wedge my icy paws under his legs. Kevin’s reactions are either (a) wincing pain from the fact I haven’t trimmed my nails in awhile, (b) the chills, because it’s like I’m shoving an ice pack onto his skin, or (c) a large sigh, because I refuse to wear socks that might solve the icy feet problem.

3. Laundry Apathy. While I am a dutiful house maker and tend to all the laundry of the house, I do it with disdain and disregard. I refuse to fold underwear and will only sloppily fold undershirts because I can’t shut the drawer otherwise. Socks never get turned right side out before being paired up and balled into a confusing knot. Shirts occasionally get hung up inside out, because I’m too lazy to do anything about it. And many weeks, our preciously clean clothes lie in a wrinkled pile on the floor. If I don’t put it up the day I clean them, they will inevitably sit in that pile till next week’s laundry day.

2. Inappropriate Timing. As most of you know, anything and everything comes out of my mouth when I’m talking. Very rarely do I think ahead to filter what I’m about to say, which leads to some embarrassing situations. Kevin and I were eating at McAlister’s once, and my salad came with regular white crackers and some brown whole wheat crackers. When I offered Kevin both packets, he only took the regular ones. So I blabbed out the ‘joke’, “What are you racist?” This happened at the same time an African American family was walking by our table. Fail

1. Food Aggression. This is a term we used at the shelter for dogs that were both over protective of their own food bowl and felt they had a right to other dogs food bowls. Unfortunately, my husband has also diagnosed me with the same condition. Don’t you even look at my food plate, because it is all mine. But if you don’t give me some of your food, I’ll be upset all night.

Happy Birthday, Kevin!

2011-03-22T10:21:00.002-05:00

Today is my husband's Birthday! To celebrate, I have written a few limericks for this special occasion. (Please, keep in mind, I am no poet)

Today is your twenty-ninth Birthday
And I give you a Hip-Hip-Hooray
You deserve all the praise
For all of your ways!
Enjoy being King for the Day!

There once was a husband named Kevin
It was rumored he came straight from heaven.
His eyes were bold green
and shone with a gleam.
His sweet kisses were like 7th heaven.

I've married the man of my dreams.
His love makes me burst at the seams.
Together complete,
Our union so sweet,
As a couple, we make quite a team.

How To: Magnetic Fishing Game

2011-03-07T14:04:00.005-06:00

This magnetic fishing game is a lot of fun for toddlers. It can help with learning colors, numbers, and fine motor skills. With a little fabric and a sewing machine, you can whip these up in no time.

Here's Clare reeling in her catch!

First, create a fish pattern on paper. (My husband insisted that his fish have both a top and bottom fin for maximum authenticity. When he asked for a side fin, my rolling eyes were enough to drop the subject.) Cut out the pattern from your scrap material. I liked the fleece scraps the best.

Sew around your fish, leaving a 1-2 inch gap to add stuffing. Use your hot glue gun to glue a small magnet near the mouth of the fish. (I found my magnets at hobby lobby.) Make sure you cut the points of your fish fins and mouth off, but be careful not to cut through your stitches.

Next use a stick/pen to flip your fishes inside out. Then stuff with some fluff and sew up where you left the gap.

Find an old stick or dowel rod to convert to a fishing poll. Glue two magnets to the end of your "fishing line". And Presto! You have yourself a great game.

Be sure to inform the big kids not to steal all the fish too fast like my husband does to me!

Raider Awakening

2011-02-18T12:58:00.005-06:00

There are events that can put us on a wonderful path full of love and happiness, and Raider Awakening did that for me. This weekend marks the 44th Raider Awakening retreat hosted for college students in Lubbock, and it makes me reminiscent of my own awakening eight and half years ago (#27, Trinity).

In the line to register for the retreat, I met a pretty blond haired girl. She was wearing an awkward t-shirt, featuring a prairie sunset and lonely windmill. Fast forward to today and you'll meet my most fashionable friend, Stacie Gasser. She is my closest friend and constantly reminds me how the power of friendship can pull you through anything.

During the retreat, I shared a room with a bubbly brown headed girl. She could talk, and talk, and talk some more. Fast forward to today and you'll meet my most sociable friend, Elizabeth Felderhoff. We've moved far, far away from each other, but every conversation feels like no time or distance has passed at all.

At the retreat, I saw a fun loving guy on the staff. He was extremely outgoing and knew everyone at the retreat. Fast forward to today and you'll meet my loving husband, Kevin Morris. He is the perfect match for me, and God brought us together for a beautiful marriage.

These retreats brought hundreds of wonderful people in my life. People who love their faith. People who love each other. And people who come together to support each other. Even after all these years, I can still feel the love in that retreat room that emanates from every person on Sunday morning.

That retreat lead to bible studies, praise and worship nights, adoration hours, rosary groups, more retreats, and the best memories. Today I pray for those retreating this weekend. I hope that God can give them some of the joy and happiness I've received through this retreat, because I know my life is richer for it.

To all those in the Raider Awakening family, know that I love you and miss you all!

I love them!

2011-02-10T14:27:00.008-06:00

In honor of Valentine's Day coming up, I thought I would share a few of the things I love the most! (materially speaking, of course)

Sun Chips and Pace Chunky Salsa - I don't know what originally inspired me to try these to tasty treats together, but they are an amazing combination. I recommend it to everyone.

Bath Shoppe's Foaming Milk Bath - I am a bath junky. I will take a hot bath every night of the week, if I can get away with it. The problem lies in finding good bath products. I fell in love with Bath & Body Works aromatherapy foaming bath products, but those suckers get expensive. This little product cost about $5 for a large bottle and works like a dream!

Sonic Happy Hour - You know you have a problem when one of your daughter's first phrases is, "Diet coke, easy ice". There is something way too irresistible about a half price cold fountain drink after afternoon naps. And yes, I can tell the difference between can and fountain Diet Coke!

ABC - The sad reality of my life is that most mornings, I turn on my t.v. already tuned into ABC, and it typically stays there all day. Every morning Clare and I watch an hour of Good Morning America. Then in the afternoon while Clare naps, I watch my delicious soap operas. Then after bedtime, Kevin and I love ABC comedy and reality t.v. We really should become spokes persons. (Or get a life)

Orange Tic Tac's - Do you ever taste a flavor that just brings you back to the happiness of your childhood? Well, these tic tac's do it for me. Something about that fake, processed, sugary orange flavor make my inside's smile.

Mommy Secrets

2011-01-11T14:43:00.002-06:00

I think more and more about how in this digital age, people have become chronic over-sharers. From mundane daily rituals to emotional outbursts that probably should have been kept private. Now I admit that I am a chronic over sharer, but I feel there is an area in women's lives that has been kept quiet for too long.

Becoming a Mom is an event that will completely change a Woman's life without exception. It is a weird paradox that having a kid is the best thing you will ever do, but at the same time be the hardest thing you'll ever do. In this paradox, I feel that Mom's everywhere will brag and glow about the wonderful things, but feel ashamed or closed lipped about the hard things.

When a woman becomes pregnant, there is excitement and joy and just a small glimmer of the hardships ahead. It's like women who have gone through it already want to gloss over the ugly parts, so not to scare them. But in truth, it is when we show our vulnerability that we create understanding and comfort. It's when I have an honest moment with another woman about my struggle that I feel like I can go through this because someone else has before me.

So in the effort to over share, I will say this.

Being a stay-at-home, can be the loneliest feeling in the world sometimes (thanks Mom)
Even when you know breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby, it does not mean it will be something you will enjoy or cherish for a year (my own revelation)
After 4 months of exhaustion, confusion, and disarray, you will begin to get your feet back under you and get used to this new life (thanks Kendra)
You will make mistakes with your child every week, just cut yourself a little slack and do better next time.
There was a point after having Clare, that I had to take an honest look at myself and confide in my husband. I said, "If I have one more breakdown like this, you have to take me to a doctor no matter how hard I fight you."

Every pregnancy is different, every child is different, and every one adjust differently. But just know that whatever you are going through, you are not alone and someone else has probably lived through it too. On a brighter note:

Everything's a phase, and will pass eventually
No one goes to college wearing diapers and sucking their thumb in public
You will never love someone so unconditionally as your own kid. They bring you the greatest joy.

12 Christmas Joy's

2010-12-21T14:08:00.004-06:00

My 12 Joy's of Christmas 2010

12. We have a real Christmas tree that lights up the house.

11. For the time being, our dogs are not trying to escape for the 65th time.

10. I pre-bought myself a $25 mani-pedi for Christmas! What a deal.

9. We went Christmas caroling around a friend's neighborhood! (a family tradition)

8. Clare love's my family's Anise Cookies, though most people hate them!

7. I made a gingerbread house with two 2 year olds, and no one ended up crying or fighting!

6. My sister is about to give birth to her first child any day now. (Come on, Anthony!)

5. Clare can sing the little drummer boy song with her own twist (what a pum pum)

4. I was able to take a "whole family" picture for our Christmas card this year (see above)

3. My Mother in law, Father in law, and Sister in law are all coming to our house for New Years to celebrate!

2. We are headed to Panhandle for Christmas, and I haven't gotten to celebrate there for 6 years

1. We are in our beautiful new house, full of joy and love!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Clare!

2010-12-08T16:39:00.006-06:00

Happy Birthday, my baby girl! You are two years old now, and grow more and more each day. Here are some of your highlights:

You finally started walking. It took you a long time, but we knew you had to do things your way.

Kisses and Hugs. You love them so much and request them on an hourly basis.

My little helper. From pushing the laundry basket, to loading the grocery cart, to 'helping' me cook, you've really stepped up around the house.

Singing Girl. From "Winnie the Pooh" to "Little Drummer boy", we can hear your little voice singing short little lyrics all over the house. Pa rum pa pum pum..... Pa rum pa pum pum....

Bookworm. As always, you are still obsessed with books. If I could read to you every second of the day, you would gladly sit and listen. You've even surprised us with the level of books you'll listen to. The Bernstein Bear books are long and wordy, but you insist we not skip a single page.

Summer Pool fun. This year you had your first swim lesson and membership to the splash pool. We spent hours this summer learning how to kick and slid down the kiddy slides.

You grow and learn every day, but it's nice for you to still request to be "held like a baby" every once a while. Love you, munchkin!

Things to tell myself next time I want to Paint

2010-11-17T13:50:00.002-06:00

5. Neon green is not that abrasive to the eyes. You'll get used to it.

4. Just because you notice those scuff marks every day doesn't mean they are noticeable.

3. Paint colors always look better on the swatch than all over the wall.

2. You've ruined 3 perfectly good shirts by painting in them. Don't you think that's enough tragedy?

1. You don't really hate yourself enough to go through this again, do you?

My Roommates

2010-11-03T21:34:00.004-05:00

Life throws you some unexpected turns sometimes. I know that when I got married 4 years ago, I never imagined there would be a day I would move back in with my parents. But lo and behold, here we are in week 7 of our stay. I can't tell you how wonderful it has been to have their help and support, so I will let these photos do the talking for me.

Life in Transition

2010-10-26T13:27:00.003-05:00

I'm sore, exhausted, missing my own bed, and half way through our moving bonanza! Months ago, Kevin accepted a job with the city of Lubbock, and I don't think we knew how insanely stressful and crazy it would be to make this change.

Georgetown Home: After completing a 6 page to-do list to get our house ready to be on the market, we had high hopes for selling the house fast. Day after day, I had to keep the house in pristine condition in case of a showing. Our fears turned into pure stress when after over a month on the market and dropping the price to rock bottom, we still had no showings and it was time to move to Lubbock. Soon after moving, we had one showing. They made us an offer, and we are under contract! If everything goes smoothly, we'll close sometime after Nov. 5. God is good, because we only needed one person to want the house, and that's exactly all we got.

Parent's Home: Thank goodness for the generosity of my parents. In a tornado of craziness, Kevin, I, Clare, our cat, and our two dogs swept into my parents quiet home. The backyard has new holes everywhere and the sweet aroma of poop, kids toys litter every inch of the living room, and their company better find a new place to stay because we take up all the extra rooms. We have been lucky enough to get around the clock babysitting, if needed, and I only cook every other night! We have been here over 5 weeks, and it has been a great experiance so far.

New Lubbock Home: Once again, God is good. Kevin and I found a 4 bedroom house in our price range that really should be out of our league. It stood out so high above the rest, that my Mom knew it was the one before even stepping foot in it. Let me list some of the perks: high vaulted ceilings in every room, real plantation shutters, covered patio in front and back, skylight in guest bathroom, living room fireplace, tile instead of linoleum, nice carpet, separate tub/shower in master, tub has jacuzzi jets, huge master closet with built in shelves, partially floored attic, sprinkler systems, new roof, and updated appliances including a new "whisper quiet" dishwasher. It was almost too good to be true! Our expectations weren't very high when we started. You should have seen the odd look on the relator's face when I would check if the house had a door bell and a mail box in the front! (Our old house didn't have these features, b.t.w.) We are under contract and are set to close around Nov. 19th. We'll have to do some painting, so we might not get to move in till after Thanksgiving. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again!

Highlights... (not the blonde kind)

2010-09-17T14:28:00.003-05:00

So much is happening in the Morris' household right now, but not enough to dedicate a post to each point. So here's a simple (a.k.a. lazy) list of what's happening here:

1. Kevin's starts his new job with the city of Lubbock next Monday. We get a week off to try and settle down.

2. Our house has been on the market for over a month without a single showing. So dissappointing....

3. We move in with my parents this weekend. Toddler, cat, two oversized dogs, and Kevin and I. It should be interesting

4. Clare has learned "NO, NO, NO" and "Mine"... Welcome to the terrible two's!

5. William's would-be due date was this Tuesday. It was a rough week of thinking what might have been.

6. I've gotten Clare a duck costume for Halloween. Early for getting costumes, but thinking of her in a yellow padded suit made my day.

Quite a roller caoster of a life.

Moving Mayhem

2010-08-10T13:18:00.002-05:00

Clare's down for a nap, and there's nothing I would rather do right now than hide under my covers for some much needed silence. Unfortunately, there's a handyman in my living room, and people generally frown on letting strangers have full range of your house. The reason for the handyman is that the Morris' clan is selling our house and moving to Lubbock!

While we love Georgetown, we have always said that we wanted to be closer to family. With Albuquerque being a $1000 plane ride and Lubbock a 6 hour car ride, it's getting harder and harder to stay close to everyone as our family grows. A job opportunity opened up for Kevin with the City of Lubbock, and he got the job. It's a pretty big pay cut, but we're willing to pinch the pennies to make this work. This job will definitely be more stable and 8-5ish than working on the consulting side of the business like he has been.

Our house goes on the market this week, and we need all the prayers we can get. After completing a 6 PAGE TO DO LIST from our realtor, we will still need quite a bit of luck selling the house. The market is just flooded with houses for sale and no one buying.

We've dusted, cleaned, painted, mowed, boxed, washed, patched, and planted our house into tip top shape. I'm really impressed we were able to finish it all in just over a week. The stress has been (and will continue to be) over the top.

We don't know when we will officially be leaving, but Kevin's new job starts at the end of September. We don't know if we will be able to properly say goodbye to all the friends we've made here in the Austin area over the past 4 years, but we hope you know how much we love you and will miss you. Thank you for being our family away from family.

Mr. Nielsen, You are Welcome!

2010-07-29T14:04:00.007-05:00

USA, you can thank me for imputing my pristine t.v. viewing preferences to the Nielsen ratings guide. I didn't think anything would happen when we filled out the questionnaire that came in the mail. Kevin and I were just over the moon that they gave us $2 to fill it out. (We're simple people) But lo and behold, a few weeks later we were mailed a t.v. diary with $30 for our trouble. Needless to say with such a large amount of dough, we still haven't decided what splurge to use it on. I'm dreaming of a pedicure...

Writing out a T.V. diary would seem like a simple test, but it was a lot more involved than I thought. I would rather right down every calorie I've eaten than note what show was on, what channel, what call letters, for how long, and who was watching. I'll be completely honest here (hopefully Mr. Nielsen isn't reading) but I wrote we watched nothing on Sunday because I couldn't remember what boring program we vegged out to. Luckily my lazy nature got a free ride, and we were out of town for 3 of the days in the survey! I just had to scribble "not viewing" over all those days.

I will apologize to America that our boring, sometimes embarrassing, T.V. habits might mold your future show schedules. Ellen and All My Children will see a ratings boost, since I literally watch them every day. I even had to admit that I spent a whole hour watching a documentary on synchronized swimming on PBS. The real shame is that we got this diary in the summer, when all the crappy reruns stop us from watching our real loves. Because of the timing, Bachelorette and Wipeout had to be recorded instead of Modern Family, LOST, and 30 Rock. Not that I don't enjoy Bachelorette (please pick the hot Latino, Ricardo, Alli) and Wipeout (the sweeper arms make me tense), I just feel other shows could have been highlighted.

Let's hope there is some sort of mailing error, and they ask me to do it again in a month. Think of what I could do with another $30!

He works hard for the money...

2010-07-27T13:28:00.005-05:00

Upon buying our first home 3 years ago, Kevin and I quickly learned an import thing about ourselves. We don't know how to fix anything. But we also quickly learned that my Dad knows how to fix anything! I swear he is a genius wrapped in button-up shirts and black slacks.

Every time my parents come to visit, I make up a huge list of fix-up and upgrade projects. Some might see this as a task master torturing her poor retired Father, but really he enjoys it. I swear! I once made the tragic mistake of not making out a list, and the poor man paced around my house looking for things to do.

He is a work horse. He has spent more time in my attic than the original contractors that built my house. Every visit must include 2 trips to Home Depot, or something is seriously off. I think he even knows our tool shelf better than Kevin. Here's a short list of the work he's done:

Installed 2 fans
Installed an Air Vent in Bathroom
Installed 3 Dimmer Switches
Painted Clare's Room
Installed a Bathroom Fixture
Changed Lawn Mower Oil
Installed Electric Fence
Baby Proof all the Cabinets
Fix Fence
Add Knobs to Kitchen & Bathroom Doors

We would be lost without him, and are so lucky we haven't officially broken his back yet. I'm hoping to get a tiled back splash installed before he hits 70 in 2 years!

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-07-08T13:58:00.003-05:00

This Tuesday was my 26th Birthday! This is kind of an akward age for birthdays. You rarely have a huge group of close college friends around, you normally live far from family, and birthday parties as an adult are just not like when you were a kid. All that being said, Kevin and I try to make the other person birthday still memorable.

My day started with Kevin being late to work and getting the first morning diaper. That doesn't sound like much, but every millisecond I get to spend still in bed is heaven to me. I was greeted by a smiling pancake and a "26" sausage.

I also had these beautiful gladiloas to look at. We found out earlier in the week that my great grandmother used to grow them, and now my grandma Looten does too.

The day went well with Clare and I lounging at the splash pool and shopping in the afternoon. When Kevin got home, I was told to go outside to see my birthday present. I got a beautiful blue bird bath! I've always wanted a bird bath. Now, I'm all set up with bird feeders and a bath to attract some beauties to the yard.

The night ended with a delicious dinner at the Monument Cafe with one of my Mom's Club friends, Sheila. Like most adult parties, there was only two of us because everyone else couldn't get away to join us. I had the same problem as a kid, because everyone would still be on vacation from the 4th usually.

All the facebook messages were great to see, and it just reminds me how many wonderful people are in my life. I am a lucky and blessed 26 year old woman!

Ode to Rosa's

2010-06-30T13:31:00.006-05:00

Oh, my delicious Rosa's

My love for you is unending.

But, alas, you are no where to be found in Austin.

Please, my love, open a franchise here!

I must admit your garish Pink and Teal colors

make me think of a bad 80's "Miami Vice" show.

But when I see that glowing neon sign down the road,

I know I am but a few minutes from delight.

Your tortillas melt like butter on my tongue.

I can devour you enchiladas like a raging lion.

Your nacho go immediately from my mouth to my thigh fat.

And you queso is like liquid gold.

Your thick styrafoam cups maybe killing the planet,

But they keep my drink nice and cold.

In this foreign land, all the people know is Taco Cabana.

Their consistently stale chips are no match to your superiority.

We are trapped with this mediocrity

And long for people to talk of "Taco Tuesdays".

Oh my dear Rosa's

even though it has been many a year without you

my love for you lives on.

Till we meet again along the road,

I wish you all the love my taste buds can give.

Clare the Toddler

2010-06-04T22:21:00.006-05:00

A few days ago was Clare's 18 month birthday, and a few weeks ago she finally started walking. I think I can finally consider her a real toddler. Here is the Clare as we know her now.

1. dictator - My girl is bossy. It's her way or the highway, and she's not afraid to be vocal. Even though all she does is babble, she will still point her finger, scowl her brow, and baby babble yell at any kids she sees not acting as she would have them do. I've seen it on many an occasion. My mom says that if she ever does join the convent, she will settle for nothing less than being the mother superior.

2. Party tricks - She is an excellent performer. We have trained her to do 'guns up', imitate animals, cross her puddgy little fingers, blow kisses, and much much more. Almost every night Kevin throws her in the air, flips her in her arms, and even does this cheerleader one handed, above head hold with her.

3. Snuggle buddy - I am not a morning person and luckily Clare doesn't show signs of it either. Every morning, I get her out of bed, change her diaper, give her a cup of milk and bowl of dry cereal, and then I proceed to lie curled up on the floor for at least an hour. After exploring her toys, Clare inevitably crawls next to my lifeless body, snuggles up close, and sucks her thumb. The stillness only last in short bursts, but I cherish every moment of our snuggle sessions.

4. Good listener - I've had to watch what I expose her to, because she's more aware of what I thought was just background noise to her. The other day while driving around, Lady Gaga's new song, Alejandro, was on. In one of the lines of the song she says the words "dad", and from my back seat I hear Clare squeal "Da-Da". I promptly switched the station to a Christan radio. Heaven for bid, my baby learn about "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" from Ms. Gaga.

5. Poo-Poo Talk - While she knows mama, dada, and many animal noises, nothing gets her more animated than poo-poo. She farts, and she excitedly yells 'poo-poo'. You mention that you need to go poo-poo, and she'll grab her diaper and say it too. You tell her you need to check her diaper, and she will claim it's poo-poo even when it is not. Poo-Poo is exciting stuff in our house.

6. Elmo Who? - I have yet to really introduce her to the wonderful world of kid's t.v. She just thinks Elmo is some red creature on her diapers. But that doesn't mean she doesn't still watch some t.v. As for my two guilty pleasures, she is a big All My Children and Oprah fan, though the commercials are the most interesting parts to her. Other than that, we try to keep the t.v. off.

7. Flirt - Ever since she was a baby, Clare has had some major male crushes. When she sets her eyes on a guy she likes, you can immediately tell. She slips on this shy smile, tilts her head to the side, lowers her head, and makes her eyes all googly and cute. She generally likes either guys that look like GQ models or tall african american men. And age doesn't seem to bother her either. Her two most disturbing crushes are her uncles; Matt and David.

8. Terror on 4 wheels - She maybe be an extremely shaky walker, but get that girl on her mini car and see her fly. I've seen her pull a U-turn, in reverse, one hand holding her sippy cup, and all in just a few feet's space. I think she'll turn into a better driver than me, although that's not saying much.

9. Mae Hater - Though her love for our cat was what first inspired Clare to crawl, all of that has now twisted into some sort of jealous hate. I've seen her purposefully step on Mae while she was sleeping, yank her tail till gobs of hair comes out, and I'm pretty sure today she dropped her sippy cup out of her high chair when she knew Mae was underneath. Good thing this cat has 9 lives. She's going to need every one.

10. Good kisser - Clare's favorite new trick is to kiss me. Sometimes they are sweet little pecks, sometimes they are open mouth, tongue sticking out, licks, but all of them are always adorable.

Pottery Class

2010-05-18T13:28:00.003-05:00

Starting in middle school and all the way through high school, I took pottery classes in a little studio in Lubbock. I loved it, but college proved enough of a distraction for me to quit. Now Kevin gave me my second chance. Feeling a little lost between being a wife and mom, he suggested I start up a class again to get some "me time". It was the perfect solution. Here are a few of my pieces that I'm most proud of.

This is a cute little set. The mugs are large enough to be soup/chili bowls.

These are my new serving bowls! Please note the cool melted

blue glass at the bottom of one of the bowls.

This is Clare's Berry Bowl. (It has drainage holes like a colander).

We go through a batch of strawberries a week in this house.

Our new desk set (pen holder and coaster).
Once again, amazing melted glass on the coaster.

Thanks, Kevin, for making me sign up for the class. I loved it!

Saying Goodbye To William

2010-05-02T21:02:00.001-05:00

There are two things I knew about this pregnancy all along; 1) my baby was a boy and 2) he would come early. Of course, I had no idea that my second prediction would be fatally right. It all happened too fast and too soon. One minute you’re worrying about how you are going to stuff 2 kids and 2 adults into a small room over Thanksgiving this year, and the next you realize that all of that means nothing anymore.

At almost 20 weeks, I was a normal, no risk pregnancy. We had just had a rough day of having to say goodbye to Kevin's parents and grandparents who were visiting. I hadn't felt right all weekend, but chalked it up to the massive amount of fat I was digesting through good food and fun. Almost in a premonition, I made Kevin stay in the bathroom that night while I took a hot bath. I didn't want to be alone. That's when our whole ignorant "of course everything is fine" thoughts were ripped away as my water broke getting out of the tub. As panic seeped into our veins and the realization of what was happening hit us, we rushed to the ER leaving Clare behind with some neighbors.

I think when most people think of losing a baby, they think it's a fast process that is all of a sudden over, but the reality can be much worse. Nothing ever happens fast in a hospital. Hours will creep by and a day later you could be released. We didn't know what to think when we got there, but my heart sunk to a new low when they decided to take the heart monitor off the quick heartbeat of my baby echoing through the speakers. They gave me a sleeping pill and told me to try and get some sleep, but that seemed like the last thing I would be able to do. A blessing came in the form of our priest Fr. Will coming to my side. I always thought our first conversation would be over our Texas Tech/A&M rivalry, but we decided we could save that for another time. We talked for a long time, and I was finally able to get my mind to stop swirling with thoughts. After my blessing, I felt calm enough to finally fall asleep.

The next day, our options were laid before us. My body had not started contractions, the baby was still alive, and I hadn't contracted an infection yet. We could induce now, or hold onto a 10% that my body would heal up and regain some of the lost fluid. Even if that happened we still had bleak chances of making it to full term. We decided to hold onto hope, be cautiously optimistic and head back home to our beautiful Clare. The waiting game was mentally draining. Kevin and I would swing from optimism to pessimism in a span of hours. Every baby kick I felt was bittersweet. On one hand, it meant the baby was still alive, but on the other you couldn't help but wonder if that was the last one I'd feel.

At almost 48 hours past my water breaking, we were about to congratulate our selves on making it 2 days when fever and pain hit my body like a ton of bricks. We went back to the hospital, and I was put on antibiotics for an infection. My doctor was still optimistic that after my IV treatment, the infection would clear and we could go home again. But soon after she left, my contractions started and we knew our baby’s fate had been sealed.

I have never gone through true labor pains before, having epidurals as my best friend, but for whatever reason, I was only given a shot to take the edge off the pain. The exhaustion, fever, pain from my IV treatment, and contractions seemed to blend perfectly into the emotional pain of trying to figure out how to say hello and goodbye to your child at the same time. When it came time to push, my wonderful charge nurse talked me out of getting an epidural and just opted for some IV drugs. It all happened so fast, that it wasn't even needed at that point.

I couldn't help but to flash back to when I started to push when I had Clare. The cheers and excitement from the nurses, family, and doctor were absent in my now dim and quiet hospital room. I couldn't even remember the proper breathing techniques to use and relied on Kevin's voice to get me through the waves. We were quickly told it was a boy, but in our hearts we already knew that.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if I would be able to look at my son. I didn't know how 'human like' a 20 week old baby would be. I was completely blown away with how beautiful he was. Not scary at all, but 100% precious. He was another mini-Kevin from the button nose to the long torso to the thick neck. Kevin must have the most dominant genes in the world. The one trait of mine that we could tell that snuck in was my crooked pinkies. They were the most beautiful site I've ever seen. We were given plenty of time to talk to him, hold him, take pictures with him, and just lay down with him, whispering his name and singing him lullabies. We got to watch his little heart pump under his skin for a few minutes before it lay still.

We decided to name him William Joshua Morris. The first name William comes from Fr. Will and God's Will. Without Fr. Will coming to comfort me that first night and answer all our questions, I don't know how I would have ever been able to sleep. And William is also part of God's Will. There is a beautiful verse that kept coming to me through all of this. "For your thoughts are not my thoughts, nor your ways my ways, say the Lord." While I will never know the reasons why we couldn't keep William, I have faith that there is greater good to come for William, Kevin, and me. The middle name Joshua came from my mother. After many years of pain from having an abortion, she was finally able to find some peace and name her lost son Joshua. While her Joshua and my William never made into this world, both of their lives matter and has made a huge difference to us.

The funeral was on a cool, cloudy morning. It was only appropriate that the strong warm rays of the sun were blocked out by thick grey clouds. Kevin and I got there early to pick a bouquet of wild flowers to lie on his grave. As cars kept pulling in, we were surprised to see how many people came to be with us. We often think of how alone we are out in Georgetown, so far from our families, but we now realize that we have always been surrounded by friends that support us whenever we need them. The service was simple and beautiful.

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, and prayers for our family in this difficult time. We have moments when we feel at peace and moments when it’s hard to see the point of getting out of bed. I just keep praying to God that he love, snuggle, and play with my baby William, because that is thing I wish more than anything that I could get to do.

You are our child, you are our William.
You are God’s child, you are His William.
You are God’s Will.

Dave Ramsey - Love Em' Hate Em'

2010-04-13T14:03:00.002-05:00

Over 2 years ago, Kevin and I were living a completely different life. We were what we fondly call 'Dinks'. That's 'dual income, no kids' for those who have never heard the term. We lived on a loose budget, but knew that it was time to get serious about our finances. The more you look into your finances, the more you realize how badly we all spend our money. We discussed, researched, and came to the conclusion that Dave Ramsey would be our main man. If you don't know who he is (then you must live under a rock) then you should look up his website at http://www.daveramsey.com. Dave's ideas are not always the popular ones and to live on his plan is a hard way. His motto is "if you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else". The basics are no credit cards, live only on basics and within your means, and no debt.

(1) Start a $1000 savings fund and get on a budget. We'll neither of us had credit cards to give up, and we already had a good savings fund started. We've always lived on a budget, so the first step was no step at all.

(2) Pay off ALL debt. For us, we were once again very blessed on this step. No credit cards, equaled no credit card debit. First we finished off Kevin's student loans, then his Ford Explorer, last and most painful was my Impala. Life took a swing of events, and we found out we were pregnant with Clare. We realized our 'dink' lifestyle was coming to an end quickly. Every month we trimmed the budget more. $200 here a $100 there. No more cable t.v., no more expensive home improvements, no more home phone line, less new clothes, and way less eating out. We were determined to get on a one income budget and pay off our last debt before Clare was born. Just two short months before she rocked our world, I signed the check on our last car payment. Like all the excited callers on Dave's radio show, we were able to yell out, "WE'RE DEBT FREE"!!!

(3) Save up an Emergency fund of 3 to 6 months savings. Now I have never met anyone who started on Dave's plan who have actually gotten past this step, so I knew it would be a hard one. Here was our fledgling family, who once lived high on the hog with two incomes, now down to only one. Kevin had been laid off for a few months when I was pregnant with Clare, so we know how important this emergency fund is, especially now that he is the only bread winner. We agreed to err on the side of caution and not stop saving till we hit our 6 month mark. Months seem to crawl by when your at the beginning of a new step. $200 here and there make it hard to hit a 5 digit number. I'm proud to announce, that with the help of our tax refund, we have finally hit our savings goal last month! I never thought I would ever see a number that big in our banking account. At this point, it is hard not to get swept up with "Joneses" and see that money as a new vacuum, weed eater, or even a van. All those things are things we want, but do not qualify in Dave's plan as a emergency. That little nest egg is there to stay and not be touched. We pray to God that Kevin doesn't get laid off so unexpectedly ever again, but we can sleep well at night knowing we will survive 6 months of job searching if it comes to it.

(4) Invest 15% of your Gross Income into a Roth IRA. I don't know why I was naive enough to think that at this point in Dave's plan, things would get easier and not harder. Just last night, Kevin and I researched what it will take to start our own Roth IRA. With an already too tight budget, we have to shave more money out of it to put into our retirement. I tried to think that Dave's plan was too ambitious, so I researched on our Bank of America Retirement planner to see their numbers. Much to my sadness, they were the same. I hate getting a reality check when it comes to money. I much prefer to live in the la-la-land that Kevin's 6% 401(k) will see us to our golden years. The reality is that today out of 100 people age 65, 97 of them can't write a check for $600, 54 of them are still working, and only 3 are financially secure.

The next steps are:
(5) College funding for Children
(6) Pay off home early
(7) Build wealth and give like never before

I make no promises to myself that I'll ever finish step 6, but I do know my reality for now. No cable t.v., no expensive groceries, no more fancy cruises (that was not part of Dave's plan b.t.w.), and no big van till we save up and are able to pay for it all in cash! In the mean time, we try to focus on what we have instead of what we want. I have a wonderful small house, great husband, lovely child, fridge full of food, bank account full of money, car full of gas, and no worries about our future. We can't live high on the hog right now, but that doesn't mean we don't live high on life.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

2010-04-07T13:43:00.012-05:00

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with beating someone up, but all about Kevin and my cruise! Kevin and I were blessed enough to scrape enough cash together to go on a vacation. Add on that I was in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy (the only good time to travel) and my retired parents offered to come up to babysit Clare for a week, It was the perfect timing. I don't do any kind of fun vacations if there is not sun, tropical feelings, and more sun, so Kevin booked us on the Carnival Ecstasy out of the Galveston Port.

Our tropical paradise awaited us as we drove 4 hours in solid rain to get to the port. We then waited in line for about 2 hours to actually get on the ship. I couldn't help but laugh at all the signs warning you not to take pictures or video of the 3,000 people stuffed in a dock trying to get on a ship to start their vacation. I guess they don't like people to see the ugly side of cruising, but soon we were on our boat and out to sea.

I really loved our cabin. It was not too small, and had the perk of a king size bed. We have a queen at home, and it was amazing to flop around like a fish on land all night without slapping Kevin in the face. The ship it self was impressive, but let's be honest here. To cram thousands of people on one boat, means that you are going to be around groups of strangers all the time. Old people, kids, teens, models, over weight people, and (my personal favorite) frat boys using sleazy lines to try and have random hook-ups with the pretty girls. The pool was always over-run with kids and the deck chairs by brown-to-a-crisp women.

After a day at sea, we made our first stop in Progresso, Mexico. Being pregnant and a hater of all things requiring physical activity, We choose the "Corona Beach Party" for our shore excursion. This entailed a small stretch of beach, open bar, loud music, and more drunk college students than you have ever seen in your life. But hey, it was an open bar, and I would be right there with them if I could. Instead, Kevin and I left the party scene to stroll down the beach.

We shopped and ate some fabulous authentic Mexican food. Kevin enjoyed the free mini margaritas, and I wolfed down the tacos. Honestly, I found what looked like dog hairs in the beans, but I'm disgusting enough to just pick them out and continue eating. It was wonderful!

The next day (and the first really warm day of the cruise), we stopped at beautiful Cozumel, Mexico. Kevin and I loved it so much, that we wish we could have stayed longer. For this stop, we signed up for a full package with only one other family joining us. I guess not having an open bar kept the college crowd from signing up. We were assigned an amazing tour guide named David. We first stopped at a museum called Discover Mexico. It had videos, art displays, and miniature replicas of Mexico's history. I think we weirded out our guide by knowing most of the answers to his questions. We tried to explain that being Catholic and from New Mexico and Texas gave us a lot of exposure to the Hispanic culture.

Then we headed to Chankanaab Park. It was like Sea World for cool people. You could relax on the white sandy beach, swim with dolphins, manatee, or sting rays, take a picture hugging a seal or snorkel off the shore. We chose the snorkeling, and our guide David took us out to see the good spots. Being a little prone to anxiety attacks, I had some trouble calming my breathing as we bobbed in the waves, but enjoyed it all. The fish would literally swim through your finger tips and around your legs. And I didn't get nauseous like when we snorkeled in Hawaii. They had some buried religious statues that you were supposed to 'get a wish' granted if you touched them. The first was a tiny Virgin Mary that was swarmed by people, so we didn't try to get close to it. The next was a Jesus statue. As we swam near it, I was completely freaked out. This wasn't some tiny statue. It was larger than life and scary.

You can not tell me that this doesn't look like a starved, beaten up Jesus tied to a cement block and dumped in the ocean to die. I couldn't even get close to it, because it freaked me out so bad. Kevin, on the other hand, decided to dive down and touch it. While he did make it, he lost the breathing part of his snorkel mask in the process. Luckily we were almost done, so we floated back to the shore, ate, and then headed back to the ship.

All in all we loved Mexico, but got tired of spending 3 days on the ship and only 14 hours on land. I guess I'm just not a cruise person. What I was a fan of was 5 whole nights of sleeping and waking up without once hearing the sound of a baby crying. It's what I imagine heaven will be like! When we got back to our car, after spending 3 hours getting off the boat and customs, we were excited that we had a vacation with just the two of us, but at the same time couldn't wait to get back to our ClareBear. I will always cherish the good memories Kevin and I had together on this trip, because who knows when our next child-free adventure will come. For know I'm left with this calming mental picture.

Finding Love in Lent - Part 1

2010-04-01T18:32:00.000-05:00

As Holy Week is upon us, I can’t help but think about how I spent Lent this year. Half-hearted, slacking, and detached. But honestly, that’s how I probably spend most of my Lenten seasons. They say to get something out of your faith; you must actually make the effort to put something into it. One year I did do that, and it was the most amazing Lenten season of my life. This is the story of Lent 2004. Beware, it’s a long story, but trust me, it is all worth it.

Here is the list of characters (Names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Me- A junior at Texas Tech University, and everything else about me you already know.

Ricardo – Just imagine a Hispanic George Clooney. Handsome, full of charm, suave, great with the ladies, but never has been seen pinned down to one girl. I fell for him the first time I saw him. We had known each other since our first year at Tech.

Jack – Mr. All-American, boy next door. He was popular, funny, on every leadership team, knew everyone’s name, upperclassman, was at every social event, and could get into a conversation with a blind/mute person if given enough time. I had also met him my first year, but Jack knew everyone, so that wasn’t unusual.

What was unusual with Jack was that we actually became friends. Back in the day, we young folks spent all our time instant messaging on AIM. We became love advisors to each other. He was trying to start a relationship with his friend, and I was working on a rocky relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Jack’s relationship ended in a blaze of glory before it even started and mine just got worse and worse. After being dumped twice by the same loser (I can call him that because he’s not on facebook to read this), I was out on the market again. Word apparently spread quickly. Just a few days later, one of Ricardo’s close friends asked me if I’d be interested in dating again if Ricardo asked. I think it took me a good five minutes to wipe the dumb founded look off my face. Are you kidding me? The guy I’ve had a crush on for years is thinking about asking me out! I tried to pull it together and casually say, “Sure, if he wants too.” I excitedly anticipated every run in with Ricardo after that, but nothing seemed to happen.

What did happen threw me for a loop. After Jack and my love advice failed miserably, we still kept talking regularly. He was a great friend, and the perfect person to talk to. Always so easy going and relaxed. Then it happened before I could realize what was going on. I was dropping him off at his apartment after a concert, when the relaxed, easy talking Jack flipped a major nervous switch and said in one hasty breath, “So I was wondering if sometime you might want to go out with me, I mean I don’t know how it would go, or if it would be any fun, but maybe it could be, and, I don’t know, if you’re interested, we should go out on a date.” It caught me so off guard, and I had never seen him act like this. I honestly can say, that while Jack and I were great friends, I never thought of us dating. In my dumbfound state, I said the thing I had just told another guy few days ago, but with completely different feeling. “Sure, if you want too.” Finally, relief poured over Jack’s face like he had just ripped off a band-aid. We said we’d talk later, and he left me in my car to try and pick up my jaw.

*** To continue on with the story, please find part 2 & 3 ***

Finding Love in Lent - Part 2

2010-04-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

*** WARNING: This is part 2 of a 3 part story. If you haven't read part 1, you will be confused ***

Lent began the following week, and on Thursday I went to my adoration hour in the chapel at my church. My mind was buzzing with activity, and I tried to wrap my head around everything. I excitedly started to pray and tell God all the good news. First and foremost, Ricardo, my crush, was interested in me and wanted to ask me on a date. I also had Jack, my good friend, ask me out on a date too. How sweet was that; a free meal and movie from Jack, plus the chance to start a new relationship with Ricardo!

It was then for the first time in my life, I heard God speak to me. It wasn’t like hearing words in my ear, but feeling God speaking to my heart. I know it’s rare, and that most people don’t understand that, but here is what happened in conversation mode.

Me: Can you believe it? Two guys are interested in me.
God: This isn’t what I want.
Me: What? Don’t worry. Jack is just a friend. I don’t think anything will happen past a first date. You can’t turn down a free meal. Then hopefully Ricardo will ask me out soon after, and we can start dating. I’ve never got this much attention from guys before!
God: I know what you need to do for Lent this year.
Me: Sure! Give up cokes, pray extra at night, maybe skip a t.v. show. What is it God?
God: Give up dating for Lent.
Me: Pardon? I think I heard that wrong. I thought you said to give up dating for Lent.
God: I want you to give up dating for Lent for me this year.
Me: ……um, but I already told Jack I’d go out with him, and what about Ricardo?
God: This is my will for you. Trust me.

The funny thing about God is that he made us with a free will. That means even when we are sitting in an empty chapel feeling God speak directly to our heart, we still get to choose our actions. Someone once asked me how I knew that it was God’s idea and not my own; let me assure you, as a chronically single girl, I would never think to give up dating. I sat in the chapel silence for the rest of the hour trying to figure out what to do.

The next day, I made the most awkward phone call of my life. I called Jack to tell him that our date was called off by God. I’m sure any other person would have written me off for a loony, but Jack seemed to take it well. How can you argue with someone saying it’s God’s will? I told him, we’ll just have to wait till Lent is over. Luckily, our friendship was strong enough that we were still able to be in the same room without it being super awkward. The canceling of our first date before it even happened even became a joke between us and some friends.

As for Ricardo, things finally began to get interesting. We started hanging out more and more. I told him about the no dating during Lent, but we agreed that hanging out wasn’t anything against the rules. Casual video game sessions at my apartment, slowly evolved into late night adoration chapel visits praying side by side. As I would look at his back, while he knelt down before the Eucharist, I couldn’t help at smile at how perfectly things were going. Our ‘hanging out’ became more and more frequent, and my feelings for Ricardo grew stronger. We made plans that weekend to go out to dinner and a movie, and somehow rationalize it in my head as not a date. I was coming to a breaking point.

In utter frustration and angst, I went to the chapel that night by myself. I prayed to God in ALL CAPS. “Listen God. I know you don’t want me to date during Lent, but I can’t change how I feel for Ricardo. IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR RICARDO, THEN YOU NEED TO SQUASH THIS LIKE A BUG, BECAUSE I LIKE HIM, AND THAT’S IT!”

There’s a funny thing about prayers. You should always be careful what you pray for.

*** To continue, please go to part 3. Don't worry, it's the last one ***

Finding Love in Lent - Part 3

2010-04-01T18:23:00.001-05:00

*** WARNING: This is Part 3 of a 3 Part Blog. If you have not read part 1 & 2, you will be confused***

That Saturday is a day that still shines vividly in my mind. It was an unusually hot day, and our college CSA group was having a garage sale. I was having a great time hanging out with my friends, and Jack and I stayed late to help clean up the aftermath. It was 2 in the afternoon when Jack invited me to hang out at his apartment across the street. It was a big joke that, as being as popular as he was, everyone and their uncle had been to Jack’s apartment except me. I would joke with him that he didn’t want me over because he secretly had pictures of me hanging up in his room.

We crossed the old brick road and headed to his apartment. I got to meet his roommates, get a tour of the place, and hung out in his room. We just started talking, and once you got Jack and me talking it was about impossible to get us to stop. Minutes turned to hours, and before I knew it, it was already 5. As if by fate, Jack had to leave the room to go talk to one of his roommates. The second he shut the door, my cell phone began to ring. It was Ricardo! I didn’t want to hurt Jack’s feelings if he caught me talking to another guys about a ‘not really a date’ date plans, so I snuck into his bathroom to take the call. I was so excited to figure out where we were going to eat and what movie to watch. Ricardo’s voice sounded a little sheepish as I answered the phone. The conversation seemed to hit my ear drums in slow motion.

“Hey, Mary. Listen, about tonight. See, I accidentally made a mistake. I can’t hang out with you tonight. I forgot that I asked a girl to go to the drive-in tonight.” Ricardo said. Trying not to seem completely desperate, I mumbled, “A girl?” “Huh, what did you say? I didn’t hear you.” “Oh, um, nothing, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Click. I literally felt the emotions I had for Ricardo drain from my body. Ricardo had just thrown a cold glass of water in my face, and I could finally see what our relationship was. Nothing. Friends, yes, but nothing more, and we never would be. I braced myself for a Saturday night alone watching sappy chick flicks as I left the bathroom.

When I went into the room, Jack was smiling at me, blissfully unaware at what had just happened. I was about to try and excuse myself, not wanting to overstay my welcome when he invited me to eat a home cooked Italian meal made by his roommates girlfriend. Anyone who knows me knows that I will never turn down an opportunity to eat. While the conversations were great, the bacon-chicken-pasta dish was even better. (Loryn, if you happen to read this, please e-mail me the recipe before I drool on the keyboard).

As the night went on, I kept on waiting for a dull in the conversation or an awkward pause to finally take my leave, but it never came. Jack invited me to go buy a new stereo for his car, so we took the wind whipping drive in his topless Jeep to go shopping. Then came dessert. I should have known things were changing when I admitted that I didn’t really like ice cream, and Jack offered to just split his favorite strawberry shortcake that I’m sure he’d prefer to have all to himself. You don’t just admit your weird food dislikes or share your favorite food with just anyone. We headed back to his apartment with the idea of watching a movie. As we sat there on his bed talking more and more, we lost track of time and never even started the movie. Finally at midnight, I noticed the clock. I couldn’t believe time had flown so fast just talking! Jack pointed out that if I stayed 2 more hours, we would have spent a 12 hour day together. I was up for the challenge. The talk continued about faith, family, and our future goals. We seemed to agree on everything. By the last 30 minutes, Jack was struggling to keep his eyes open, and I finally felt that my eyes had been open for the first time. Jack wasn’t just some just nice guy that was good friend. He was a partner, a man of God, and a perfect guy for me. At 2 a.m., Jack walked me to my car and I spent the whole drive home thinking how completely God changed my life in just 24 hours after I had prayed to Him.

Easter came and went with no second date asked by Jack. Just when I thought I had blown it with him, he asked me out in the most spectacular way. It was a 100% different from the first time, but that’s a story for another time.

As most of you can guess, Jack is my husband, Kevin. We got married in 2006 under what I know was God’s blessing. While Ricardo should still remain anonymous, I’m happy to report that he has recently entered the Seminary to pursue the priesthood. I guess there was a reason he could never stick to a girl. God wanted him for Himself.

The moral of the story is to not be afraid of God and his will. Though through our human eyes what he asks of us can seem all wrong and not what we want for ourselves, we must have living faith that he knows what’s best for us in the end. I used to think a lot about what would have happened if I chose to do my own will instead of His. I would have brushed Kevin aside and ruined our friendship, only to start a relationship with a person that was doomed to fail and leave me broken hearted and alone in the end. While God’s path didn’t feel like the easy one, it was the best one for my life. I hope this Easter we can all embrace what God wants for us in our lives.

Weekend Warriors

2010-03-15T10:02:00.005-05:00

After weeks of inactivity and Kevin working like a dog, we were blessed with a three day weekend. Being overachievers, we decided to make the most of it and pack it to gills. On Friday, we strapped up the canoe (a feat deserving of two standing ovations) and headed to Brushy Creek Park. It was beautiful and we basically had the creek to ourselves since it was a Friday afternoon.

Since I'm not supposed to be lifting heavy things (and I have no muscles to speak of) my trusty pack mule had to do most the carrying. I call him the 'canoe bug'. Then Kevin treated us to a lunch a Z Tejas. It's a very nice restaurant to go into after sweating on a lake for an hour, but no one seemed to mind.

Clare did amazing in the boat. Only a few bonks on the head from tipping over. The wind was way too strong for us to be out there for very long, but at least the experience answered the question that we do not want to go on the kayak adventure on our cruise. My arms were killing me the next day and we are there for relaxation!

Then on Saturday, we packed up a lunch, picked up some friends, and headed to the Zoo in Waco. It was perfect timing. We went early in the morning before the spring break crowds, timed the naps so they would all be in the car, and had a great time at the zoo. Don't know how much Clare actually saw, but we really went for Kevin and me! She did love the fish and would 'bark' at the large cats. Luckily for her, she doesn't seem to be allergic to orangutans like her father. (Trust me, I don't buy that line either, but he does seem to get sneezy every time we are in the orangutan exhibit. Very suspicious!)

Saturday night, we were lucky to have an old coworker of mine come over to babysit so that we could go celebrate a friends birthday. The night was great with food, poker, friends, and running into unexpected mutual acquaintances. We wished Chris a happy 30th, but it all seemed to end too soon.

Our plan was to completely pass out on Sunday and do nothing but go to church. Unfortunately the weed infested yard got to Kevin, and he ended up doing a lot of yard work instead. Luckily we were able to dust off the darts in our garage and get in a few games. We're ready for my parents, David and Liz to come into town this week for a match up!

This was truly an active and jam packed weekend for us. I don't think either of us have slept so hard in a long time. Now it's onto packing and cleaning for the cruise in 5 days. I'm going to try and enjoy Clare as much as I can right now, because I know I'm going to miss her dearly when we head out on Saturday.

Not My First Rodeo, but I Could Use an Intermission

2010-02-23T15:52:00.005-06:00

Pregnancy number two is 10 weeks in, and while the symptoms are familiar and nothing new, it doesn't make them any more fun to go through. There are many women in the world who relish in their pregnancy. Some even never feel morning sickness. I am not one of those women. Now I respect and love the life in me, I just hate the growing process.

True Story: For one of my baby showers last time, the hosts played a cute little question/answer game. They asked Kevin a bunch of questions about our pregnancy and I had to guess the answers. They asked "What would Mary say the best part of being pregnant is?" And bless his heart, he said "I don't think Mary would say she likes anything about being pregnant, except that it will be over soon and Clare will be born." Ding Ding Ding. He was correct and I guessed his response on the nose.

I'm making the bold prediction that this little one will be our first little boy. I say this because I don't feel like my hormonal emotions are on a roller coaster like last time. No unexplainable weepies and no arguing with Kevin in Wal-mart over shampoo. When I asked Kevin if he's noticed my lack of huge mood swings, he smiled, shrugged, and plead the 5th. To which I swiftly slapped his arm like any non-hormonal, non-moody woman would do!

I'm looking forward to a few weeks down the road. Not only will the all-day sickness be gone, but I'll also be getting on a boat to go cruising to Mexico with Kevin. I'm sure I'll be super homesick for Clare, but I think this couple's-only-vacation is an opportunity we can't pass up. Watch out naive college students on spring break, this pregnant, mom-of-one is taking her stretchmarks and bikini and hitting the beach!

Silent No More

2010-02-01T13:30:00.000-06:00

This picture immediately brings tears to my eyes for many reasons. I am proud of my mother's courage, impressed at her leadership skills, joyful to see how far she has healed from when I was a kid, and thankful that I am alive because of her. This photo was taken at the Texas Rally for Life in Austin. My mother is standing on the capitol steps showing people what really happens to women after an abortion. She came to show support for Cathy Kerr who was giving a testimony for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. The silent no more campaign is an effort to make the public aware of the devastation that abortion brings to women, men, and their families.

As many of you know, my Mom has worked for years with the Rachael's Vineyard retreats for the Lubbock area. These retreats are for women and their families to finally come to grips with, find peace, and heal from their abortions. As a pro-life person, most of us feel anger and sadness over the lost lives abortion brings, but many times we stop there. We forget to see that along with every abortion is a wounded, broken, and hurt woman who deserves healing, peace, and forgiveness like all of us. God asks us to hate the sin, not the sinner, and that's what my mother strives to do.

I sometimes think about my half-brother, Samuel. Would he look like me? How different my life would be if he lived. Even though he never made it birth, his life matters. His life changed my Mom, which then changed my life, and is still changing the way I am as a Mom. His life, though brief, has sent ripples of change throughout my whole family's life. You must know that one life does matter.

You can not imagine how hard it is to stand in front of friends, family, and strangers telling about you painful past, all for the hopes that it will bring healing to someone who needs it. My Mom needs all the support, love, and encouragement she can get. If you're proud of her like me, you should let her know.

Help Yourself

2010-01-18T13:12:00.003-06:00

I'm a big fan of self-help books, because they have helped me get through some of the rockiest parts of my life. Here are some of the top choices!

Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life.

This is the perfect suggestion for any newly engaged girl. While being engaged is exciting and thrilling, it is also very stressful and crazy to plan a wedding out of thin air.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

I wasn't a big fan of this book, but everyone gets it with their first kid. I'm a bigger fan of the internet. Tons of information right at your finger tips. The best pregnancy website has to be http://www.babycenter.com/. It will help calm your fears, explain your random drooling, and then get you excited about what's to come.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.
I cannot praise the wonders of this book enough. A few weeks after Clare was born when all the help had left and my post pardum depression was peaking at it's worst, I was in desperate need for a miracle. I checked out this book and read it between nursing and naps. It completely changed my attitude from desperation to feeling like I had some control. She is the reason Clare doesn't need a pacifier anymore and needs no assistance to fall asleep on her own.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
This has to be the blandest self help book I've ever read. Lot's of facts and no fun fluff. The information in the book was very helpful though. It let me know what the normal sleeping patterns are for babies of different ages are. It gives you a heads up on when nap times will shift and some tips of helping you baby stay well rested.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers.
This is my latest buy. I haven't read it yet, but I'm excited to see how I show discipline and set boundaries to a daughter who can't even say 'mama' yet.

Parenting Isn't For Cowards.
I've always been a big fan of Dr. Dobson and his tid-bits of advise on Focus On Family. Once again, not a book I've read yet, but I'm excited to see what he says.

If you know of any other good ones to read, please let me know!

Broken Resolutions Already

2010-01-11T14:11:00.000-06:00

While I'm not one to make resolutions, Clare has been bit by the 2010 bug and wanted to make some changes in her life. First and foremost, she has decided it is time to ditch the baby fat for some lean toddler thighs. I know what your thinking. "What? NO!", and that's exactly how I feel. I love those little fat rolls and the creases on her wrists. I tried and I tried to convince her to make a different resolution, but that child has my stubborn genes written all over her.

Just yesterday, I was dutifully watching my baby by being glued to my soap "all my children" when I heard some rustling in the kitchen.

BUSTED! Turns out the temptation of mozzarella string cheese and whole milk are just to strong for my baby. I told her not to worry about it, and we'll start working on some better resolutions for 2011. Like learning how to clean a toilet or pick up dog poop in the backyard like a big girl!

Hello 2010, my soon to be friend

2010-01-03T10:00:00.004-06:00

I've never really done new year's resolutions before. If I did, I automatically forgot about them by February. This year I've decided to come up with a goal list. I'm sure it will get added on over the year, but here's what I'm starting out with

Buy a water/fireproof safe for valuable papers. (technically I can already mark this off, because I bought one with my Christmas money. Not really a fun loving way to spend that money, but it's something I really have been looking at for a long time. I feel much better knowing my marriage certificate won't go up with a puff of smoke.)

Make a Will. (Now that we have Clare, I want to make sure there is no confusion with her getting all she deserves. I'm a little nervous, because I hear will's can be pricey when done with a lawyer.)

Update my passport. (I haven't been a Krile for years, and Kevin and I are hoping to get away for a little special vacation without the baby this year!)

Finish Clare's Baby book. (I never even finished our wedding book, and now I'm too senile to remember all the little details.)

Complete our 6 month emergency fund. (This is part of our Dave Ramsey program that we've been on forever. We are only about $4,000 away from our goal, and I am just dying to get there.)

Start a Pottery Class. (My mom says that you always need something you are passionate about. And while I love being a stay-at-home Mom, I've lost my passion and need some alone time to find myself again. I did pottery for about 5 years when I was young, so in February I'm hoping to pick it up again. I hope I'm not too rusty!)

Adopt a Compassion Child. (This is something that has been on my heart for years, but I've never gotten off my butt to do it. I'm hoping putting it on this list will make it happen this year.)

Update this blog every other week. (Now this is a really far fetching goal. I love this blog, but I only like to write when I've got something really good to write about. I'm hoping to be more inspired this year, so that I can post more often.)

Get pregnant again sometime later in the year. (Now don't get to excited out there family. I'm not pregnant now, and I hope not to be for a while longer now. But Clare will turn 2 this year, and I'm ready to throw our whole life off kilter again.)

Help Kevin with his 2010 goal. (Kevin's come a long way this year, and he's going to go even farther this year. I'm going to be here to support him, encourage him, and remind him how amazing he is.)

Here's to the new year!

End of an Era

2009-12-16T13:11:00.004-06:00

I recently heard that the youth group at my home parish, St. John Neumann, has been ended. To imagine my church without the youth group would be to in vision my life taking a completely different path. The group formed and lead me to be the person I am today.

When I first decided to step out from the shadows and join the youth group my older sister was so active in, I met the person who would be my closest friend all throughout high school and college. Initially it was our matching humor that brought Kevin Martinez and I together, but after that it was love of singing and our faith that cemented our friendship. With Kevin, came the best 'surrogate' sister a girl could ask for, his older sister Crystal. She is as much a part of our family as anyone could be and will always have a place to stay at our house.

I joined the youth group my 9th grade year and kept going till I graduated from high school. After that, it was only natural that I join the core team of leadership. There was even a brief couple of months when I took over as youth group leader. After that college ministry was calling me to move on, but I always left part of my heart with SJN.

In my mind, I can always pull up a highlight reel of the best times. Decorating all night for the Valentine's dinner, singing for the youth mass, trudging around my neighborhood huddling for warmth while we sing Christmas carols, sharing our conversions of heart at Stuebenville retreats, sleep deprived lock-ins, and friendships that will last a lifetime. With all the joy and happiness of those memories, there is still one memory that burns my heart with regret and sorrow. But even that painful memory is a life changing time in my life that has forever marked me and made me who I am today.

Now that it seems to be all over, I feel thanks are in order:

Liz- Thanks for getting involved in the youth group, and letting your little sister tag along with you all those years.

Kevin- Thanks for hours a laughter and joy.

Crystal - Thanks for always showing me love and support.

Analisa - Thanks for showing that even though someone might be quite doesn't mean they don't have faith that can shake the mountains.

Jason- Thanks for always pushing me to be a better core member and keeping me under your wing.

Nicolette - Thanks for letting me into your life. I don't know where you are anymore, but I will always be your sponsor and love you.

Jacob, Brenda, Lisa, Stephen, Mikey, Mike, Julius, Joe, Alexi, Danielle, Jonathan, Bobby, Carlos, Paul, Lindy, Jenny, Javier, Nina, Phillip, Tara, Tasha, Jerome, Vanessa - Thank you for your friendship and your faith. I will cherish all our memories.

Good-bye Saint John Neumann Youth!

Going back a Year

2009-12-01T13:20:00.006-06:00

11 months old

10 months old

8 months old

7 months old

5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

2 months old

1 month old

a few weeks old

a week old

a few days old

a few hours old

Happy Birthday Clare

2009-11-24T13:28:00.005-06:00

Happy Birthday, Clare Noelle Morris!

Dear Clare,

Happy Birthday sweetheart! This is your first birthday, besides the day you were actually birthed. I can't believe how far you've come in just a year. I look back at pictures from a year ago, and can barely recognize you as the little dark haired newborn I cradled in one arm. Congrats on a wonderful first year of life.

I know it started out a little rough for both of us. Luckily my memory had blurred over most of the rocky times, but I know it wasn't very easy in the beginning. At least we shared those times together. I got my first I.V. at the age of 25 right before giving birth to you, and you got yours just 8 weeks later as a precautionary measure. But those weeks flew by, and our lives got better and better in each passing week.

I will never forget the first time you smiled at me or rolled over for the first time. You surprise me every week with the new things you learn. After months of playing with the ring stack toy by just ripping off the rings, you threw me for a loop a week ago when you actually put them back on. I beamed with pride like you just won the Nobel peace prize. I am your biggest cheerleader and hope to always be there to support you in all the other great things you will do. Each day, your personality shows more and more. So many people have told me that they've never seen such an expressive baby. It all started with the surprise face, then turned into the questioning stink eye, and now is the fake courtesy laugh. Your emotions can turn on a dime, and I swear we have even seen you laugh while you cry. You are so shy and reserved to people you don't know, but to see you squealing and laughing at home makes it all okay.

I have always told people that you are attached to my hip, but I'm afraid it is a two way street now. We spend almost every one of your waking moments together, from early morning feedings, to afternoon shopping trips, to nighttime baths. You are my constant companion. I can't even remember the days when I used to have privacy in the restroom.

Happy Birthday, my little ClareBear. Your Dad and I couldn't be more happy to have you in our lives, and we love you more than you'll ever know. I'll end this post with the song we customized for you. (sung to the hymn of the Micky Mouse Club Theme Song)

C - L - A

A, cause your adorable!

R - E - N

and pretty nice too!

O - E - L - L -E....

Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle

You never ever met a girl so swell - oh so swell

Clare Noelle - Clare Noelle

Of only good things does she smell - oh so sweet

Things I thought would never end....

2009-11-05T18:07:00.005-06:00

The Hour Long Perm - Yes, I naturally have wavy hair, and yes, I still got perms as a kid. That chemical smell still brings me back. Sitting in the chair while every lock of hair was pulled, twirled, and coated with acids. They would always say that it's normal for your scalp to tingle, but it's more like a strong burning sensation.

Feelings for my teenage crush - Oh, the hours I wasted imagining holding his hand and where we would share our first kiss. Doodling our name over notebooks and trying to decode every conversation to see if he was secretly divulging his true feelings to me. Bl eh! That all ended when Kevin walked into my life. The crush went from Mr. Perfect to Mr. Wrong as I saw what I really needed in a husband in Kevin.

Pregnancy - While logically speaking, everyone knows that you physically can't be pregnant for forever. But every woman hits a point in their pregnancy when they look at their swollen, tired, stretched, exhausted body and wonder if there will ever be an end in sight. I never thought my body would recovery from the knock-out fight pregnancy put it through.

Sleeping for only 3 hours at a time - There is something that breaks your will and bends your sanity when you are kept from sleeping through the night for weeks on end. As any of my former roommates will tell you, there is nothing I value more in life than sleep. It tops the list of my priorities always. I will never forget the shock, excitement, and relief I felt when I woke up one morning to realize Clare has slept through the night for the first time! I literally woke up Kevin to ask him if he thought something was wrong with her.

Clare's fat rolls - Now that is one thing that I really wish would last forever. There is nothing more irresistible than those chunky little arms and thighs crawling around. Oh, dear!

Halloween: Now and Then

2009-11-01T13:11:00.004-06:00

October 2008: 24 years old and enormously pregnant

(Please excuse the rubber gloves, I'm allergic to pumpkin goo. Weird, I know)

October 2009: 25 year old Mom to a nearly One Year Old

(I know I'm not in this photo. Like every other Mom, I'm the one taking the photos)

It is amazing how much your life can change in just a year. While last year, I knew everything in my life would be turned upside down once Clare arrived. I still had no idea how drastically different my life would end up. Looking through these pictures is like stepping back in time. Last year, I was swelling to an uncomfortable bursting point. I had trouble even just walking around to pick my pumpkin, and Kevin had to carry both of our pumpkins to the car. Thank goodness pregnancy is a temporary condition!

This year, I have a joyful and mobile little girl. Our days are filled with songs, toys, and pureed food. She is really getting to an age where it is fun to spend time with her. She laughs at my funny dances and loves to chase the dogs around the yard. For Halloween she was an adorable minnie mouse (thanks to some help from a Mom's Club Mom). No candy allowed yet, but Kevin and I were helpful enough to take care of any candy people would give her.

Next year with a nearly two year old, I can't wait to see what those pictures will look like. (Not to see what Clare looks like, but to make sure I look hot and and well kept.)

Welcome to the Pity Party

2009-10-03T09:53:00.004-05:00

Life is pretty tough in the Morris household right now. I thought about going through a diatribe listing all the problems going on, but by the 2nd paragraph you'd be thinking, "Does Mary want us to throw a pity party?" And I would be like, "I'd love to have a pity party." And then you'd look at your schedule, and I'd look at mine. Then there would be no free weekends, and we'd call the whole thing off. So to wrap it up, we had a rough last week, we are currently having a rough week, and it's basically guaranteed that the next few weeks will be rough also.

But there are a few bright spots in all the storm clouds. Ladies and Gentleman, a drum roll please....... Clare can crawl for a few feet and stand for a few milliseconds! I've become her official jungle gym with the droll skids to prove it. I love it when she gets on her knees, and I get to yell at her "Who's the good little catholic girl?" I'm ready to pose her with a rosary in her hand and start to build her Nun portfolio! I'm getting this kid to heaven if it kills me.

I have a wonderful daughter, a husband who loves me, and after a few more weeks this nightmare will be over. I'll be singing "Alleluia" in the streets while possibly dancing in my underwear! I can't wait to get there.

Basically, I wrote this post to help me de-stress a little. And for whoever actually read the whole sad, narcissistic post, thank you for letting me vent for awhile.

Letter of Rejection

2009-09-17T14:20:00.003-05:00

To the Stray Cat in my Garage,

Thank you for your interest in the household pet position at the Morris household. While I am impressed with your beautiful coat and oddly bushy tail, we have concluded that another pet in this house would be too much. We sincerely regret to tell you that your application has been denied.

You showed up in our neighborhood only a few days ago. You immediately caught my eye as I saw you crouched under my neighbors car. To quote Britney Spears, I could tell you "we're not a girl, not yet a woman." With the many outdoor cats on our street, I sincerely hope you belong to someone who loves you.

I must say that I did not appreciate you barging into my house this morning. As I tried to distract our own cat, quiet the crying baby, and shoo you out of the house, I realized you were too much for me to handle right now. It brought a horrible memory of the mental break down I had when Clare was first born. I was holding a screaming baby, while the cat was yowling at me from the couch for attention, and my two dogs stared at me from the window like "Why do you not love us anymore?". I'm sorry, but I only have so much love/sanity to give. And I think another pet might just break me.

I apologize for the mixed signals I was giving you by putting out the bowl of water. It was wrong of me to lead you on like that. It was like that time in college, where a guy flirted with me for weeks. Then when I got up the nerve to ask him to a movie, he just so happened to be busy that day, and the next, and possibly for every weekend that month. I know it's no fun to be toyed with.

You are more that welcome to stay around though. You can sleep on my garage shelf, as long as the door is open. And I'll leave the water bowl out till I know you've moved on. Please understand that even though it will not work out between us, I still do care. I've posted your pictures on craigslist and austinlostpets.com. Maybe your owner will come to claim you soon. You have our best wishes for success in finding the right household for you.

Sincerely,

Mary Morris

CEO of The Morris House

What I've learned after 3 years?

2009-09-02T12:56:00.002-05:00

Today, Kevin and I celebrate three years of marriage. I can't help but think back over the time that has passed and how much each of us has learned. Here are the top ten things I've learned so far:

10. When you want a dog and your spouse wants a cat, sometimes the best compromise is to not compromise at all. Get both!

9. Push your spouse to try new things like Parmesan cheese on your pasta or green chilies in your enchiladas.

8. When your spouse has an embarrassing story about having to poop outdoors, don't prod her to tell it in front of your family.

7. Never joke about the "d" word (divorce). It's just not funny.

6. After a few months of being married, you will look back at all the other guys you were attracted to and start to see how all of them were horribly wrong for you.

5. Having children is the hardest thing you will ever do, but paradoxically it will also be the best thing you ever do. They change your life completely, and most of the time it's when you need a change in your life.

4. Be smart with your money and forget the Joneses. They are too hard to keep up with anyway. You don't need the biggest house or the nicest cars, but you do need to manage your debt and save for your future.

3. When you start feeling like you need more from your spouse, look at what you are giving instead. If you work more on giving, then you will receive more than you thought was possible.

2. Never make your husband your God. He is just a human that will make mistakes. But God has a perfect love for you, and his longing for you will never fade. While you love your husband with all that you have, make sure you give a little more to God.

1. When your sitting on a dusty orphanage floor in Mexico with your boyfriend of only two weeks and you feel God speak to your heart that this man is your perfect match and future husband, rest assured that he is absolutely right. You have a beautiful life in your future.

Love you, Kevin! I can't wait to spend many more years by your side.

Who is Your God?

2009-08-24T16:09:00.004-05:00

This Sunday's first reading had one of my all time favorite verses in it. It's from Joshua and it goes "If it does not please you to serve the Lord, decide today whom you will serve... As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." It was a personal motto from high school, that transcends into my new family. It was a decision to serve the Lord that I have (hopefully faithfully) stuck with and will stick with for the rest of my life. But the deacon posed the question of what other gods do we serve?

Mine are facebook and T.V. I am a classic facebook addict. I check it multiple times a day, every day of the week. It's almost like a nervous twitch. If I'm sitting down and want to do something, I automatically get up and go to the computer to refresh my e-mail and facebook. A friend of mine, Kristy, recently decided that facebook was interfering with her real life, and closed her account. On one side I was impressed, but the other side shivered at the thought of giving up my drug of choice. I don't want to close my account because it is such a great way to contact my family and close friends, but there needs to be a way to cut down the time I spend on it.

The T.V. addiction is a little funny considering that we only receive 2 stations with our antennae. Once we ditched cable for cost reasons, we thought it would also decrease the amount of tv we watched with the limited channel selections. The t.v. has been my constant companion during the day. In the beginning, it was a way to count the hours as I fumbled my way through caring for a newborn. Today show, Clare wakes up, The View, Clare's 1st nap, All My Children, Clare's 2nd nap, The Doctors, My shift is almost up, The Local News, Kevin will be home anytime now. I felt like I needed the constant background noise to drive out the weirdness of being home alone in a conversation-less house with a baby I had no idea how to care for. Now it's become a distraction when the routine of baby care gets to be boring.

I was also paranoid about making sure Clare didn't actually watch t.v. till she was older. So she's always been faced away from the t.v. or distracted if she was able to see it. But with the dawn of her new found mobility, that is not possible any more. And she loves t.v. It's like her own little heaven when she can lock her eyes on it for more than a few minutes. The t.v. needs to be turned off, and other activities need to take it's place. I know it, but I don't know how to do it yet. It's the god I've been serving, instead of the real God of our household.

So today, Clare and I stopped into the adoration chapel for a bit to try and refocus our life. I wouldn't call it a smashing success, considering Clare thought the small, still, peaceful chapel was great place to try out her highest pitched squeals. Though the other prayers said it was fine, I couldn't help but feel bad about interrupting their quite time with God. Maybe with some practice she will learn what "shh" means and actually do it!

I hope you had a chance this Sunday, or after reading this, to think about what other gods are in your life. I feel a little bit better about admitting mine to you, but that's probably because I'm an overly open person. Wish me luck as I attempt to curb the habits, because.... AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSEHOLD WE WILL SERVE THE LORD AND NO OTHER!

Side Note To Any Other Parents: If you let your child watch the Jerry Springer show the second they came out of the womb, please know that I do not judge or feel that you made the wrong choice. My decision to keep Clare from watching t.v. is purely personal and not for every kid. The End.

Pimples and Angst

2009-08-04T15:16:00.003-05:00

Pimples have decided to take over my chin this week. You would think that God would have an out-clause that after all your teenage years filled with blemishes and night creams, that you would then get to go on living your 20's in facial clear bliss. But no, I swear I'll still be looking over the Noxzema products at Wal-mart when I hit 60. There is only one emotion that runs through my body as I stare into the mirror wishing the pimples would just disappear; teenage angst. You remember those intense emotions of strife that make up every one's teen years. Where every problem is blown 100 times out of proportion due to crazy hormone changes. As I stare into my reflection glaring at my acne, I am suddenly swept away back in time...

I'm back in junior high, and one little slip of my foot has caused a large and ill placed hole in my uniform shorts. For the rest of the day, I am forced to wear my large, baggy, red gym shorts. The icing on the cake is that as I walk away, you can see "KRILE" written in 3 foot tall black letters across my butt. Aughh! In all my teenage wisdom, I'm pretty sure I will die of embarrassment by the end of the day.

Somehow I live to make it to high school and my first job. I'm the new receptionist at the high school aquatic center, only I'm desperate to quit after the first week. You see, the guy I was dating for "forever" dumped me a few weeks ago, and he just happens to be one of our schools star swimmers. That means having to avoid eye contact and pretending to busy almost everyday as he walks through the lobby. The stress alone made me want to buy stock in Clearasil.

Luckily I stuck with the job for over two years and made it to college. My class schedule is made, and before I know it I'm swamped with homework and labs. With finals right around the corner, it is vital to study since the test counts 25% of your final grade. With plenty of studying and rest, I wake up the morning of my final wondering why I feel a little bit too rested. Could it be that I forgot to set my alarm clock and have now conveniently slept through the entire 3 hour testing period for the final. Ahh!!! I leave about 30 frantic, half crying, messages to my professors answering machine begging for a second chance. And like all teen angst problems, it was resolved without any real problem. I re-took the test, passed my classes, and graduated college.

Now in the real world with my feet firmly planted, you would think that a silly thing like acne wouldn't get to me. But think back for a second to your teen years, you know you have stories like mine. Now everyone go wash your face and hope to never have to relive your teen years!

I could not make this up if I tried

2009-07-25T18:14:00.002-05:00

(Eating at Jimmy John's, where the music is played abnormally loud)

Mary: Is this the Beastie Boys?

Kevin: No, it's Rage Against the Machine.

Mary: I can really hear the rage in their voice.

Kevin: Yeah, I think you would like them. They hate America.

Mary: What? Are they not from here?

Kevin: No they are, but they're like Democrats...

Not to toot my own horn, but...

2009-07-22T17:00:00.010-05:00

I am a domestic goddess this week!

Exhibit A: I planned, purchased, and installed drapes in Clare's room all in one day. The fact that I had to use power tools, should make my Dad glow with pride.

Editor's Note: Please excuse the blatant disregard towards the fold wrinkles in the drapes. That's how we roll in this house. If it bothers you, feel free to look away or come to my house to iron them out.

Exhibit B: I made this darling baby shower diaper cake for my friend Nichole's Shower/Good-bye party. It is too cute for words.

Exhibit C: With a house of 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 husband, I have found it very difficult to keep the carpets clean for my "rolling like a log" infant. I would have to vacuum every day to keep up with the mess, but not anymore. I have invented the Baby Roomba to roll away my problems. Simple strap on some duct tape to your rolling infant and sit back and relax.

Notice her natural gift to pick up grime.

Editor's Note: No children were harmed in the making of the post...

Just Let It Go

2009-07-13T13:52:00.006-05:00

Do you ever find yourself lying in bed before you fall asleep feeling like there is a ton of bricks on your chest? It's like you've spent the whole day juggling the bricks. Then someone from the crowd throws in one to many for you to handle, and they all come piling down. I'm a classic brick juggler. I always think I can handle everything that comes my way, but then find myself flat on my back, out of breath, and covered in all the things I was trying to control.

Like so many people I live by the phrase "I can do all things", but forget about the second half of "through Christ who strengthens me". That's what I realize when I'm lying on the floor under all the debris. I try to handle everything on my own, and forget that God is essential in everything I do. But the bricks are still there, and they can not be ignored. It's time to Let Go, and Let God.

To 'Let Go, and Let God' is to stop, realize you've tried to control too many things on your own, and move over to let God take control. I sit in a quiet place and look at my fists. They are clinched tightly around all my problems. My nails dig into my palms, as the stress feels like it is going to swallow me whole. Then I take a deep breath, tell God I can't do it anymore, open up my hands, and visualize the problems falling to the floor with a loud crash. For those problems that cause me the most grief, I throw them to the wall like a dish smashing into a million pieces at the impact. I give all my problems to Him, all my anxieties to Him, all my responsibilities to Him, all my worries to Him. I check my breathing to see if my chest is free from the bricks. If not, then I do it over and over and over again till I feel free.

While the problems don't necessarily automatically disappear in God's hand, my impulses to control them have. Instead of juggling the bricks, I focus on the capable hands I gave them to. The temptation to pick up the bricks again is strong, but I leave them at the feet of God and walk away. Life no longer becomes overwhelming when I keep giving it all to God. "For my yolk is easy, and my burden light" when I walk with God by my side.

Summer of Self-Improvement

2009-06-25T16:08:00.003-05:00

Things on The Summer of Self-Improvement List

1) Wear shorts at least once a week. Now living in 100+ weather in a town where winter doesn't exist, you would think that this would be a no brainer. But let me tell you, I have issues with shorts. My legs haven't seen the light of day since junior high. Of the massive 448 photos of me on facebook, I am wearing shorts in a grand total of 18 pictures. That is less than 4%. I hope to rid myself of my ridiculous shorts phobia and no longer be known as "t-shirt & jeans girl"!

2) Keep toenails looking fabulous. If they are not always kept stunning with shades of Barbie pink or She-devil red nail polish, then they at least have to look well groomed and trimmed. It's summer, and wearing flip-flops all the time should require good looking toes.

3) Do something with this hair. I have recently chopped quite a bit of hair off in an attempt to keep it out of Clare's grabby little hands. (No, not as much as I cut off that one time that made me look like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.) It looks fine down, but the up in a pony-tail it looks like a bunny's tail that got stuck in a light socket. I have been experimenting for weeks, but haven't found the out-of-my-face, low maintenance hair-do I need.

Things Not on the Summer of Self-Improvement List

1) Getting a tan. I am pasty white, always have been, always will be. I accept my body as God has designed it, and I will not bother with tanning.

2) Wearing a bikini. Clare did quite a number on my body when she was being formed, and I don't think it will ever be quite the same. I have already bought and worn my first "Mom Suit". It comes fully equipped with low cut bottoms, tummy coverage elastic bands, and a full coverage inner lining bra. Maybe when all the kids are born, I might try to get into Hot Mom shape again.

Dum Dum Da Dum....

2009-06-08T16:45:00.002-05:00

Praise God! The Texan Krile family has now come full circle. Over Memorial Day weekend this year, my parents married off the last of their children. Just a few years ago, we were a family of five that had trouble cramming into one booth at Burger King, and now we are busting at the seams with more laughter and hugs than I ever imagined as a youth.

What better way to seal a person into your family, than a big, joyous wedding. I must admit that I'm a wedding lover through and through. I've often been the odd girl at wedding where I have never met the bride or groom, but will still be seen sobbing as the vows are exchanged. From the ultra lavish wedding with a perfect California sunset in the background to the simple intimate wedding in the backyard of a good friend, each holds the beauty of two separate beings becoming forever entwined. Two families meeting for the first time. The strange mixture of joy and sorrow at letting go of your married child. The chance to reconnect with friends you haven't seen for ages.

Praise God for all marriages.

Praise God for my parent's marriage. My Mom was the first to tell me that love is not an emotion. It is a decision that you make every day you are married. A decision to love your spouse no matter what.

Praise God for my brother's marriage. He was the first one to marry and brought us the lovely Melissa. It really allowed us to open up and bring in a new member of the family. We learned how to let our love grow.

Praise God for my marriage. I know God's hand was in me marrying Kevin, and I know my family is blessed for him being with us. (ex. small strong powerful hands)

Praise God for my sister's marriage. Though it is still new and in the honeymoon phase, the addition of David makes our family complete.

Praise God. Praise God.

Stretched and Confused

2009-04-09T08:52:00.007-05:00

I should have taken pictures! No, nothing too risque, just pictures. Sure the thighs jiggled a bit more than I liked and the whiteness of the skin would be shocking with a flash. But I still should have taken pictures...

It's cute in the beginning, almost a thrill. "Oh I'm pregnant! I'm going to get so big". Then it starts to scare you as the first stretch marks appear on the back of your thighs. As the weight packs on and the stomach grows, your mind starts to forget about your body and only thinks about the life you are carrying. I guess it's God's coping mechanism with what is really happening with your body. But then the day of reckoning comes.

No, I'm not talking about the day you give birth. Yeah, that's a thrill and joy, but not the day you'll really remember. I'm talking about a week or so later. The day when you step out of the shower, start drying yourself off, the condensation evaporates off the mirror, and you see what has happened to your body.

"Ahhh!" I screamed. Those cute little beginning stretch marks decided to multiply like rabbits all over my legs, back, and stomach. I dare to turn a little and shiver at the sight of my butt. It looks like a pack of alley cats used my butt as a scratching pad. Skin that once encircled the life I carried within me, now look rejected as it droops in cascading folds. And further down, I'm still having nightmares of what it went through, so we just won't get into that!

Now luckily most of the extra weight seemed to slip away. I guess it helps when you have someone draining ounces of milk off of you around the clock. But those last few pounds just don't seem to want to budge. It's like those pounds have found a nice cushy home that they would fight to the death for. The phrase "Mom Butt" flashes through my mind, and I can see that my fate has been sealed. I had to go swimsuit shopping yesterday. I cringed at every suit, and pulled at every edge hoping it could cover just one more inch of skin. The days of bikinis are long gone.

Clare is over four months now, and I think I look great... as long as I am fully clothed. But this story is not to terrify any of my friends that are pregnant or going to be in the future. My little girl is worth every mark, and I will create new ones for her future siblings. I just want to say to those ladies out there, take a few pictures. They will be something nice to look back on right before you pop in the "tone and firm" workout DVD!

True Devotion

2009-02-24T16:34:00.007-06:00

The first few moments when Clare was born were filled with anxiety, joy, and excitement. When they laid her on my stomach, I saw the beautiful life that would become my whole world. I wouldn't necessarily call it love at first sight, but a deep and heavy emotion took over body. The gravity and sincerity of what it means to be a mother filled me. From that moment on I became 100% devoted to Clare.

I would do anything for her. I remember one night when she was screaming in my arms and tears were streaming down my face, I whispered over and over in her ear, "I will always love you. I will always take care of you." Those words will always be true.

There is no mountain too high or river too deep. I will kiss her face and hold down her arm as the nurse has to draw blood from her month old arm. I will feed her from my own body to give her the nourishment she needs. I will talk in a ridiculously high pitched baby voice to get her to smile. I will rock her in my arms when she is screaming for hours. I will wake up every 2 hours for weeks till she can sleep longer on her own. I will sneak into her room when she is peacefully sleeping, just to make sure everything is alright. I will proudly wear the shirt that she just decided to spit-up on. I will read every self-help book made to make sure she is happy and healthy. I will fall in love with every little part of her body.

Clare depends on me for everything, and I take that job seriously. Being her Mom has been some of the most challenging times and at the same time the most rewarding. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I became her mom, and I will always have a devotion to her that cannot be broken. My bond to her will last a lifetime.

For everyone out there who reads this, I hope you take a moment to thank your own mom. There is no one in the world who loves you like she does. I have never loved or appreciated my own mom as much as I do now. Thank you for being devoted to me, Mom!

Momma Morris

2009-01-14T12:27:00.004-06:00

*squeak* *grunt* *ugh* *whah* *oiyeee* The new sounds of my everyday life. Beside me squirms my new little girl, Clare Noelle Morris. It is quite surreal to think that a little over six weeks ago, she was just a bump in my stomach that I carried around everyday. Those were the easy days. My life has completely changed since then and will never be the same.

I have a new job now. The title of Mom is a 24 hours, 7 days a week position with no holiday's or sick leave. I'm available for a 10 am diaper change, 3 pm rocking chair routine, 9 pm booger sucking, and 2 am feeding frenzy. Everyday is a casual Friday, and some days showers are optional. There was no training before I took the position, so it has naturally had some tough moments.

Though I feel more and more like I am starting to get the hang of having a child, I am still constantly flipping Clare over to look for an owners manual. There is just so much involved in raising a child, and I'm doing most of it by guessing. I have a new found respect for parents all over the world.

Clare is the love of my life. She came out looking just like Kevin, but with a head full of curly hair like me. She changes every week and hits new milestones all the time. My favorite is that she's starting to smile. You can see the concentration on her face as she stares at my smile and works her check muscles to try and imitate it.

I would not be able to handle all the changes if it weren't for my loving and supportive husband. Kevin has lifted me up when I get so blue that I can't see any hope. He has whisked Clare away when she's been crying in my arms for an entire day. He has cooked and cleaned to help take care of the house. And has even woken up with me on some night shifts to help change a diaper.

I still feel as though I'm running on half a tank of gas and half a brain, but Clare is worth every moment. My life will never be the same, and I'm grateful for that!

Am I Ready For This?

2008-11-24T16:48:00.002-06:00

I went to the doctor today for my 37 week check up. Thinking that I have been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions lately, I was hoping she would say I was 1 cm dilated for all the uncomfortable pain I've gone through... In actuality, she said I was 3-4 cm already. I wish someone could have had a camera to record the lo0k of shock on my face. I think I turned to see Kevin grinning from ear to ear. The doctor predicted that I have Clare on Thanksgiving, and that if I still hadn't started active labor by next Monday, she would be shocked. She said that once my body gets to 4 cm, the contractions will be a whole lot more painful and that I will know when to come into the hospital, but for now it's just a waiting game.

Right now I'm full of a thousand emotions... excited, nervous, happy, and mostly scared. Giving birth is no easy task and it will definitely be an event I remember for the rest of my life. Physically the house is ready for her to come, but I'm not sure how ready my mind is for her to be here. I was still thinking we had 3 weeks to go! I hope Kevin and I are ready for little Clare, and I hope she is ready for us. Our lives are about to change forever.

All prayers are gladly accepted and needed!

Man Slave

2008-11-18T08:30:00.002-06:00

As I was writing out my mundane grocery list last week, I was taken back to my college years. I loved to find my friends grocery lists and add a bit of my own flare. I would always either add (a) Cookie for Mary or (b) Man-Slave. Even with all my years of persistent asking, they never brought me back either one. But boy, would a man slave had come in handy.

Now don't get your minds in the gutter. A man slave is not to be used for any "inappropriate" uses. The phrase actually started in high school. I had an 8:00 class on the 3rd floor of our building. Ah, the torture. Keep in mind my inability to function before 10 am and my lack of physical fitness. All I wanted was a man slave, hired for the purpose of carrying me and my book bag up those long, twisty staircases every morning. My morning would have been exponentially brighter had my precious energy not been wasted on hauling my own body weight and bag up those stairs.

I would have loved to have the man slave in college too. Think of the struggle of lugging groceries up to a second story apartment, having 3-4 bags hanging from each arm. For a man slave, I'm sure it would have been no problem, but for me a weekly nightmare. Or what about when I missed the bus to campus and had to trek across the cold, windswept parking lots to my class. If my friends had been nice enough to have gotten me a man slave, he would have given me a piggy back ride all the way to my class desk.

Now a days, I no longer have a need for a man slave. Either life has gotten easier, or I have accepted to do things (like walking) on my own. But if any of you happen to run across a man slave with working mammary ducts, I bet I could use him in a couple of weeks! (or you could just get me that cookie I asked for on the grocery list, thanks...)

Sugar, you sexy little thing

2008-10-30T10:33:00.004-05:00

I cry out in sadness, because my life has been flipped upside down. I used to have days when I would literally have dreams about the burgers at Carl's Junior. McDonald's was a weekly stomping ground with their tantalizing 2 cheeseburger meal and big mac with the scintillating secrete sauce. There was never a question that I would always like seconds when it came to hot dogs. And I was always a fan of bologna, even after knowing what all it was made of.

I would scoff and pity the people who loved desserts. Those people seemed foreign in the way they would drool over a cookie or feel tempted by a candy bar. Getting a dessert after a meal seemed like just a waste of money. Sugar and chocolate held no appeal to me... until two weeks ago.

Dang pregnancy has caused my walls to crumble around me. The sweet lure of chocolate and sugar tugs at my taste buds. I sneak around like a secrete ninja just to raid a twix bar from my co-workers candy jar. I actually join Kevin on his search for a dessert after dinner, instead of mocking his dependence on sweets. I spend my preciously saved nickles and dimes to splurge on a sweet mug root beer in the afternoon. Even this morning, I did the unthinkable and broke into our Halloween candy early to eat skittles at 10 in the morning. Ahhh!! What have I become?

I can only hope and pray that this is just a pregnancy craving phase, and not that my meat loving taste buds have left me for good. Oh meat, I do still love you, but you just aren't the number one food group on my mind! Is this adultery of the heart?

Tell me, what is the food item that weakens your knees and leaves you helpless to do nothing else but eat it?

Pinching Pennies

2008-10-08T12:15:00.005-05:00

Kevin makes the money, and Mary tells it where to go

This statement is how Kevin and I have always dealt with our finances. And now with the economy looking scary, we take our jobs even more seriously.

In the very beginning I took over paying the bills and managing the budget, because someone had a bad bachelor habit of not always opening his mail... I won't name names, but that lead to me being in charge of watching our money. Truthfully, I love the job. I have never been very good at bringing in a lot of money, but I love to manage it. I love working through our budget and determining where our money is spent. Looking at a finished budget every month is like looking at a newly reorganized and cleaned room. You just can't help but be proud of it, even when there are still imperfections showing.

In a little over two months, Kevin and I are going to make a big switch from a two income household to a one income household. To say it will not be a big deal is a lie, but we have been trying to prepare for this since we first joined lives (or checking accounts!). We always tried to budget and live off of his paycheck alone, and used mine as a way to eliminate our debt and get a nest egg. We try to live cheaply and money wise; shopping at Wal-mart, buying a house in our lower price range, never owning a credit card, buying only used cars, and splurging on extra trips to McDonald's instead of extra trips to Hawaii.

I sometimes think about how different the life of our future family could be if I would not be a stay at home mom. Not that we would be rich, but at least have a little more luxuries in life. Cable, flat screen t.v., private school, eating out more than once a week. But Father John reminded me this weekend on the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi that we are called to "live simply and distinguish our needs from our wants".

I need to fulfill God's call in my life to be a stay at home mom.
I want to be able live in a plush 2 story house with a neighborhood pool.
I need to ensure that our family is using our money in the best way possible.
I want to eat out every meal over the weekend and not cook.
I need to see the beauty is living simply.
I want to get wrapped up in the material world.

It's time to focus on the real needs of our lives, and learn to get over our wants. I am definitely going to need some divine assistance with this one!

DreamGirl

2008-09-30T08:56:00.004-05:00

When being asleep is your favorite part of the day, it naturally makes all mornings the worst time of the day. I am a very grouchy person in the morning, and you better stay out of my way. Kevin's morning routine is earlier than mine and a lot more chipper. As he greets me with a perky "Good Morning", I respond with a loving "gruhhh". I tend to not like to use words until after my hot shower.

Since the first of my pregnancy, my dreams have quadrupled and exploded in vivid stories all over my mind. My entire night is filled with dream after dream after dream. I wake up feeling like I haven't rested due to all the running around I've done the entire night. Some people say that everyone dreams all the time at night, but only a few remember it when you wake up. Maybe my waking up every other hour to use the restroom has caused me to remember more than usual.

I must admit that this period of dreams is a lot more welcome than when I was a child. I never had "good dreams" as a child, only nightmares. I never understood why everyone loved to have dreams and analyze them, because they were always a horrible event to remember for me. The only flying dream I had was because I had just been killed and was then floating up to heaven. Luckily through some childhood therapy and my loving and patient Mom & Dad, I was able to leave that stage of my life behind and actually have good dreams for the first time ever.

Now that my nights are completely booked solid with dreams, the variety is pretty pathetic. Apparently my active imagination during the day doesn't like to exert itself at night. After watching the presidential debate, I dreamed about the debate. After watching 12 Amazing Race reruns, I dreamed about the Amazing Race. It's getting a bit boring. I think I will eat some spicy mustard and bad cheese tonight to see if the old "Christmas Carol" theory will give me some more interesting dreams.

Sweet dreams everyone and good luck waking up in the morning!

Two Years and Counting

2008-09-02T11:30:00.007-05:00

Dear Kevin,

Happy Two Year Wedding Anniversary! In the past two years, I have really come to realize how much God loves me to have paired me with you. On that beautiful and muggy wedding day, I stood before God and all our loved ones and promised to be your wife for the rest of my life. While at the time I knew that you were an amazing man, I didn’t know yet what a perfect match for me you would be. Through these years, God has revealed more and more of how you are a perfect compliment to my soul.

I know that when we are joking around I love to tell you that “You’re my Favorite”, but I don’t think you know how true that is.

When you are driving me around in the car, with my fist pumping in the air and you dancing with your shoulders… You’re my favorite.

When I’m an emotional heap-of-a-mess, crying in bed, and you make me see that everything’s going to be okay… You’re my favorite.

When we are lying around watching T.V. at night, and you give me a few of the purple fruit snacks because you know they are my favorite… You’re my favorite.

When I look at our entwined hands after communion at mass, and I know that you are praying for me and our marriage… You’re my favorite.

When I feel so fat and ugly pregnant, and you have to help me off the couch and tell me that you think I’m still beautiful and sexy… You’re my favorite.

When we walk around the house talking and imagining about all the projects and improvements we plan to do throughout the years… You’re my favorite.

When we go to Sonic and you order my overly picky drink (Medium Diet Coke, Light Ice, with Real Cherries, no Cherry syrup) without complaint… You’re my favorite.

When I get lonely sitting in my hot bath and need someone to talk to, and you sit in the bathroom even though you have other things you would rather do… You’re my favorite.

When I think about how much you mean to me and how whole my life has become since we said ‘I do’… You’re my favorite.

Two years is not a very long time, but they have definitely been more wonderful than I could have imagined. My heart swells with joy when I think of the years together we have ahead of us. And at night when I watch you sleep, I pray to God that nothing separates us before we grow old together and thank Him for choosing you to be my husband. I am truly blessed, and I love You!

Love,
Mary (LoveDove)

Hitting the halfway mark

2008-07-29T12:59:00.004-05:00

The finish line is still no where in sight, but I've made it to the halfway point of this marathon called pregnancy. This week I have made it to week 20 of an average 40 weeks!

A friend recently asked me if pregnancy was what I expected. I must be honest that the first trimester was not. It was much more hard and difficult than I could have ever imagined. The symptoms were staggering (nausea, dizziness, bleeding gums, bleeding nose, extreme exhaustion, excessive gas, cramps, dry eyes, loss of appetite, constipation, excessive peeing, excessive drooling, back aches, increased allergies, sore "chest", indigestion, incontinence, memory loss, mood swings, shortness of breath, and weight gain). All of those problems and your not supposed to take medicine (or a good stiff drink) for any of it.

I literally almost got into a crying fit with Kevin in Wal-mart one day when he wanted to buy generic shampoo instead of the Dove I normally get him. Why did this upset me so much? I have no idea now, but I assure you those hormones had something to do with it. As I laid on the couch that night wondering if I would be allowed into an insane asylum, I tried to figure out how women all over the world had multiple children and endure these symptoms all over again.

Then God "threw me a bone", and I entered into my second trimester. Slowly and surely, all my symptoms have either disappeared or become part of my life and routine. I've finally started feeling like a normal human being again and can be taken out in public. The idea of being a Mom is starting to make me glow and get excited. Just about 3 weeks ago my belly finally started to show my baby bump. So instead of just feeling like a ill psychotic woman, I can now look down on my little bump and feel small kicking inside.

So for right now as I sit at the halfway mark of my pregnancy, I can say that pregnancy was nothing like I expected. While it has been hard, it has also been more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. I pray that God keep me and my little girl safe and healthy, so that we can finally meet face to face in December. Wish us luck on the second half of the run!

Divisable by 12

2008-07-07T08:52:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to Me! What a wonderful day. To say that I was apprehensive about this birthday would be an understatement. Somehow the thought of being an adult in the real world made me sure that the day would be a huge unnoticed flop. I am happy to report that I was completely wrong.

With Kevin's immense love, cards from family, and numerous phone calls and messages throughout the day, I was swarmed with love and happiness. It was almost a birthday straight out of my childhood. The highlights being a picnic lunch of Arby's, getting my favorite baskin robbin's ice cream cake (mint choc chip), presents (of course), Japanese hibachi dinner (yay, MSG), and two rounds of mini golf to end the evening (a putt-putt b-day tradition).

Kevin really went out of his way to make sure everything went right. He even got the perfect birthday present to commemorate my birthday month; ruby earrings! I am so lucky to have him for a husband. He has had to put up with a lot lately with my ever irrational pregnancy hormones. He loves me so unconditionally that I wonder if I won some sort of marriage lottery. There is no question in my mind that God set me up for a lifetime of happiness when he showed me to Kevin.

I want to thank all of you for the birthday wishes, prayers, and gifts. I really do appreciate it. It is really nice to know that even when you're an adult, your birthday can still be just as magical as when you were 12!

As I laid awake last night unable to sleep (perhaps due to the large amount of sugar in my cake), I thanked God for a wonderful year with the amazing people in my life. I am truly blessed!

Jesus and the breaking of the Goldfish

2008-04-07T08:01:00.003-05:00

This past Youth Group with the high school teens really revitalized my soul. It was a night of saying "Praise God" for these teens are amazing. Our focus of the night was on the Eucharist and John Chapter 6. To sum up the Chapter "Mary Style":

After Jesus had performed the miracle of multiplying the loaves and fishes, he tries to tell the Jews that he is the everlasting food. "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst."

But the people murmured and argued about what He said. Then Jesus said again, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world."

But still the people argued about what he was saying to them. Now at this point Jesus didn't say "Wait guys, I was just kidding about the eat my flesh stuff. If it makes you more comfortable, just look at it as a symbolic thing." No, Jesus states for a third time, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him."

After that, people told him that what he was saying was "hard to believe", but Jesus made no excuses for what he said. He knew that there would be those who would then leave him.

This chapter in John is the rock that steadies my belief in the Eucharist. It is not a symbol of Christ, it is not something just to remember the last supper, it is the true presence of Christ celebrated every mass.

Last night we had a teen named Joseph give a testimony on his experience with the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. He really blew me away with his faith and growth! I know that it took me until I was in college to really start to believe in the Eucharist, and here he was just in high school already feeling the power of the host!

Joseph told a story about a Lutheran service that he went to recently. The speaker was a former military man that was talking about times when they used Goldfish and grape juice as symbols of the last supper. Joseph said that his faith in the Catholic Church was renewed, because he could tell that others were really missing out with their services. They didn't have or believe in the real presence of Christ. He had us imagine going up to receive at our church and the communion minister saying to you, "Receive the Snack that Smiles Back!"

Today I hold onto the joy of receiving Christ every week and hope that someday everyone will see and receive the Eucharist for what it really is. AMEN!

Office Space

2008-03-28T09:55:00.002-05:00

There is nothing more refreshing, humorous, and real than a Dilbert cartoon. It is amazing how life can change when you get into the real world after college stuck in a cubicle cell.

It's Raining Cats and Dogs in Here

2008-02-22T08:38:00.001-06:00

"Pinko Pig" ~ This was the endearing term my mom called me growing up. She said that I always had an unusual love for nature and the care of animals. While we were a nature conserving family (using reusable cloth napkins everyday), my mom felt like I had an over the top love for the environment. She might have gotten this idea when she caught me attempting to give cat food and a blanket to a dying squirrel in our back yard. Or maybe it was when I started collecting and keeping snails as a pet in my room, because I was disgusted by the fact that my parents would purposely step on them outside. What ever the reason, I was considered the Pinko Pig of the family.

Now I have two more reasons to be called a Pinko Pig; Duke and Daisy. After our first dog Lucy passed away so suddenly, Kevin and I knew that we wanted to get another dog. As we searched through the shelters, my "bleeding heart" started to show. Oh there were plenty of normal average loving dogs that would have been perfect in any home, but my heart always goes out to the odd ones. The pitt bulls that everyone thinks are vicious but really just misunderstood, the deaf dogs that people don't want to worry about training, and the brother and sisters that end up being separated because it's easier to adopt one dog not two.

Duke and Daisy, the two great pyranees mixes, looked like a bleeding heart case if I ever saw one. They had many strikes against them. A) They were a brother and sister that would likely be separated. B) They were so large and awkward. C) They would easily go through 20 lbs. a dog food a week if kept together ($$$). D) They were wild dogs, meaning they had no idea what a leash was or why a dog would chose to hang around a human (unless it was feeding it of course).

How could a labeled Pinko Pig turn down two dogs like that! So our peaceful little family of Mom and Dad and Cat got turned upside down with the new dogs. Some things have been great. They don't try to eat the cat, and the cat doesn't try to kill them. Some things have been sad. Our yard that was once magnificent now looks like people have been digging for treasure. All in all, our new larger family is very happy.

Now I think my pinko-ness is spreading to Kevin, because he is talking about finding another cat for Mae to be with! Ah, someone stop us! We just don't know when to stop, but maybe that's a good thing in the end. Wish us luck as our family continues to expand over the years. I hope to still have my sanity when I'm in my forties!

p.s. I soon found out after being labeled a pinko that it is actually a derogatory term for people who are communist sympathizers. Oh well... Not in my family!

Bit by the Baby Bug

2007-12-03T13:09:00.000-06:00

*As a female of a certain age and marital status. I can't help but get all goo-goo-eyed when I see either an expecting mother or a baby. It's like my insides get all mushy, and my hormones start to sway. I swear they should make a pill to keep women from wanting to "talk baby" to every infant they see.

*Now I was born with a strong maternal side. I knew as early as elementary school that my calling in life was to be a full time Mom. The whole have a job, make a career, and climb the ladder sounded about as appealing as gnawing my own leg off. Even my family could see that I was never going to make it in the job market. They would tell me that I need to marry a rich man, so I wouldn't have to work. If that didn't work, they thought I would be a great secretary (thank you, family, for always helping me to reach beyond the stars...) Their support and confidence in my abilities left me blushing (or is that offended). Anyway, they we're right about my place in life not being a bread winner.

*Have you ever seen that out of fashion Mom lugging about at least 4 kids and looking like she might snap if one of her little darlings dared to swab another booger on her jeans. I'm a bit like Jekyll and Hyde as I sit back and think "That poor crazy woman... I can't wait to be like her!" I can see how hard and isolating it will be to stay at home with kids. On the other hand, I feel like it is the only thing I will truly be happy doing. That's the thing with callings in life. They aren't always to easiest ways to go, but it is the only way you will truly feel fulfilled.

*Now I don't plan on being pregnant for a very long time, but you better believe I will be showing of my water melon belly and making other womens hormones sway when I am!

Life as a celebrity

2007-11-08T10:49:00.001-06:00

- - - Recently I was lucky enough to get a taste of the life celebrities live. okay so it was a tiny tiny taste, maybe even just a lick. It was a situation where my life was posted for everyone to read. well, now that I think about it, probably only a hand full of people saw it. The point is: I felt the sensation of seeing something very personal put into a story, twisted, and then regurgitated for the world to see.

- - - Now you are asking me, Mary did someone write about your fabulous weekend spent in San Antonio? no, but it was a weekend to remember. Mary did someone write about the amazing plastic bag holder that you bought at Wal-mart? wrong again, but it is my best purchase this week.

- - - Instead of all those good topics, someone decided instead to write about my dog.... to be blunt, my dead dog... my dead dog that I had to watch slowly die... My dog died of distemper less than two weeks from when we adopted her from a local shelter, a shelter that has gotten a lot of publicity (not the good kind) lately for possible inhumane issues. A shelter that many people are trying to discredit in an effort to get new management.

- - - Let's take a walk though the day... At this point, it has been a week since Lucy passed away, and I've finally stopped crying about it. Imagine my surprise when a close friend calls me apologizing profusely for an article written about me without permission. to be honest, I didn't see the big deal at first. I went to the website and read my very personal and private e-mail that I had sent to my good friend detailing the ailments and sufferings of my dog before she died.

- - - It was my e-mail, but slightly re-worded and added on. The blog author, wanting to discredit the shelter more, added words like "supposedly". I've never meet this woman in my entire life, I never gave her permission to use my story for her own purposes, and my friend that told her the story made sure she knew that I chose not to go public with it. but still, those personal, painful, and plagiarized words were glowing on my computer screen.

- - - Not only was my life plastered for the world to see like some entertaining news story, she had apparently been trying to contact my vet for more information. this broke the straw on the camels back. Let me just say our vet is amazing. She let me call 5 times a day to ask her the stupidest questions about Lucy and she was supportive every time. If this stupid blogger woman was going to cause me to loose my vet due to the trouble we were causing her... well ... I'm a Christian woman, but there was going to have to be blood shed...

- - - Of course I got the name and number of the author and called her to remove the story immediately, and of course she conveniently did not answer her cell phone or home phone. Praise God, later that day the blog post had be reduced to a few sentences, and she wrote that she would stop trying to contact our vet.

So I wasn't really a celebrity (the woman didn't even use my name in the post) but I did feel how personally it can hit you when the media tries to manipulate something you say or do. Next time that I'm blowing off time in the Wal-mart check out line, I will not pick up the latest tabloid, but instead reach for the Martha Stewart cooking magazine. I might also buy that huge box of matches that are always in the impulse buy section. who really buys matches that way! Okay, I'll save that rant for the next post..........bye!

Give me your forever

2007-09-04T15:56:00.000-05:00

One year ago, I stood in front of God, family, and friends and married the love of my life. We promised to give each other our forever, not just a few good years, not just as long as we still felt good about each other, but we vowed on forever. I don’t think I realized what taking someone’s forever would involve, but now I have a bit more of an idea. Kevin, give me your forever….

- There are days when we you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face. When your joy is so infectious that is impossible not to feel lifted up by being next to you. Give me your happiness to me, give me your forever.

- Some days you just can’t catch a break. It’s like a repeated onslaught of bad events and bad timing. Anger fills your chest, and someone needs to stand by your side. Give me your anger, give me your forever.

- They say that marriage is when two become one. There are times when we are so close that I have trouble finding where you end and I begin. That bond is so close and precious. Give me that connection, give me your forever.

- Those migraines pound your head. They make it hard to stand up much less concentrate on doing anything else. Some one needs to help you and watch over you. Give me your sickness, give me your forever.

- You open presents on Christmas day and I open them on the Eve. I read the fortune before even eating the cookie and you have to eat at least half before getting the read the fortune. Our traditions are different, but now in marriage they need to become the same. Give me your traditions, give me your forever.

- You went from one day being a guy that I was dating to the next day being a part of my family. People who seem like strangers are now tied together as family. You lead me into a group of people who know you so well, and know me so little. Give me your family, give me your forever.

Every day our vows become true as we hold on to each other and accept the good and the bad, the rich and the poor, the sickness and the health, the better and the worse every day from now on out. I take your forever with a happy heart, because there is no one else I would want to share my forever with than you.

Scar

2007-08-10T08:16:00.000-05:00

No one can see the scars of the heart. But to the owner of the scar, they are always there. Like physical scars they can lay dormant for ages without anyone noticing.

It was a moment in time; a past decision you regret, a loss you never quite got over, or an event that you cannot change how it ended. That moment cuts you deep and time turns it into just a scar. My scar was over events that I lead, but yet had no control over the outcome. Not really a regret, but more of a disappointment.

Everything will be normal in life, the scar long forgotten, and then some unimportant conversation or event will remind you. Your memory starts to blossom with images and sounds of so long ago. Heat starts to grow in my body, my chest starts to tighten ever so slightly, and I feel as though I have to make my breaths purposeful.

Through years of prayer and peer counseling the events of long ago are reconciled and forgotten to most people, but I still bear my scar. I've finally gotten used to it, not really wishing for it to go away. For it is a defining moment in our lives when we receive our scars. A moment that should not be forgotten. Just like looking at the scars on our bodies can remind us of of where we have been, so too the scars on our hearts.

Life has moved me past the days I received my scar. I am healed. All that is left is a small reminder. So I will be content with my silent scar, because it has helped me get to where I am today.

Inspiration

2007-08-07T09:47:00.000-05:00

This story is such an inspiration that anything is possible if you use your mind and determination!

Malawi youth builds a wind turbine to power his village

After having to drop out of school due to lack of funds, William Kamkwamba from Malawi decided to learn as much as he could from books that had been donated to his primary school’s library. One of the books detailed how to build a windmill that generated electricity.

With much trial and error, some local materials, and an investment of about 16 dollars, William constructed a windmill that could generate enough energy for a few light bulbs and a radio.

While a few bulbs might sound insignificant, the difference changed William’s and his family’s life entirely. Instead of using expensive paraffin candles, which produce smoke and irritate the eyes, William and his family now use the energy generated by the wind to light up their house.

The engineering youth also hooked up a car battery to his generator to use as a backup in case of a non-windy day.

Call it luck or call it faith

2007-05-02T13:46:00.000-05:00

What do you want in life? Okay, so that's a very vague and large question. Let's get a bit more specific. Let me think... What do you want the love of your life to be like? We all have our ideas/our dreams/our hopes. I had an idea of mine. The thing is that the real love of my life turned out to be different than what I had imagined.

Now your thinking. Woah Mary, you're a married woman. Are you saying that your husband isn't the man you want? No, I'm not saying that. The man I married is the perfect man for me. What I'm saying is the process to obtain "my dream" was totally different than what I had in mind. Call it luck or call it faith, but either way my life led me on a path I didn't want to be on, but on a path that lead me to the love of my life.

Things happen in our life that seem like the exact opposite of what we want, but end up having a happy ending. These moments are only obvious in hindsight, and we are able to look fondly on them. I had to quit my job with no prospects of a new job in sight. The day I left that building,
I got a call to start a job that made three times as much money as the one I was leaving. I look back and think how thankful I was to have the faith to quit my job without any idea what the future would be like.

The events that we really struggle with are the ones that even after a few weeks of hindsight have no happy ending. I think of my sister-in-law. She was having a great semester and was already lining up a summer internship in South America to not only have a great job, but also get the research material she desperately needs to write her thesis. Then one night of dancing at a friends wedding has caused her whole future to turn into a large question mark. She hurt her knee to the point that she may have to have surgery and be stuck at home all summer. I assure you this was not the path she thought she would be on, but never the less it is where she has landed. I have faith (that with a little luck) this new path will lead her to the life that makes her happy. It may take years to see the happiness in the new path she has been lead down, but I know it will happen eventually.

This post all started with me wanting to tell the world how amazing my husband is. How he is my world, and how God has blessed me in this union. But an event has knocked me off my feet and lead me to wonder what will be the happy story at the end of my path. Kevin has been asked to live and work in Dallas for at least two weeks (and most likely more) this summer. It made my blood-pressure rise to think that his boss was asking us to miss a month of our first year of marriage, but I have to find peace in this.

Our story started with me being on a path I didn't want, so I have to believe that this will have the same happy result. That this sacrifice will bring us to a better place. Having faith is not easy, and it doesn't always seem to be the most logical, but it is always the best way. It's having faith that something beautiful can come from something ugly. That all our lives have a broken road that leads us to the life we always wanted, but never quite knew what it looked like.

Put Your Big Girl Panties on...

2007-04-06T08:35:00.000-05:00

I've come to the conclusion the other day that I'm going to be an adult. The startling fact is that I'm actually liking the changes. Don't get me wrong; I still miss and remember fondly my college years. You have an abundance of people that are all close to your age around you. There's an endless flow of social or spiritual things you can do. And you always can party till the wee hours of the morning.

But that's has all changed now. I was talking with my co-workers about weekends, and all they talked about is going to 6th Street and getting trashed. I couldn't even remember the last time I had gone to 6th Street. Maybe it's because I'm married or because I don't have college friends around, but I was happier thinking about my lazy weekend at home fishing and renting movies.

Ways you turn into an adult:

1) Never go to sleep after 10 p.m. on a week night. Sleep is a much higher priority than partying at night. You have a real job now, and you need at least 7 hours of sleep a night. A sad consequence to this is that it is nearly impossible to sleep in later than 9:00 on weekends. Your body is so used to waking up early during the week, that someone forgot to give it the memo to sleep in on the weekend.

2) You call your parents not because you have to, but you want to. No longer seen as a dependent in their eyes, you become more of a friend. We can talk more freely about anythings, and they actually want your opinion on things. I love talking to my parents.

3) It becomes extremely hard to keep up with old friends. We all thank facebook and myspace for making it easier to know what's going on in the lives of people that used to be close to us, but its just not the same. Conversations with friends turn into long sessions of updates on what has changed since you last talked, instead of the random conversations you used to have. Ultimately distance and how often you talk play the biggest roles on which of your once numerous friendship stay close.

4) Huge financial commitments. Kevin and I are going to buy a house this summer, and to wrap your mind around a 30 Year loan is hard to handle. You go from being a naive newlywed couple to having to figure out: how many kids are we going to have? (this will determine how many bedrooms we need), is this a good school district? (it maybe a gorgeous house, but in a crummy district), what would be the monthly payment? (Sure I have a good job now, but I'm not going to have it forever). It's all really exciting. Walking into each home and imagining how your life will start to look. Maybe a park close-by that you can take the kids on picnics to or a huge tree in the back that will make a tree-house some day.

If you can think of any other ways you've become an adult, please share them! If I haven't experienced them already, it will be nice to be prepared that they are coming along the way!

So You Want to Adopt an Animal...

2007-02-28T10:38:00.000-06:00

As a farewell to my job at the humane society, I wanted to post the info everyone should know before adopting an animal. As you can imagine, I have dealt with many, many idiotic people in the short 4 months that I worked there.

1) Spay and Neuter your pets!
If you don't want to be perceived as a complete idiot, never never never say that you would like your animal "spayded"... it's just spayed. And a hint for everyone else, male animals get neutered and female animals get spayed. You will look like a complete idiot if you schedule your animal for a neuter and bring in a female pet.

2) Don't declaw your cats!
Just so you know, it is illegal in many European countries to declaw your cat. That should make you think that maybe there is something wrong with it. Let me paint you a visual... Imagine going to the beauty parlor to get what most people consider just a nail trim or manicure. Then as they are pampering your hands, they get out a knife and saw off your fingers to the last joint. If it's not a humane practice for humans, it shouldn't be a humane practice for cats. If you want a clawless animal, get a fish!

3) Why are breeds so important?
At the shelter we hear hundreds of stories of people paying thousands of dollars for "pure breed" dogs... What's the point. Besides costing more to adopt a pure breed, they most likely cost you more at the vet since they are more likely to have medical problems. Pure breeds also have a shorter life span. Go to a shelter, save a life, and adopt a dog with a mix of breeds. You won't regret it!

4) Keep your animals...
If you have made the decision to adopt a animal, make the decision to keep the animal. It's horrible the reasons we've heard of people dropping of animals. Don't move to a place that doesn't allow you to keep your pet. Don't expect your vet bills to be cheap. Don't dump your animal at a church assuming they'll be able to take care of it. Don't assume that if you have to get rid of your animal in a short time, that you can get it into a no-kill shelter. If your new dog chews your furniture, pees in the house, and doesn't know how to walk on a leash, realize that you need to get your dog into a training school and not to the nearest shelter to drop off. Understand fully what you are getting into before you get an animal!

Okay... that's enough ranting. I loved my job at the shelter, because for as many horrible people you met, you also met as many wonderful people. I met a woman that adopted two cats, because we noticed at the shelter that when we separated the cats, their health worsened. I met people who donate hours and hours every day to scoop poop for our animals. I met a family with small children that adopted a pit bull, because they could see past the breed (they sent us pictures of their two year old kissing the dog and hanging on her tail!).

WEDDING PICTURES!

2006-10-18T16:39:00.000-05:00

Yay.... The wedding pictures are finally up!!! If you want to look at them (or only some of them considering there are over 1,000), just go to www.shanrenee.com and click on 'view & order'. Our pictures are under 'Kevin & Mary'. Tell me what you think!

Do You Have Any Grey Poupon?

2006-10-10T15:36:00.000-05:00

It's a rainy dreary day here in the Austin area, and it has inspired me to write about a subject that I truly love. It's something we all do, but most are either too ashamed or too oblivious to realize it. Of course, I am talking about the much loved and much dreaded emotional eating. It's used in all occasions. I'm bored... give me a fruit snack pack. I'm upset... let's go for the super-size meal. I'm excited... I think there are some chocolate chips in the baking cupboard.

So just for kicks giggles, here are some of my top emotionally charged foods:

- The taco bell 'supreme' chalupa... sour cream, ground meat, cheese, and a fatty shell. could I ask for more, I don't think so. Once my sister asked where in all of Lubbock would I like to go for her to give me a free dinner, and no lie, I chose taco bell. viva la creama!

- Puffed Cheeto's... there has been a long debate in the world about which is better, crunchy or puffed cheeto's. some people say crunchy, but I must say that you are just plain wrong. That puffy-ness is like the icing on the cake.

- Purple Skittle's... I used to work in a glorious establishment that had a free-for-all, junk-filled snack room. I would spend hours just picking out the purple skittle's. Now I'm not a 'grape' fan, but there is something with those things that is truly divine. By the way, more than a bag of any color skittle's will give you a nasty stomach ache.

- The Big Mac... I know the secret sauce isn't really a secret anymore. But that burger has something so intriguing and special that it keeps me dreaming about it year after year. I even had it for my last 'single girl' meal before the wedding!

Now, I don't eat these things all that often. Mostly because I know the staggering fat content and calories that are in these, but nothing can be more comforting than these. I would love to here what your comfort foods are!

Becoming Mrs. Morris

2006-08-14T13:09:00.000-05:00

I've always been known as Mary Krile
- - - Now I'll have a new last name that will take some getting used to. It might sound weird, but it's like changing your whole identity by just changing your last name.

I've lived in Lubbock for most of my life
- - - Now I am moving to Georgetown. It's a suburb just North of Austin. I love the area, but I hate having to be far from my family.

I've enjoyed the whole summer without a job
- - - Now I am trying to find a job in Austin. I say trying because I'm not having much luck at all. Who knew a Biology degree wasn't the best choice?

I've spent many a weeknight by myself.
- - - Now I'll have a new husband to hang out with. There is so many things that I can't wait to do and I'll have my best friend by my side.

Sure some of these things seem little and not that big of a deal, but no one really tells you about what a change it is to get married. It's a lot of little things that you don't realize until the end. I'm more organized, more stressed, happier, and busy than I've ever been before. So much will change in just a month:

I'll be married.
Elizabeth Trout will be in Dallas.
Liz will be anywhere across the States for a year.
My Dad will still have a broken ankle.
I hope I have a new job.

I just have to keep reminding my self.... Change is a good thing!
So here's to change and the fact that the world keeps spinning along.

TRISTAN

2006-03-23T09:53:00.000-06:00

The Stat's: big brown eyes, vel-crow curly black hair, comes up about waist high on me, favorite color is green, african american, four years old, loves to dance, can sing all of the vegitales theme song, and has an obsession with eating chocolate. This is Tristan. We first met when he was one and have grown up together ever since. I've seen first steps, first words, and even first successful potty trips! Tristan was adopted by a woman at my work and her husband (both being white). He comes to work with us every day. I know it's kind of an odd work place! I love tristan so much that I thought I would share a few of his "kids say the darndest things".

- Tristan loves "boo-boo's". We practice the "kiss it to make it better" practice at work to try and conserve band-aids. He'll spend minutes inspecting my hands just to spot something that looks like a scratch so that he can quickly make it feel better. One day when my faces complexion wasn't the clearest, He pointed at a red bump on my chin.
T: "Do you have a boo-boo?" (getting ready to kiss my chin)
M: "hmm... No, that's called a pimple" (trying not to be embarrassed that he just pointed out a zit)
T: "A pimmppeeeel?" (struggling with the new word)
M: "Yes, a pimple"
T: (looking at me for awhile contemplating) "Mary, you have pimples ALL OVER your face!"

- Of course, as a child we have no real concept of race. There is no difference between people when there's a difference in color. He has no way of knowing that he has a blended family by him being black in a white family. One day he was sitting in my lap and we were tracing our hands on paper.
T: (struggling to keep the pen close to my fingers as he traced around them) "I have dark skin" (he said proudly)
(he frowned at my hand on the paper) "You have white skin"
M: (I was a little at a loss for what to say since he's never noticed the difference before. He was looking at me like something had to be wrong for us to be different colors) "Yes, your dark and I'm white. It's just the color of our skin. People have all different colors of skin." (whew, that was fairly well put)
T: (his face lit up like a light bulb) "So there's green skin!"
M: "oh no Tristan, not every color is a skin color"
He was thoroughly disappointed and upset that there were no orange and green people. Afterall, those are his favorite colors!

- While Tristan is so young and is around girls most of the time, we struggle at the office to keep Tristan "man-ly". It took us a week to convince him that orange was a better favorite color than pink. I had painted my nails, and Tristan was admirering the dark red color.
T: "What's that?" (pointing to my colored nails)
M: "I painted my nails. Do you like them?"
T: "YES, can I paint my nails?!?"
M: (opps, this is not good) "ummm... no, your a boy."
T: "I'm a booooyyyyyy, so I can't paint my nails? Why, not?"
M: "Well... See, girls paint there nails for boys.... and boys (struggling to think of something) cut their hair for girls!"
T: (he examines my face as he thinks about this)
M: "remember, you're hair is short cause you just cut it awhile back."
T: (He tries to run his fingers through my long hair) "yeah, I did...... So I can't paint my nails, but I can cut my hair?"
M: "Yep! And I can paint my nails, but I let my hair grow out long."

So don't forget to paint your nails girls, and boys get your hair cut for the girls!

Yes, No, Maybe So

2006-02-28T08:46:00.000-06:00

NO... NO... YES... I'm not sure... Only if it's cheap... AHHHH!!!

While I hate to admit it, I'm the youngest child and sometimes I act like it! I'm at a point in my life when a lot of decisions have to be made. I want to go about it in a baby-like fashion kicking and screaming and fusing all the way. There is graduation, wedding, and the rest of life looming over my head. I have an unending list of decisions to make... and I'm not a decision making type of girl.

in my brain at the moment:
- should I get a new cap and gown
- I need to ask my advisor to check if I'm clear to graduate
- those two tests this week are going to be killers
- did mom order enough grad. invitations
- I'm soooo behind on wedding planning
- where is all the money going
- did my dress go up into flames at more'le
- did I make the right bridesmaid decisions
- how do I get the cheapest/best cake
- am I the only one the likes my photographer
- is kevin going to be able to get the honeymoon worked out
- is my ring paid for
- what do I know about a good DJ, why do I have to decide
- the paper's announcement needs to come out soon
- hope the table and chairs I bought are a good investment
- when am I going to learn to cook
- do I choose a bridesmaid dress that I've never seen in person
- how long will it take people to realize that I have no ideas/options/plans for a job that I need to be starting in 1/2 a year...

I have come to realize 3 things:
1) I'm so ready to graduate even though I will miss college, and I am terrified of what I will do next. I don't care about tests, GPA, or being active in organizations. I care about seeing Kevin as much as possible, cherishing the time I have left with my friends here, and partying till the very end.
2) I want to see the suicide rate for brides-to-be. Planning your wedding is not this fairy tale that the world makes it out to be. Look at any bride-to-be and you'll see someone who is tired, overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted at making decisions, and would rather just elope in Las Vegas. (Dad, I'm sure they would let you walk me down the isle instead of Elvis)
3) Instead of facing my problem of needing to find a real job, I'm shrinking away from it. I don't want to find out that: it's not something I love, that I need a masters, that I'll have to commute about an hour, I don't remember the skills they need me to have mastered, or that I just suck...

So excuse me world while I revert back to my childhood state. I'm going to go to my room, be stubborn, cry a little, and wait to come out till I'm ready to get over my hissy-fit.

~Count Your Blessings~

2006-01-10T10:10:00.000-06:00

= = = The gifts have been opened, the drinks have been toasted and we are already into the new year, but a very important thing happened right before all the festivities. A dear loved one of mine shook the way I saw my life. I won't go into details for privacy sake, but the event was out of the ordinary and frightening at times. As I sat in an empty Arby's at some odd hour of the night in the middle of finals with Stacie, we discussed how are lives really weren't made of what we thought they were. Our finals were a joke, the Christmas shopping seemed so material, and my astonishing lack of money wasn't plaguing my mind. All I could think of was laughing with Elizabeth a few nights before as we sat on her bed and watched t.v. That's what matters in my life.

* * * * It reminded me of a homily that I heard from Fr. Malcom just a week before. He told us to love the people around us, and let them really know that we do! He said to see your Christmas gifts not as the presents under the tree, but as the blessings in your life. So it was time to count my blessings... And I truly am blessed. I work in a rather odd office, with people that listen to all my stories and make me laugh until I cry. I do complain about it a lot, but it's really fun to come to work and the actual "work" is something I really am good at. I have a core group of girlfriends that are my rock. They love me unconditionally and take care of my when I can't take care of myself! I can't count the number of conversations we've had sitting on one of our beds or around the kitchen table. Sometimes serious, sometimes just giving information to catch up on busy lives, but always ending in laughter and joy. I've come from an amazing family. They are perfect for me in every way. My dad is my first love and always a man I will look up to. My mom is my teacher of life. She gives the best advice. My brother is so loving. You can always come to him for an understanding hug. My sister-in-law is more like a real sister now a days. My older sis is just what you would want in an older sis! And my cat is my favorite pet ever. plus.. my fish are really cool. I also have a loving, supportive, funny, goofy, romantic, charismatic, charming, handsome, amazing fiance. There is no one else I wouldn't want by my side for the rest of my life. I live in a great town, I go to a great school, I belong to a great religion, and I'm surrounded by cool people! Life becomes difficult, but if you just see it as a blessing, you can find more good in it than bad. At the end of the year, I found that I got more than enough blessings... And there are still more I haven't counted!

. . . Here's to a blessed new year . . .

missing you

2005-11-16T18:05:00.000-06:00

I miss my polar bear!!!

"Habits"

2005-11-15T21:53:00.000-06:00

Okay so this started on Xanga, but here it is in the blogger world. 5 weird habits about myself:

1) I am a compulsive hot bath taker. I take a shower every morning, but at night if I feel bored, upset, sad, or stressed (which is every day) I'll take a hot bath. This can add up to a bath and a shower every day of the week. For instance... Tonight I took TWO hot baths... Why? I don't know, it's just a habit.

2) When no one is home (or at least I don't think anyone is home) I'll blast my radio and dance by myself in my room. Everything from hip hop dancing, to salsa, to two-stepping with an imaginary partner.

3) I only brush my teeth once a day. And I chew with my mouth open sometimes. And I have no problem using other people's tooth brush. And I'll eat leftovers that are really really old. Apparently I'm kinda of gross.

4) One of my absolutely favorite snacks is a piece of white bread with Miracle Whip... kind of like bread and butter. It really is good!

5) I hate writing with a pencil. I write on my tests in pen, my notes in pen, and underline things in books in pen.

Wild Thing... I think I love you!

2005-10-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

~If you didn't already know it... I'm a little bit of a nature freak. This semester I've begun to volunteer at the South Plains Wildlife rehabilitation center here in Lubbock. We cover a very wide area and have one of the most diverse sites in all of Texas. We rehabilitate everything from deer, to opossums, to mourning doves, to squirrels, to barn owls, to cottontails, to bats, to anything.
~When I started, I was told to wear ragged t-shirts because you will normally get a combination of blood, bleach, and feces on your shirt, and so far that has held true! This is definitely not a job for the overly squimish or hygienic. In a normal 4 hour volunteering day, I do two loads of dishes in the sink, at least 2 loads of laundry (washing, drying, and folding), clean and fill a 6'x4' kiddy pool, enter about 1 hours worth of collection data, feed a pelican, 4 rabbits, 2 squirrels, 2 ravens, 1 black crowned heron, 3 ducks, plus whatever non-'resident' animals that need care, and go on a run to the nearby pet hospital. There's always something to do! It really is exhausting sometimes, but worth every minute.
~I've learned a lot from the wildlife out here, that I don't think I would have ever known if I hadn't been here. One thing would definitely have to be that all animals that are not domesticated are called wild for a reason. If you don't know what you are handling, don't handle it. I have the fun job of handling wild animals that I don't know much about because it's my job and I have to. Most of the time, you just learn things the hard way..
~When around raptorial birds (such as Mississippi kites that are very protective of there territory) it is best to feed them and get out of the area. I made the mistake of jokingly mimicking there cry to about 4 of them at the edge of the barn. They didn't think it was as cute of an idea as I did and dive bombed my head with their talons. lol. oh well, learned my lesson.
~I had the great honor to take care of two fawns for about a month before they were released. I never knew that they could be like over sized dogs. I would come in with two baby bottles of milk and they would jump on me just like a big dog would and nudge my legs.
~Don't tell Kevin, but I'm someone else's girlfriend. His name is Percy and he's our pelican. He comes up to a little lower than my waste and loves to follow me around the yard. We play catch with his halibut pieces and play splash in his kiddy pool. He loves to take his two foot long beak and bite hands, legs, you name it, but it does nothing more than pinch. He's a big sweetheart of a bird.
~We have a African Kookaburra that someone thought would be a fun exotic pet to abuse unfortunatly. He really is a unique and awesome bird. I don't know how many of you remember the old kids song; "Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he, laugh kookaburra". Sometime while I'm folding laundry I'll talk to cookie (yes, everyone talks to the animals) and I'll ask him to laugh for me. Then the most wild 'jungle' bird call you have ever heard will come out of this out of place bird.
~We go have a few mammals that are big into snuggling if you know how to handle them. One is our Virginia opossum, Fiffe. She's such as sweetheart and would never bite a soul. Now I must admit that opossums are not one of God's prettier animals, but you would be surprised at how much she loves to snuggle in your arms. The other snuggler I handle is our 3 prairie dogs. They are a little less predictable. Some days you'll stick your hand in the cage and they will immediately bite you, others they'll leap into your arms to be cradled and pet for and hour.
~Work is very unpredictable, some days I'll clean for hours, some days I'll be holding a bleeding Harris hawk to the emergency vet, some days I'll spend the whole day feeding baby squirrels, some days I'll clean out the entire aviary, some days I'll record data is the computer for hours. It's nice to never know what surprise is around the corner. It's definitely one of the greatest volunteer position I've ever had, and I'm very grateful for the experience.

The Question? And the Answer!

2005-09-11T10:51:00.000-05:00

Hello loved one's all over:::
I have a RTPG that I would like to share with the world. God has placed into my life a man of faith. He's amazingly strong when I'm weak, optimistic when I'm pessimistic, and shares in my joy and happiness. He is my future husband; Kevin Michael Morris. On Sept. 2, 2005, He asked the big question and I said yes. For all those who know anything about Kevin also know that this wasn't just any day, but one filled with surprises and excitement. So here's the story:

As any typical Friday morning, I begrudgingly woke up at 7 and rolled out of bed. This time though, I was greeted with a rose and a note in the bathroom. It was from Kevin. It told me to have great morning (and some other romantic stuff that will be kept secret!). There was a suggestion to wait outside my first class for a familiar face.

I was greeted by Kevin and I's good friend, Marcos, after my first class with a rose and a new note. Then after my second class I was greeted by my roommate, Elizabeth, with a rose and a note. Once I got to work that morning Crystal snuck in a rose and a note to give me. Then at lunch with Stacie, I received another rose and note. Back at work again I received a rose and a note by Tristan, a 3 year old at my work. This note told me not to leave from work until 5. When I got out to my car and opened the door, I was overwhelmed with the scent of Kevin's cologne in my car and a note on my seat. I returned to my apartment and woke up my other roommate, Erica, to receive yet another rose and a note. This note told me to stay casual and meet him at Abuelo's (a Mexican restaurant) at 6 p.m. sharp. Once I got there, he met me in the parking lot with a rose and a kiss. The whole dinner he had me fooled that this was the end, and that it was just a cute way to greet me once he got into town. One of his best friends, Kevin Sisk, who was our waiter played along. Then dessert came . . . With another rose and a note!

This note lead me (by myself) to my loving parents house for a visit. After sufficient recapping of the days events, they finally handed over the next rose and note. This one instructed me to go home a take a bath to relax. But when I got home, it was much more than a bath. My roommate came out with a candle and lead me to the "inner sanctuary" (aka my bathroom). All the lights were out and Enya music was floating through the air. As she opened the door, the floor, tub, and sink were covered with red rose petals as candle light danced on the walls from the dozens of candles. Then next to my bubble and rose petal filled tub was a new rose and note. Then I took the most amazing bath I've ever had. The next note lead me to my room with a rose petal path to my bed. On my bed was my best formal and shoes. After getting changed Erica came in again to help me with hair and make-up. Then we waited for my driver to come. Stacie came up with a CD for driving music and an eye mask to blindfold me. The CD was entitled "Kevin and Mary in Love" and was filled with appropriate love filled songs. After driving for about 50 minutes, I was a little nervous that we would never get to our destination, but Stacie got me there safe and sound.

When we finally stopped Kevin lead me out of the car and up what seemed like a hill. Finally we stopped and he un-blindfolded me. We were standing in the middle of Camp Rio Blanco in Crosbyton. This camp is where me and Kevin staff the raider awakening retreat we have every semester. It's absolutely beautiful. When you look up you can see every star in the sky, and the night is pitch black without city lights. This is where some background info might come in handy. Kevin and I have been dating long distance for about 9 months. So when we don't get to see each other, we say that we will meet in our dreams. This is our dream: we are both dressed in our best formals, dancing underneath a star filled sky, barefoot on the softest grass, singing to each other as we spin around the whole night.

So we slipped of our shoes and danced in the quite night. Truly a dream come true.... Then he spun me around, got on one knee, took out the ring, said some beautiful words, and then asked me to marry him. I, of course, said 'yes'!!! After a little more star gazing, laughing, and dancing, we drove back to Lubbock at midnight to a CD entitled "Kevin and Mary Engaged"!!!

So now you know the story... And so I must end it with this:
= = = And they lived happily ever after = = =

Love? Love! Love.

2005-08-21T22:23:00.000-05:00

how do you show love? how do you receive love? where did your concept of love come from?

Everyone was raised with a different type of love. We are surrounded with different types of love. We all show our love for others in different ways. How was I loved?

I learned from my mother :: In the kitchen, mom would dance with us. Sometimes to music, sometimes to her humming. Sometimes I would do it willingly, sometimes she would literally drag me on the floor. We spun around the tiny kitchen area laughing and I knew she loved me. I guess that's one of the reasons dancing and hugging mean so much to me, because that was one of the ways I was taught to love.

I learned from my father :: I love my father to death and I'm a huge daddy's girl, but I must admit that my father is a very big nerd. As a teenager, I would be mortified with embarassment. He would walk around in public with a pith helmet!!! (If you don't know what that is, imagine a tan round hard hat that you would wear in a jungle). But he taught me an accepting love. Yeah he's not the coolest in the world, but he's my dad. He loves me more than anything. So no matter what he wears, no matter how nerdy he gets, no matter what out of date thing he does, i love him and he loves me. I learned to love despite outward appearances or mannerisms.

I learned from my sister :: There is no bubble. Meaning we hold hands, kiss on the check, hug, link arms, rub shoulders, and all things that are in your personal bubble. My best friend in high school had a big bubble around her, and she would always yell at me for getting in it. It's just the type of love she taught me.

I learned from my brother :: Family is not something you exactly choose. Me and my brother didn't see eye to eye on things when I hit my teenage years and I thought he was wrong on a lot of things. But when it comes down to it all, his my brother and all I want to do is love him. No mater what your family has done or will do or wants you to do, you accept and love, because that's what families do. Familes got to love.

All my friends have taught me things about love, and maybe I've taught them some things. I'm not quite sure how I show love, but I know that I've sure felt it from my family and friends. Thanks to all for the lessons learned and the warmth felt.